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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding and baby

50 replies

Offforanotherwalk · 15/07/2019 12:50

Hi :-) just checking I'm not bu although I don't think I am :-)

I have a two week old son and have been invited to a child free wedding when he will be 5 weeks. The wedding is a friend of my husbands and while I have met the groom multiple times I have not met the bride. We RSVP'd about a month ago and said dh would attend but I would not as I am ebf. I also don't think I'll be ready to leave my little boy at 5 weeks. Just to add before we rsvp'd we checked babies weren't allowed and were told no. All fine. Not my choice but their wedding etc.

After ds was born dh friend text to say I had 5 weeks until wedding so should they hold my place as i would probably be able to come now. I politely declined saying I was bfing and also have no family available to babysit anyway (on holiday etc). We got no reply to this.

We then got a very nice gift when ds was born and a card that weirdly said they hoped everything was going well and that I was expressing so dh could share the nights? Maybe I'm reading into this but I felt it was a little dig to us saying we were ebf.

This morning the groom has visited and said to dh how upset the bride is that I am not making the effort to come? I don't even know this woman! I don't think I'm being UR to not want to leave my baby or start expressing before six weeks as my midwife advised just to go to their wedding?

OP posts:
Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 12:52

The bride sounds slightly batshit tbh. If you want to have a child free wedding you obviously have to deal with some guests being unable to attend. She doesn’t even know you so have no idea why she’s so over invested.

Thehop · 15/07/2019 12:54

Congratulations on your baby!

Enjoy him
And steer clear, they’re being weird x

mindutopia · 15/07/2019 12:59

It sounds like maybe they are embarrassed about their low numbers and are trying to find some placeholders. I would ignore. You don't have any help with childcare and you can't just leave your baby home alone, can you? You've already rsvped, so end of story.

RockyRolly · 15/07/2019 13:00

They sound like fucking weirdos. Really over invested and odd. Just say NO THANK YOU over and over again until they get the hint. Weird.

Original poster
Offforanotherwalk · 15/07/2019 13:01

Thank you :-)

I've no idea why she is so over invested! Also ironically when the groom was here this morning he was holding ds saying how he can't wait to have a baby etc and I just thought oh you wait and see ! I think they just don't understand the whole bf thing and think I am being a bit precious!

A lot of dh other friends are also going to the wedding and most don't have kids so I just wanted to check they wouldn't all think I was some loonie!

OP posts:
Cookit · 15/07/2019 13:04

This is absolutely crazy.

Who on earth would expect a mother to go to a child free wedding 5 weeks after having a baby?

BendingSpoons · 15/07/2019 13:04

I wouldn't go to any wedding with an EBF 5 week old who wasn't invited, let alone someone I hardly knew. They are being out of order harassing you. I think your DH needs to say firmly that he will attend alone and so no need to ask again as you won't change your mind.

NoSauce · 15/07/2019 13:06

Madness. Ignore them OP.

Twickerhun · 15/07/2019 13:07

Gosh they sound like weirdos but you need to remind friends with them until they have babies...

Original poster
Offforanotherwalk · 15/07/2019 13:43

Oh I can't wait till they have kids 🙈🙈

He's actually really nice and a long term friend of dh. I haven't met her as it's been a bit of a whirlwind romance and i have been very poorly during pregnancy so haven't been out socialising much!

OP posts:
Whatisinaname1 · 15/07/2019 21:33

Wow bride and groomzilia. Ignore them both. What did your dh say to them?

StripeySocks29 · 15/07/2019 21:43

Why is it always the people who have childfree weddings who can’t accept that the restriction they are enforcing means that some guests won’t be able to attend?

TwistyTop · 15/07/2019 22:23

YANBU, they are the weird ones in this situation. I would be really uncomfortable in your shoes - the bride doesn't even know you so really shouldn't give a shit that you can't attend. Thinking back to my own wedding I really wouldn't have cared if someone I'd never met couldn't come along. She's being intense and inappropriate.

Red flags waving. Avoid her.

And congratulations on your new baby 😊

AntiHop · 15/07/2019 22:28

Your boobs, your baby, none of their business.

As you said up thread, it's not advisable to express when the baby is so young.

laurG · 15/07/2019 22:32

Yanbu.... however I think it’s due to sensitivity around feeding. Sometimes when a woman says I’m ‘exclusively breastfeeding’ it can sound a bit smug. Not that you intended it like this. Also some people don’t understand breastfeeding.You don’t have to bring feeding methods into it. You have a five week old. There’s no one you trust to look after him. He is tiny. He is your priority. End off.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/07/2019 22:34

We were invited to a wedding without our children when DD was about 7 weeks old. She was our second and was mix fed from birth which made it a bit easier. Had babysitting from my mum and sister including baby brought to me for a breastfeed half way through. It was a pain in the arse and I was a bit pissed off that there were some children there.

Absolutely don’t go. Way more hassle than it’s worth and not viable without a close friend/relative to babysit.

Merryoldgoat · 15/07/2019 22:40

‘You decided to have a child-free wedding therefore I won’t be there’

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2019 22:40

Your boobs, your baby, none of their business.

Exactly this. If they wanted you there they’d have invited your baby.

IaurG what? Their baby IS bf, that’s a fact, why on earth would that be “smug”?! I tell you what’s smug. It’s thinking your wedding is so fucking important you expect people you’ve never even met to ditch their newborn who relies on you for their nutrition to attend it.

Drum2018 · 15/07/2019 22:45

That's hilarious - you've never met her yet she's pissed that you can't leave your tiny baby to attend the wedding. She's clueless, bless her. Who did she expect would feed the baby the expressed milk, while you sat through their vows and reception? And did she consider that you'd need to express throughout the day so as not to explode during the cutting of the cake - a hassle for you to have to deal with. Some people just don't think past what they want. You have already declined with a very valid reason so leave it at that. Don't even get into a conversation about it again. Congrats on your baby 😊

june2007 · 15/07/2019 22:46

If baby was invited then go but otherwise, you do what you feel is best. Send them a nice card and your appologies, they should get it if they don't that's therir problem

Polly7805 · 15/07/2019 22:48

Personally this would annoy me. Why can't you go for w couple of hours and see the ceremony, go to drinks reception and then leave?

Ariela · 15/07/2019 22:51

I'd have a chat to your DH's friend and explain how babies work... and say you're happy to come but have nobody to look after baby aside from which he is so young he'll mostly sleep, so if they really want you to come can you be sat to the side so room for the pram/carrycot and you can dive out if he makes noise or you need to feed him.

Otherwise you're not going.

ambereeree · 15/07/2019 22:53

Even if baby was invited it's a bit much going to the wedding of a woman you've never met. At 5 weeks you should be taking it easy

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 15/07/2019 22:55

No way would I be leaving a 5 week old baby despite main ff at that point. We also wouldn’t have had a baby sitter.

lastqueenofscotland · 15/07/2019 22:58

I personally LOVE child free weddings, but completely appreciate it means that certain people won’t be able to attend

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