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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have a birthday/naming ceremony?

30 replies

namechangedtohelpyou · 15/07/2019 22:08

When my son was born, I really wanted to do a naming ceremony for him. I'm not religious however I wanted to do a very laid back humanist ceremony, to bring people together and celebrate the birth of my son - it would be extra special as I was unwell and really did not think I would conceive. It's incredible that I did.

My ex wouldn't agree to this. He said it was a stupid idea. I've now left him and he has no access to our son. He abused both of us. It was horrific and I fled. He now doesn't know where I live and I have a police marker on the house, they're that concerned.

WIBU to have a naming ceremony on my son's first birthday? Really chilled. Nothing heavy. Just a few nice words, I would like to choose the equivalent of godparents. I feel it's important that I do this, but I'm still hearing my ex telling me it's an awful idea...

If you received an invite, as a friend of mine, what would you think?

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 15/07/2019 22:13

Definitely go for it!! Have a celebration of your son and your new life together away from your ex, toast the future

Knitwit99 · 15/07/2019 22:15

Absolutely. If I was your friend I would happily come. And if I was a friend who knew the story behind you leaving an abusive relationship I would happily come, be hugely proud of you and probably cry.
Have a fabulous day x

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/07/2019 22:17

Even without the backstory, I’ve heard of families that have a big first birthday celebration in lieu of a christening. Go for it.

Original poster
namechangedtohelpyou · 15/07/2019 22:18

I'm so scared about it. I'm completely broken. I don't even know how to make a decision anymore. Even having two people on here tell me to go for it makes me feel a bit better. I've been made to feel so small that I can hear my ex telling me nobody will turn up, it's a bad idea, it will be a flop, I don't have enough friends etc.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 15/07/2019 22:18

We did this for both DC. Was lovely, both times. Even my very Catholic mum was impressed.

Lovestonap · 15/07/2019 22:19

It sounds a really lovely idea. As a good friend I'd be 100% behind you, and even as a vague acquaintance I'd think it was charming and readily accept an invitation.

REllenR · 15/07/2019 22:21

I've been to a couple of lovely naming days or celebrations and they were both lovely occasions. Go for it!

DappledThings · 15/07/2019 22:21

I've been to two naming ceremonies and both were combined with the child's first birthday. They were both really lovely days and loads of people came. Don't think anyone was judgemental about it in any way. Go for it!

CalmdownJanet · 15/07/2019 22:24

namechangedtohelpyou you fled, you left him, you are so brave! You took your son to start a better life, you should be proud of yourself, you should celebrate your future. Plan a small affair, people will come, do it for you, for your son, do it because you can do it to spite the prick I know you must be scared and broken and I am sure it's hard but you can do this, there is no hurry though, wait a few weeks/months until you are feeling stronger if that helps

Dontlickthetrolley · 15/07/2019 22:41

Absolutely, you can do what you want to do. Sounds fab and a fantastic way to start your amazing new life with you and your boy. We also combined first birthday and Christening!

falafelaboutit · 15/07/2019 22:42

You should do this for yourself and your lovely baby. Celebrate all that you've achieved together and the amazing things to come. You both deserve it

Leeds2 · 15/07/2019 22:50

Go for it!

june2007 · 15/07/2019 22:50

To me it's a bit meaningless but if it means something to you then do it.

Cryalot2 · 15/07/2019 23:01

If you want to and it makes you happy go for it.
See it as a new happy beginning.
My kids were not anything.

Durgasarrow · 15/07/2019 23:01

YES! Do it!!!

Pumpkintopf · 15/07/2019 23:04

Sounds like a lovely idea. Go for it op.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/07/2019 23:13

We did this for DS and it was a lovely, lovely day. We went quite big (summer baby) and had a huge BBQ either but that was because we'd not really done any entertaining since we'd had him and 'owed' lots of people return visits. But if that's overwhelming you can has many people as you like.

Go for it OP. See it as the start of your new chapter. X

Pinktornado · 15/07/2019 23:15

Lovely idea. Go for it! And well done on starting your new life with your little one x

outofnothing · 15/07/2019 23:16

Lovely idea - go for it!

outofnothing · 15/07/2019 23:17

Snap pink

CrumpetyTea · 15/07/2019 23:18

we did exactly this- naming ceremony combined with first birthday. We had a humanist celebrant (instead of vicar) and have guide parents rather than god parents - it was a lovely day - very chilled out - we had it outside and the sun shone all day. The ceremony was very personal - just welcoming our son to our wider family and saying what we wanted for him in life and why we had chosen the godparents- plus we had a couple of readings.

FusionChefGeoff · 15/07/2019 23:24

We did this for DS 1st birthday and it was great! Big field, BBQ, couple of gazebos and picnic rugs - quick speech and we named 'guide parents'. Go for it!

MoreSlidingDoors · 15/07/2019 23:25

We did this, but on DD’s 2nd birthday. She’d grown into her name by then. 🙂

MoreSlidingDoors · 15/07/2019 23:36

We chose Odd Parents. :)

bridgetreilly · 15/07/2019 23:49

Yes, you can do this, people will want to come and support you and your son, and it is a lovely way of welcoming him into your family. You could say a few words, and you could also maybe ask the not-godparents to say something as well - read a poem, perhaps, or talk about their hopes and dreams for his life. And then it's a birthday party, so cake and a glass of fizz would be appropriate!

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