To think medicrity is actually beautiful?

[TigerLilyMasie]

You usually see the word 'mediocrity' used in a negative way. Google quotes about it hardly ever view it as a good thing.

When I younger I had all sorts of dreams and ambitions and dreaded ending up with a 'mediocre' life, but most of that searching, yearning and chasing either ended in dust or disaster or just didn't bring the satisfaction I thought it would.

In recent years there have been a few health scares in the family, times when we have had to rush out the hospital or the care home in an emergency. There have also been a fair few deaths in the family.

As we are rushing to emergency I always find myself looking out of the car window at everyone going past, just doing normal, everyday things, having an average day, and really wishing that was me right now.

When there have been long-standing problems in life that have turned life upside down and made it tougher and more frightening than normal, it has always felt like a gift when the panic is over and 'normal' life has ensued.

When I look back on my life, the fondest memories are not the big, bold, flashy parts of my life but the everyday simple like sitting in the kitchen with my aunty and watching her bake cakes, or reading under a tree or taking the kids to café for fish and chips. Normal things.

When I dreaded being mediocre I was never satisfied with where I was or what I was doing because it was never enough. Now I see how cruel and unpredictably life can be I am happy to have a 'boring' night in front of the TV with DH in my pyjamas and not itching to be somewhere else.

Is my perspective just my reaction to sudden change a trauma? A way of curling up in my shell and playing safe? Have I gotten old and given up and become pathetically grateful? lol! Or is this me learning a bit of wisdom.

What do you think?

mediocrity !!!

Ordinary and mediocre aren't the same things OP, I think what you say can be true if you mean ordinary.

I'm happy with an 'uneventful' and comfortable life if that's what you mean. Not sure about the description mediocre.

And to appreciate the ordinary; you need to have first experienced the reverse.

I totally get what you mean.

Excitement, and adventure, can sometimes be a case of 'be careful what you wish for'! I remember vividly that the day before the first major earthquake in Christchurch, I had been bemoaning my boring, uneventful life. . .

YANBU. Sounds a bit Buddhist actually. Treading the middle way and not constantly striving. Taking pleasure in everyday things and appreciating what we have. Not sweating the small stuff. Doing a job that's useful and makes you a living, but isn't glamorous and high-stakes. It also seems like a good antidote to the modern culture of fame and celebrity. I'm lucky enough not to have experienced much trauma at all in my life, but I still think what you're saying is wisdom.

Your ambitions failed and so you have settled into a life you yourself have deemed mediocre. Do you truly enjoy it or is this a matter of accepting what you feel is the best you can get?

Plenty of people, like me, do achieve their ambitions through hard work and planning and picking ourselves up after each failure — I would never settle for mediocre if I want better and will always strive to get what I want.

Ordinary and mediocre aren't the same things OP, I think what you say can be true if you mean ordinary.

Online dictionary doesn't agree with you. Ordinary is the first definition they give.

ordinary, common, commonplace, indifferent, average, middle-of-the-road, middling, medium, moderate, everyday, workaday, tolerable, passable, adequate, fair

What is mediocre to you might be an achievement to someone else. It's all about perspective.

And to appreciate the ordinary; you need to have first experienced the reverse

Unfortunately this is true. I've had an interesting life with a lot of adventures and therefore trauma. I love being at home, doing the housework, chatting to my dad and SIL. Finally some peace in my life. I love each day.

familycourtq

lol!!! enjoyed it.

And to appreciate the ordinary; you need to have first experienced the reverse

No, not at all. I had the kind of upbringing even Dickens would find too traumatic to write about. I have never settled for less than I want and will always strive. This might be because I was raised by immigrants but it has worked over all. Failure, even repeated failure, is no reason to settle for less than you feel you deserve.

Your ambitions failed and so you have settled into a life you yourself have deemed mediocre. Do you truly enjoy it or is this a matter of accepting what you feel is the best you can get?

