About my wedding dress shopping

[Enchantedworld]

I have 9 months to go til my wedding and getting into a bit of a panic as I have no idea which dress I would like and have never been shopping before. I arranged my first dress try on last month with my mum and two sisters (who are bridesmaids along with SIL and a friend).

Unfortunately I had to cancel this as I had a friends funeral. Since then I’ve been on a two week holiday and now feeling a bit stressed to get something ordered.

Truth be told I am not enjoying the full wedding planning. I am happy with a low key affair but my sisters (especially 1) seem to be holding onto the thought that it is a big wedding and want to be planning abroad hen dos. I am not up for it and honestly hate the attention.

With this in mind, Aibu on the following..

My fiancé is working away and I look after my niece at least once or twice a week for my sister. So I asked her to look after my two kids whilst I went dress shopping this week. She agreed.

I told my mum I was going just for a look around and to see what suits me. I wouldn’t be finding “the one” so if she was free and wanted to come she could. If not it was fine. It’s tomorrrow morning 9am just for an hour or two.

I also booked a full day on Sunday when my fiancé is home so I can go and not worry about childcare. I was going to ask two sisters and mum to come along if they fancied.

Today my sister has kicked off. Said I’m selfish and tries her best but I keep pushing her out. Said she wanted to be there the first time I tried on dresses. Not just the second or third time. Said she would have cried. Said she hopes karma comes to me and no one gives a shit about my wedding.

Said she listens to all my stresses and vents and gets nothing in return. Asked me to ask my mum to watch the kids since she wants to come. She said I’m giving her nothing in return for all she’s doing (she hasn’t done much, looked up a few places for the hen do and is pushing the abroad do which I don’t want anyway).

I said it’s no big deal, I asked her because I have my niece a lot and thought she wouldn’t mind. I would have been going alone if my mum was busy and that was absolutely fine. It’s just a casual look around.

I’m hurt and honestly feel like this is too much for me. I can’t do what I want for my wedding without a big drama. I tried to have a low key wedding but they made me feel ridiculous and said “it makes me sad as it’s supposed to be the best day of you’re life and it just sounds so sad” when I spoke about doing a small wedding/no party.

But then maybe I am strange for even considering going dress shopping alone? Maybe it is insulting to not have them at the first try on? Aibu?

No I have been clothes shopping.

Just not wedding dress shopping.

Tell her this outburst is a good example of exactly why you've not invited her!

I nearly got married once, I took a couple of friends and my mum. I can't say I liked the day. I felt pushed and pulled between them. The wedding got cancelled. It was a relief, I had hated the planning and everyone's expectations/almost criticisms. When I did get married I left dress shopping until two months before the wedding, went on my own, narrowed it down to two dresses that I liked, then took my mum back to see them. Altogether less stressful. I also didn't have a hen do! This is your wedding, not hers. Do things your way.

Sounds like a brilliant idea tbh. Going to get an idea of what you like before will make the actual day with them a lot easier!
I went with my DH to try on dresses for the first time, on the basis I definitely wouldn’t pick the one. A few people found it odd, but his opinion was really important to me.
It’s your wedding anyway so do what you want and focus on how you want it to be. After all, when you look back in a few years you’ll be remembering your wedding and they’ll just remember being a guest at one.

Tomorrow I am getting married. Just us and 2 witnesses. No fancy dress or party, I also hate attention and was sick and tired of everybody trying to tell me what they wanted who I had to invite. So tomorrow we are setting off to the registry office in secret. Everyone will still moan but stuff em xx

I'm the same, fiancé doesn't want to elope really and his family would be gutted but I'm not loving the planning.

My friends want to go wedding dress shopping, as does fiancé's mum. My current plan is to go with both, then go by myself to actually choose something.

I'm not having a hen. I have shut down all conversations on this comprehensively.

It's all such an expensive faff when I'd marry him anywhere, tomorrow if I could.

(I should say that fiancé's mum is lovely, as are my friends generally, I'm just not the type of person who relishes this and has been planning it forever)

She’s out of order. Nothing wrong with dress shopping alone. I really enjoyed it, probably preferred it on my own.

I would tell her to get a grip or she won’t be invited to the wedding,

I think they put a lot of pressure on you to order - I ordered my wedding dress in the May (2016) and I got married in December. It had arrived by the September which was way before they estimated. Just take your time if you have nine months xx

I went wedding dress shopping by myself and bought the first dress I tried on! Buying a dress doesn't have to be a big extravaganza (although there's nothing wrong with people making a day of it if they want to) so stick to your guns and have the day that YOU and your DP want, not what your sister wants.

