The life of a single parent with no support.

[Snoozerboozer10]

Wake up
Get kids ready
Drop them at pre school club
Commute to work (dull job but needs must)
Pick up from after school club
Cook tea
Get them ready for bed
Tidy house/get stuff ready for next day
Watch TV for an hour or so
Go to bed.

Rinse and repeat for 5 days then more of the same at the weekends but with parks etc as my ExH has long since disappeared and so I have the kids every day and every night with no support. Money is very tight so difficult to keep them entertained.

No dating as not practical and no free days/nights. And who would want to date someone with no spare time anyway?

How do people in this situation manage to find something in life breaks the monotony.

Anyone else in this boat?

It’s so tough day after day, night after night.

Same here. The slog of it is really getting me down at the moment, but Im looking forward to the shift in routine when school ends.

After a long time being on my own I decided I'd make friends with my neighbours. I invited them all over when I had a rare free Saturday and we've all got to know each other really well. Doesn't work for everybody, I'm lucky to have some awesome people nearby which also doubles up as a bit of a support network in case of emergencies.

Still need something to keep me a bit more occupied in the evenings though, it's mind numbingly boring. There's only so much TV one person can watch.

But Smartly, to be fair, a lot of single mums aren't really single mums as there is another person involved (usually). I'm assuming that it takes 2 to conceive. Therefore there are 2 parents sharing the children. Why are they called a single mum?

It's much the same for many parents with a partner as not all are home for bedtime stories

Not the same.

it's much the same for many parents with a partner

Yes it can be...my dh works away for up to a month at a time so I get it! Also there are plenty of ppl whose spouses are in the forces and gone for months. I hate when single parents think that EVERYONE else has a great life!! Some ppl are also married to A’holes who do nothing at home and provide no support!! What about them! I’m not saying your situation isn’t hard OP, I don’t doubt that it is but that doesn’t mean that some don’t actually have it harder.

I’m not a SP but I’m another one who voted for meet-up. I moved abroad a couple of times with work when I was younger and it got me out and about.

Definitely worth a look.

My life could be described like this but I always take pleasure in the small things. So, for example, I have a mad rush to breakfast club and then an hour long commute to work 5 days a week. However, this is how I look at it: once I have dropped my DD to school I have a 15 minute walk to the Station. I have made a playlist of all my clubby favourite tunes and I put this on really loud and power walk it. It is quite exhilarating and it gives me an endorphin rush. When I get on my 30 minute train journey I listen to the Love Island podcast which makes me laugh the whole way to work. I look forward to this every day. Once I get to work I make a delicious smoothie with chocolate soya milk and I really look forward to that too. I also look forward to catching up with my colleagues for 10-15 mins at the start of the day (often talking about Love Island at the moment!). Looking forward to all these things that make me happy everyday actually makes me feel positive about my daily routine. It is a change of mindset because there are loads of things I could focus on that aren’t good about it. This is one example. I try to see the good side of most things that are part of my routine and make sure I inject in small things that make me happy throughout the day. Eg a mooch around Primark at lunch time where I might treat myself to a pair of £2 earrings or something. You need to give yourself small, inexpensive things to look forward to. Go to the park and read a book in your lunch hour or invite a friend over for dinner when your children are in bed. And try and introduce some fun things you and your kids can enjoy together too. A few Sundays ago, I just took my DD to some woods. They were about an hour away on public transport but it cost nothing (as I have a bus pass anyway) and we spent 3 hours exploring. It wasn’t our usual type of thing to do but sharing a new experience lifted both our spirits. I do sympathise however as it is hard taking full responsibility on not much money. I hope things get better.

my dh works away for up to a month

Presumably earning money so you're not wholly financially responsible

It makes me cry. These men have absolutely zero, ZERO repercussions for up and leaving their children. No one cares. They get to live a "lovely" carefree life devoid of their children, and leave everything, EVERYTHING, for many years, to the mother. (disclaimer - yes I am aware women do this too to men). Single mothers deserve so so much more from the Government (ie, just a bit of justice? Fathers to be held actually accountable?).

Yes it can be...my dh works away for up to a month at a time so I get it!

NO. You really, REALLY DON'T. My dh is off for long periods BUT HE COMES BACK. That's the whole point - you have someone who comes back to help take up some slack. You have someone who comes back to watch the kids for a moment whilst you make dinner or vis versa. You have someone who shares the burden of finances. ETc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

Strong network and support
Became best friends with a mum with kids the same age and gender as mine - single as well absolute life line
Supportive parents even though they live miles away
Plenty of phone calls
Animals and my dogs

Board game swimming and long walks at weekend

Audio books in car

And then realise that when your ex was causing mayhem and grief that your life is actually peaceful and nice on repeat.
As your kids get older mine are morphing into good friends as we are close

Got a new partner (I was like you) who is lovely and taking it slow and yes he did literally just pop into my life one day - I wasn’t looking.

