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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to bring my Buggy to FIL house?

73 replies

QS7819 · 17/07/2019 08:45

First Timer here. Be gentle 🙃.

After having my first child, I was a bit apprehensive to leave my DS with anyone, my partners father said that he would be happy to look after him while we work, so I agreed. I really do appreciate the help and I tell them all the time. My partners father hardly goes out during the week but they have a massive back garden which DS can play in.
But Partners Sister has been telling everyone else apart from me, she will be picking up DS with the buggy. AIBU, to tell her no she cannot pick him up unless she has confirms it with me first?
She doesn’t text me or anything just thinks it’s okay to turn up at my house wanting the baby and the buggy.
I’ve told partner that DS is not a toy and she can’t just pick and choose what she wants to do with our child!!!
Since having the baby I’ve been having all types of problems with them. 🙄

OP posts:

mussolini9 · 17/07/2019 10:58

Seriously - just get proper paid childcare put in place.

Aaaaw, don'tcha just love MN, where every mother has enough money to pay for wrap-around professional child care!

Original poster

QS7819 · 17/07/2019 11:05

@BlueMerchant Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

QS7819 · 17/07/2019 11:06

@mussolini9. Yes. because I’m totally flushed with endless amounts of money. 🙄

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 17/07/2019 11:06

“Aaaaw, don'tcha just love MN, where every mother has enough money to pay for wrap-around professional child care!“

And where that is better than the care of loving relations.

Original poster

QS7819 · 17/07/2019 11:07

Thanks everyone for your views.
👍

OP posts:

QforCucumber · 17/07/2019 11:12

I really couldn't get worked up over this kind of thing, DS is with MIL 2 days a week every week - sometimes when I collect him after work she says oh XX came over and took him out to the park with the kids for a couple of house (XX being DH brother) why would that be an issue at all?

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 17/07/2019 11:13

She absolutely should contact you first

but you can't prevent someone to help out own their dad by taking your child out of their hands for a while!

QforCucumber · 17/07/2019 11:14

*Hours!

newmomof1 · 17/07/2019 11:14

OP I'm with you, and everyone's telling you to 'lighten up' but if you gave them real reasons to be concerned now they'd say you were 'drip feeding'.

Your child is your child and if you are not comfortable with something, it doesn't happen.

I've recently had a situation with a family member where I've had to tell them I'm not comfortable with them holding my baby. I went on a day out them and they offered to watch the baby twice, while I went to toilet etc. I said no - I had made my position clear and they need to respect that.

You need to do the same with SIL.

Teddybear45 · 17/07/2019 11:16

Sil used to do this so my sis wouldn’t take her DC out with my sister’s kids- turning up to my mum’s without a buggy or without shoes. She used to make up all kinds of excuses to my brother but the truth was she was a helicopter parent who felt only she had the right to do nice things with her kids (even though she rarely ever did - she’s really lazy). The only person who lost out was her son. now he’s a bit older he notices things a lot more calls his mum out if he isn’t allowed to do things with me that his cousins are.

Vandree · 17/07/2019 11:19

I think theres just been a bit of miscommunication. If its about not wanting to leave your buggy in fairness you should get one to leave at your Fil's house anyway so that they have one there. A cheap umbrella stroller is always handy to have. If its not wanting your Sil to mind your child then you have to speak to her. I think she was just chatting with her dad and he has been finding it hard (which anyone with the sole care of a baby will agree) and shes offered to take your son to give him a break or save him a trip. I often take my nieces when their mum works if they have been at my mums. They might get dropped here to play with their cousins while my mam gets the dinner on or I bring them out for dinner with mine, I dont text their mum first, she knows I treat them like my own and they are safe whether with me or my mam. I think you are overthinking this a bit, its understandable but decide what the real issue is

progestermoan · 17/07/2019 11:23

It’s up to you who takes your child out / looks after them but I’d advise to leave the buggy there anyway as it would generally be really handy for your partners father to have there in case he needed to take your ds out even if it was just to get him to have a nap or similar

Crocodilesoup · 17/07/2019 11:25

Buggy walks can be fun for little ones and also a good way to get them over for a nap. Being stuck in one house (is it all week?) as the child gets older would worry me a little - I used to see grandparents at toddler groups no reason not to try that out.

When my dm was small, she and other local children used to go around the neighbourhood asking to take babies out in their prams. Which the mums allowed them to. I was but I suppose everyone knew their neighbours much better.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/07/2019 11:27

Often when my DPs had one lot of grandchildren over me or one of my sisters would turn up and take them all out. 10 grandchildren ranging in age from 34-17 and they are all very close still often organise family days ir evenings out. Still all want to visit GPs and aunts and uncles. Next year one of them who lives abroad (longhaul flight) is getting married. Even though he is coming over to celebrate in this country after the wedding every single one of the cousins have said they want to travel for the wedding. As have me and my sisters. There are lots of benefits to allowing families to bond and do things together without strict controls and regimes on who is allowed to do what and when.

Lottiebugz22 · 17/07/2019 13:05

So do you mean your sister is law is just collecting your son to take to her to your father in laws?

lalaloopyhead · 17/07/2019 13:07

Only on Mumset...it's absolutely fine to tell close relatives they are not allowed to see a newborn baby for first however weeks/months but it is also absolutely fine for someone to take your baby out without you being made aware of it! Nuts.

I can totally understand OP that you would want to be made aware if you child is going to be somewhere other than where you expect, with someone other than you would expect.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 17/07/2019 13:34

I'm guessing she's thinking of it as the family are looking after DS and she'll help take him out and about as GP don't get out much?

YANBU to want to know where your baby is. However, I'm not sure what the issue is other than that.

Nanny0gg · 17/07/2019 13:36

And we won't know what the issue is because the OP isn't really saying!!

Blubluboo · 17/07/2019 13:55

I feel sorry for the baby's auntie. Surely if you're at work then they probably don't want to text you every single time she may pop over. I guess if it is pre planned then they would mention it but sometimes these things aren't planned. My parents stay on a caravan site most of the summer and their siblings and cousins are all at an age where they have grandchildren. If I pop over for the weekend I will always offer to take the grandchildren for an hour or 2. It takes a village and all that. If you trust your FIL to look after your baby then you should trust him to be able to make decisions like this. I'd be really offended if I went to my mums and she said she had better text my brother before I took his child to the park.

Original poster

QS7819 · 17/07/2019 14:00

All is well. I’ve sorted it out!

OP posts:

ohcanada · 17/07/2019 14:50

Tell us how then OP!

SavingSpaces2019 · 17/07/2019 15:02

SIL/buggy etc isn't the problem here.
The problem is that your MIL talks shit about you and no one cares - and you're leaving your child with the 'IL's.....

Douberry · 17/07/2019 16:30

*Only on Mumset...it's absolutely fine to tell close relatives they are not allowed to see a newborn baby for first however weeks/months but it is also absolutely fine for someone to take your baby out without you being made aware of it! Nuts.

I can totally understand OP that you would want to be made aware if you child is going to be somewhere other than where you expect, with someone other than you would expect.*

^This. 100%.

OP I think you're getting a bit of a hard time. Maybe because if you are using FIL as childcare then the assumption is it's all happy families, when possibly that's not the case at all by what you are saying about your MIL and hinting about your SIL... I don't blame you though. But fundamentally why is it unreasonable to want to know who/where your baby is at any given point in the day?!

Mum to a 14 month old pfb here

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