I browsed for my dress alone and bought it alone, online! No one else had a say and I love that dress.
I would have gladly eloped given a chance though. It does seem a lot of men are keen for the big wedding these days, or maybe don't believe the bride when she wants to elope.

Just tell your sister that it is your wedding and when she gets married you’ll be supporting her choices just as you expect her to support yours. I completely understand OP. I have been married 23 yrs but definitely felt very overwhelmed when planning our wedding. I took my best friend to “start looking” and found a dress I loved in the first shop we looked in.

Ignore your sister’s behaviour, she has no right to transfer her anxieties to you. I think you have plenty of time still. Our whole wedding was planned within a year and I think I ordered my dress within six months of the date.

Don’t let yourself be bullied, it’s YOUR wedding! You sound like you’ve given yourself a few dates for a good first scan around. I think what is helpful is ruling out what you definitely DON’T like. Also think about your body type and what shape dresses generally suit you. Also, if you have a trip planned to a shop with an appointment call them ahead of time and let them know you have family members who tend to be bossy and could they help you. You can be sure they will have lots of experience dealing with opinionated family members and they can strategize to make sure that they are hearing your voice and choices above the general noise. They can also prevent family members from coming into the changing room with you etc. but in a way such as saying it’s “store policy” etc.

Sorry scanned your first post and thought you would be taking some of your family to some appointments. If you are and you are dreading it, definitely call ahead to get the staff on your side!

I went to buy my wedding dress on my own and only invited my mother and sister when I had chosen my dress. It does not need to be a 'family affair'. Also have the hen do and wedding you want - it's not your sister or Mother's Day

Well I totally understand where you're coming from. My sister is getting married next year and all she talks about is her wedding and I'm like I get it but I have things in my life coming up soon, baby is due in September so her wedding isn't on my mind. I feel you, because when it comes to myself and my wedding, I hate attention, so again I'd prefer to have small wedding and no reception. Partner wants the whole thing.. Invite everyone to everything..
Sisters can be mean. And ungrateful.
My other sister I look after her daughter every week and yet I feel so underappreciated by her. She says when my baby is born ill have her to rely on but then turns around and says we'll you'll be on maternity leave so can look after your neice for longer, once you've settled into parenthood... Which one is it hun?!

I eloped, I went shopping myself. It was the best thing ever.

YANBU other people are unreasonable when it comes to weddings IMO.

I hated wedding planning, refused a hen as the thought of it was just not me. Why everyone thinks they should tell you how you want your wedding is just out of order.

I ordered my dress 9 months before our wedding. I didn't have a clue what I wanted (I just knew I didn't want lace). Just go to a bridal shop, tell them what you want/don't want (strapless, lace, diamante, fishtail, etc) and they will pull a few dresses for you to try. I went into one shop, tried on 6 dresses and bought the 3rd one I tried on! I really wasn't into the whole 'go to every single shop and try on hundreds of dresses' - I just thought, lucky me: 3rd dress and I really like it! I didn't have the time nor the inclination to search for the 'perfect' dress. Do what you want to - tbf after your Dsis's outburst, I'd be thinking of eloping.

When I got married 25 years ago (divorced 4 years ago btw!) I went with my Mum one Saturday afternoon just to look. Therefore I hadn't showered or washed my hair or put nice underwear on - just had a wash after horseriding, changed into non horsey clothes and went to town.

Mum made me try on some dresses (3) and I ended up getting the first one I tried on as she said it was just right. I didn't dislike it but felt deprived of a 'proper' dress trying on session

Enchantedworld please please put your foot down with your sister - this is YOUR day, YOUR wedding, YOUR hen do. She can have the abroad hen do and mass accompaniment at dress shopping for her do. Its not an episode of "Say Yes To The Dress"!!!

I went by myself. I looked at a lot of dresses online, found a few I liked that seemed to suit my figure and tracked down which bridal shops stocked those designers. You need to find something you love that isn't tainted by everyone else's opinions.

Your wedding, your rules. Now is the time to say no hen party abroad, or indeed no hen party at all if you don’t want one.

You tell your sister want you want and then walk away and let her huff and puff

Your sister needs reminding that it is your wedding, not hers, and you will do it how you want. she sounds like a total self obsessed drama queen.

If you would like your wedding to be a low key affair, why can't you do that? You shouldn't have to bow to your sister and have a wedding extravaganza! She can have that when it's her turn.

Stick up for yourself and take your DM for a look around with you. If your sister won't babysit, can you take your niece with you too?