Aunty gave son Alcohol

[beckywiththecraphair]

• 15 year old DS, very close to his 2 Aunts (DHs sisters) - one is in her thirties, the other in her forties.
• He stayed at one of theirs at the weekend and they all went to a local small town festival with loads of bands playing. They went to a bar afterwards to hear another live band. One of his Aunts knew the bouncer so he was let in.
• The younger Aunt bought him two bottles of cider. HE IS FIFTEEN.
• He rang me the next day and told me. He said he wasn't drunk but did enjoy the taste of it and asked if he would be allowed drink it again. I told him yes absolutely when he was 17 or 18.
• I didn't make a big issue out of it because we live in a quite "rough" area where gangs of young teenagers are frequently out drinking on the green (my DS does not go with them or know them) and he felt like he was the big man for being in a bar after hours and tasting alcohol.

AIBU to want to wring my SIL's neck for giving him alcohol without my consent? I'm glad he told me straight away and I'm glad he was with an adult when he had alcohol for the first time but I really don't know how to approach this one.

He gets on well with both of his Aunts and I don't want to put him in a position where he feels like he has "snitched".
Equally I think it's fucking downright irresponsible to give a 15 year old alcohol.
Equally still, I think I'd rather this than him necking a bottle of Devil's Bit down the Green with some local lads.
I did say it to DH and he was livid.
DS does not have access to alcohol at SIL house and enjoys his visits with her. If I were to make a big song and dance about this I feel that I would have to put a stop to those visits and therefore DS would be the one missing out. The festival was a one-off and usually he would not go out when staying there. He will not be staying there again until the next school holiday which will be Halloween.

She is a good natured person who means no harm but also a melodramatic drama-loving person who will absolutely 100% turn this into a massive family drama and make DS feel like he has done something wrong by ratting him out.

I don't want to punish him for telling the truth and coming to me straight away but equally I feel like I can't let her away with this. How do I word it? Or do I say nothing and just wait until the next time he's due to stay over and say "I want to make it clear that this time there's to be no alcohol, he's underage"?

(I start work at 3am so if I vanish that's why)

15 would be unusual not to have had any alcohol before ime.

We allowed alcohol at family gatherings /NYE etc.

Ime it's the kids that have never been allowed it that get shitfaced at the first opportunity.

Oh, I used to let my niece have a small amount at 15: just made sure my sis never found out

I don't think it's outrageous at 15 to be honest.

Really? My son has drunk wine, beer and cider since he was about 11 (in small quantities and only with family present). He is now 17 and on a lad's holiday last week, he stuck to beer whereas most of the others drank shots and were either sick or had to come home early as they were not feeling too good ... he does not get over excited about alcohol as we have never made it a big deal.

It wouldn't bother me, I never banned nor promoted alcohol and DS was allowed it at special occasions. He occasionally drank with his mates - the end of term when they went to the country park with a bbq and cider mainly - but not much. He's 19 now and not a big drinker. He likes rum and whisky, but also has a car and is subject to random urine tests at work so he rarely bothers with alcohol.

I couldn’t get too worked up about him being 15 and having two ciders with his aunt but I would be furious that in the circumstances he had those drinks she’s shown him it’s completely acceptable to flout the law and put peoples jobs at risk. If local licensing had entered that bar the staff may have been sacked or charged with providing alcohol to a child.

I think this is ok really. Might have been better to check with you and stick to one drink, but I wouldn't be hugely fussed.

Don't know how he wasn't drunk though unless it was over many hours.

The first time I drank, also at 15, I was a mess after about half a glass of wine.

The wisdom on mn seems to be that it's perfectly acceptable to drink from early teens on and that drinking with family from a youngish age leads to a more responsible attitude.

However, all the reputable research indicates that the earlier teens start drinking, regardless of circumstances, the more likely they are to become problem drinkers. Of course you would prefer him to first experience alcohol with a responsible adult than with a group of friends. However, it would be better still not to experience alcohol until he is older.

I think your sil was very unreasonable to give him alcohol without your say so. I would just calmly mention it to her, saying that you think he's a bit young still and you'd prefer if she didn't do that again until he is 18.

Personally, I think barely 15 is way too young to be drinking. Yes, kids like to experiment but really you should (and I presume you do) talk to him about the dangers of underage drinking. It's great that he is open with you so it is important not to make too big a deal of it so that continues.

I wouldn’t be happy about this. But then I also would supply my son alcohol at 17 either.

*WOULDN'T, not would 🤦‍♀️

By the time he’s 17 his friends will probably have quite a tolerance to alcohol, I’d rather my kids go out at 15 with a responsible adult that out drinking at 17/18 with no history of drinking.

Over reaction.

However, it would be better still not to experience alcohol until he is older.

Having read the research this is how I feel too, however I think it's really difficult because other adults are obsessed with being the 'cool' relative and offering teens alcohol, thus turning it into a massive thing if you express your negative feelings about it. So you're probably better off just allowing teens the odd bit of alcohol here and there.

As a non drinker myself I've never understood why people feel the need to encourage others to drink, even children

My nearly 16 year old ds is pushing the alcohol boundaries. To try and stop his friends smuggling in vodka we have bought him koppabergs. I don't want him to drink anything however that is not realistic. He has finished his gcse's and is celebrating his freedom this summer. I would rather he have a couple of ciders than any spirits at all. I know your son is 15 but he was supervised and enjoying his visit with his aunts. I would say you would rather he didn't do this but as a one off occasion let it go.

Ah No big deal