Happiness here is the absence of stress.

Gardening is great therapy for kids and you - we love our garden and reading!

callmeadoctor "sharing the children"? hollow laughter
My ExH has my children every other weekend for 1 1/2 days. I have them 92% of the time. How's that for sharing? I still consider myself to be one of the lucky ones as he hasn't completely buggered off and he does pay some CM.
However, I am single and I'm a parent so yes I bloody well consider myself a single parent.
All the responsibilities, all the finances, everything, everything rests on my shoulders. This is very different to someone who doesn't see their husband much in the week

@formerbabe yes, but that doesn’t alleviate anyone from financial worries!! There are plenty of couples will are in financially tight situations.

@callmeadoctor
The OP talked about the other parent being NOT involved, as did many who answered.
And then there are many single parent where the other parent is involved, but only to a small extent.

Yes, it's completely different if the other parent is properly involved, preferably even 50:50, but that wasn't the case here and that wasn't what the poster I was pissed off about compared other situations with.

With you OP and weirdly had a bad day with it myself. The tedium and loneliness get to you sometimes. I've given myself a tension headache from crying today just wishing that things would be better.
At least we are not alone in our misery. The problem is that the depression stops you from planning anything which adds to the viscious cycle.
And those saying its similar if your partner works away or comes home after bedtime, seriously single parents arent saying nobody else has it tough but it is a special kind of loneliness and hopelessness that you cant grasp if you have never lived it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3639664-To-want-a-night-away-with-friends

Just an example of a married sahm who is having a shit time too!! Some men are more hassle!!

Why are people who are part of a couple so keen to dismiss how different it is being a single parent.

Op is asking advice on her particular situation, not a lecture in all the other people in the world who have it worse.

It's much the same for many parents with a partner as not all are home for bedtime stories.

Top bants. 🤣🤣🤣

Youngandfree have you seriously just posted a thread where someone is in an abusive relationship to prove that married women have a shit time too?

Wtf is wrong with you?

There are plenty of couples will are in financially tight situations

Of course there are, but surely you can see how much worse this would be if you were by yourself rather than in a couple?

Why are people who are part of a couple so keen to dismiss how different it is being a single parent.

Total lack of imagination and probably single parent friends with a privileged lifestyle.

I'm one of those. I find it infinitely more pleasant to be a single parent than having the father about, but my ex was an abusive cunt and my circumstances permit me abundant TIME TO MYSELF, so my life has improved markedly just by him being gone.

I cannot imagine how soul destroying it would be to have zero support from the father and to be without the means to any time off. It would do anyone's head right in.

OP. What can I say. That is so tough.

@Mummadeeze

I think everyone could take some of your advice. It’s so easy to get caught up in the big things that you forget the small pleasures.

Same as you OP.

Being a single parent, even if partner is not home much is ABSOLUTELY not the same.

Even if they are of little practical help during the day, they

1. Earn money
2. Help with decision making
3. Share the burden of responsibility for keeping on top of things like mortgage renewals, insurance, car servicing, bills, school choices
4. Share joyful moments
5. Are there for things like Christmas
6. Are usually there at the weekend
7. Often do DIY jobs

I do all of that, and the "invisible stuff" is the most stressful. Dealing with a sick child, panicking about whether to take them to hospital and nobody to talk to or calm you down, dealing with crap at work and nobody to vent to, worrying that if I lose my job, I will have no money, feeling unloved and unappreciated, making some parenting choices without anyone to think it through with, being ill myself, the utter dread of what would happen if I was incapacitated or worse.

There are of course upsides, too. I focus on those. For me, they are:

Look at you're beautiful children. You did that all by yourself.

You are a phenomenal role model.

There is no "adult to adult" conflict at home. Bliss.

You can eat what you fancy, watch what you want, go to bed when you want, have friends you want.

You are not undermined by another parent or played off against partner by the kids.

You get very close to your kids.

Appreciate those are my personal examples, others with and without a partner will be different.

I have had a lot of counselling to arrive at a place I feel Ok. It takes time and I have lots of blips when I feel just like OP.

I'm in the same boat by God its lonely unfortunately I'm just about to make the switch to universal credit and claim carers allowance to look after my 6 year old that will mean I wont be seeing people in work and my finances will be short too...

@Snoozerboozer10 it sounds like you are doing a great job of being mum and holding everything together for your family. Shame that the other parents are excluding you a bit. Have you tried talking to them about this? Or maybe there are other parents at school in a similar situation who could do with some company at the weekends too?

@Mummadeeze your advice all sounds really useful. We could all do with looking for the simple pleasures and trying new things.