About my wedding dress shopping

[Enchantedworld]

I have 9 months to go til my wedding and getting into a bit of a panic as I have no idea which dress I would like and have never been shopping before. I arranged my first dress try on last month with my mum and two sisters (who are bridesmaids along with SIL and a friend).

Unfortunately I had to cancel this as I had a friends funeral. Since then I’ve been on a two week holiday and now feeling a bit stressed to get something ordered.

Truth be told I am not enjoying the full wedding planning. I am happy with a low key affair but my sisters (especially 1) seem to be holding onto the thought that it is a big wedding and want to be planning abroad hen dos. I am not up for it and honestly hate the attention.

With this in mind, Aibu on the following..

My fiancé is working away and I look after my niece at least once or twice a week for my sister. So I asked her to look after my two kids whilst I went dress shopping this week. She agreed.

I told my mum I was going just for a look around and to see what suits me. I wouldn’t be finding “the one” so if she was free and wanted to come she could. If not it was fine. It’s tomorrrow morning 9am just for an hour or two.

I also booked a full day on Sunday when my fiancé is home so I can go and not worry about childcare. I was going to ask two sisters and mum to come along if they fancied.

Today my sister has kicked off. Said I’m selfish and tries her best but I keep pushing her out. Said she wanted to be there the first time I tried on dresses. Not just the second or third time. Said she would have cried. Said she hopes karma comes to me and no one gives a shit about my wedding.

Said she listens to all my stresses and vents and gets nothing in return. Asked me to ask my mum to watch the kids since she wants to come. She said I’m giving her nothing in return for all she’s doing (she hasn’t done much, looked up a few places for the hen do and is pushing the abroad do which I don’t want anyway).

I said it’s no big deal, I asked her because I have my niece a lot and thought she wouldn’t mind. I would have been going alone if my mum was busy and that was absolutely fine. It’s just a casual look around.

I’m hurt and honestly feel like this is too much for me. I can’t do what I want for my wedding without a big drama. I tried to have a low key wedding but they made me feel ridiculous and said “it makes me sad as it’s supposed to be the best day of you’re life and it just sounds so sad” when I spoke about doing a small wedding/no party.

But then maybe I am strange for even considering going dress shopping alone? Maybe it is insulting to not have them at the first try on? Aibu?

It is YOUR wedding. It is a once in a lifetime event and you need to make sure it is what YOU want.

Deep breath, tell your sister she is out of order and tell her what you want. She may sulk for a bit but she 'll get over it.

Oh dear. Your sister is a bridesmaidzilla! She's trying to make it all about her.

Tell her to butt out. You don't want an abroad hen do. And you'll invite her to come dress shopping with you as and when you want to.

it is your wedding. Time to stand up for yourself.

Whose wedding does she think this is? Sounds like she's pretending it's hers. Bridesmaidzilla?

Your sister sounds awful. It's your wedding and you need to puff your chest up a bit and start saying no to her and everyone trying to geg in.

My wedding is in a few months. The important part is getting married and doing the legal bits. The rest of the day is just a party. I refuse to get upset or stressed about it.

You can do it OP! Practice saying "no that doesn't work for me"!

I have this awful feeling your sister has been watching too many ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ type programmes and imagines herself with a glass of bubbly sneering at the dress you love.......
Think her neck needs winding back in......

I wondered into a wedding dress shop by myself a few weeks before I got married. Much like you I hate the attention! So I was all on my own and took the opportunity. Tried them on all by my self and found the one I wanted. No fuss, no drama, but best of all, not a soul other than the lady in the shop in sight 😁

Hope it all works out OP x

Said she would have cried. Said she hopes karma comes to me and no one gives a shit about my wedding.

How weird is this?

Would have cried, as in, cried with joy nd happiness because she loves you so much? But then goes on to say no one gives a shit about your wedding.

I vote for sitting her down and telling her that this outburst has been the final straw. From now on you would prefer to organise the wedding YOU want and if that means her taking a step back from it all because she cannot support that, then so be it.

My sister was like this too. Wish I'd been much firmer from the start as I ended up in tears dress shopping. Should have shut down the unwanted hen events too. On the plus side I chose the right man

Thanks for reassuring me that I’m not strange. Honestly sometimes my world seems to small and that I’m the strange one!

The karma thing.. she meant that she hopes my karma is that no one cares about my wedding. Thinking of the outburst all day and it really still hurts. I’m already hating the stress of the wedding, she knows this yet adds more. I feel like she (and some of my other family) are putting pressure on me to have this big day to their standards. Like I’m embarrassing them if I don’t.

My sister is all about social media, Instagram and lives her life trying to achieve what these other people do/have. I have no social media at all. I know I’m unusual for that but I see the damage it can do. I don’t compare myself to anyone and I know I’m happy living in my own bubble of what makes me happy. She’s so wrapped up on what she thinks is normal and makes me feel abnormal for not wanting a big fuss.

I went with my best friend and bought the first thing I tried on. A couple of shops away for shoes. We were done and dusted in less than an hour. The boozy lunch took longer. Do it all your way, including the hen do - which incidentally isn’t obligatory, I didn’t have one.

Then all the more reason not to give in to her demands. What's important is you are marrying the person you love. It isn't important that she can't post her idea of your perfect wedding.

Do what makes YOU feel happy and have your intimate wedding.

So remember you are not the first to have a wedding. If everyone on here is telling you to do it how you want, to not worry about the dress, to not be frightened by a low key wedding - it’s because it’s really good advice.

You are up against a whole commercial industry that involves making money out of your wedding day. It’s like Christmas - think what you tell yourself every year about spending money and buying food and presents....

If you like streamline designs order some high street dresses online. ASOS, Quiz, Monsoon. Try them on at home. It’s a useful reminder when you see the slinky ones in bridal shops as to whether they’re worth an extra £800+.

I went wedding dress shopping on my own. I don’t do family drama. I much preferred making my own choices!

I was so excited about dress shopping; had been dying to do it for ages and thought it would be the best day. I hated it. Every second. It was hot and sweaty and undignified and you’re pulled between opinions. I went off on the off chance to a high street place one evening the following week and got my perfect dress.
Do what you want to do, the way you want to do it.

Your sister sounds like a headcase

I tried on a dress and loved it. MIL was sneery, didn’t think it was special enough and talked me out of it. I ended up buying a compromise dress that everyone liked, and still regret it to this day. Go alone and get a dress YOU like.

So any wedding that doesn't fit her vision is sad? Fuck off.
Your day, your way.