I dunno, my ambitions succeeded, and now I'm in a madly full on job, with more children than free hours to spend with them, with a wonderful house but that requires us working nonstop to keep it all going. The next step at work would mean a lot more money but even less time and more stress.
I'm looking for a job and location change to make a big downshift back to mediocrity, I say bring it on

Well, I just meant that a humdrum life could only be considered “beautiful” as a sort of antidote to having experienced the other extreme, Teddy. Not that it actually desirable in itself, or should be deliberately sought after

That's beautiful tiger, thank you. Remember the old Chinese curse "may you live in interesting times". Challenges when they occur do help us grow and hopefully become more humane but it is about celebrating the small things and having people to share them with. Trauma, loss, illness etc. will all come again and if today we can lie on the grass and enjoy the sun, we would be foolish not to relish it.

The happiest person I know is the one who from the outside 'settled' for less - no high flying job despite being very accomplished, no exotic travels, etc. All the stuff you're taught to want and she couldn't give a stuff about, which I admire.

I have another friend who is the opposite. Always comparing herself to others. Never happy in her job because others are more successful. Bankrupting herself to fly to ever more exotic locations. Always wanting to be different and better than other people. Constantly striving to be more than ordinary, and ultimately not happy.

The term 'mediocre' has negative connotations. We're often pushed for greater success, achievement, action and adventure or deemed boring but there's a lot to be said for the ordinary, comfortable life of simple pleasures and security.

The ordinary and the routine are to be celebrated. When something happens that takes away your security, be it death, serious illness or some other life-changing event, you will wish with your whole being to be back in a routine situation again.

Failure, even repeated failure, is no reason to settle for less than you feel you deserve.

Exactly - what you feel you deserve. I had a happy, stable childhood, did very well academically and went into the job I'd wanted to do since I was 12. But I am not at all ambitious, had no real desire to pursue promotion or set the world on fire in any way, and work part time at well below what a person with my qualifications could potentially earn. I'm happy!

@Teddybear45 Do you truly enjoy it or is this a matter of accepting what you feel is the best you can get?

We could ask the reverse of you. Are you happy with what you have or are you always striving for something else? If what you have now was all you would ever get, could you be happy or would something be missing?

I think it's about contrast. Actually, I think contentment and happiness come from contrast - hard work/leisure, excitement/mediocrity. We need both to appreciate either.

The trouble with settling is that you can end up trapped, craving change and adventure and with no means of getting it.

My own experience is that I decided to become a sahm because I had so much going on in my life, and at first it was wonderful. But I got bored eventually and it was very hard to find the work and change and excitement I needed. I've retrained now, for a fairly high stress role, and I recognise that although I sometimes feel overwhelmed, I need the striving and stress sometimes.

But yes, definitely trauma can make you crave the mundane. Doesn't mean you'll always feel like that.

I think the reality is that the vast majority of people are going to have lives that are mundane, ordinary, mediocre, average. By definition. We need to be honest with ourselves about that, because there is nothing wrong with it and it can be good as posters here are finding. A lot of social media these days is set up to suggest that this isn't true, that it's possible for everyone to be extraordinary, and you are falling short. It doesn't help people. We compare ourselves to to lives that don't really exist.

My life isn't exciting or what a lot of people would consider successful but I am very happy most of the time. My job is pretty poorly paid but really interesting, rewarding and very very flexible (which is very important to me right now). I have a small house but it's in a nice place with lovely neighbours and my family like it. And my children and husband make me very happy, even if they have thwarted my dreams of becoming a sky diving, acrobatic, Grammy winning artistic type....

I think I know what you mean. I don’t know if this is the same thing but it seems to me that my generation (25-35 ish) was told that we needed to make something of ourselves; go to university and find a high flying and well paid job, travel the world and then settle down with an equally high flying person and have several Boden dressed children in a big fancy house. I also have friends who insisted they needed fairy-tale, romantic comedy love to only be disappointed in the men they do meet. Definitely feel we have been sold the line about “ordinary” is undesirable.

I haven’t really done much of those aspirational things and I don’t intend to, but for a long time I felt I was failing by not having a highly paid and important career and travelling the world. I’ve had to do a lot of thinking to come to the realisation I’m not settling for “mediocre” I am choosing comfortable and ordinary and that not everyone has to have an Instagram life. I don’t think enough people realise that.