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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give up two of my BOOKED train seats?

81 replies

RobynsMama · 14/07/2019 21:33

I got on an absolutely packed train today with my DD (2 and a half) and my nephews (7&8). I do this journey a fair bit, it’s long, pushing on 6 hours when the service is inevitably delayed and always always heaving at the weekend with people getting on with those open return tickets (you can’t book seats for those afaik).

I’d booked four seats as I was travelling with three kids, my DD would have been free but she’s the most independent, fussy madam atm and I just know it’d have been absolute murder getting her to sit on my lap for 5+ hours so I bought her a child ticket along with mine and DN’s so she’d have her own seat.

I’m taking the boys down to stay at my mum’s so we had a fair bit of luggage, and the buggy but if booked near a luggage rack for ease. I didn’t get a table seat like I usually request, instead two seats of seats one directly behind the other. This is fine bc I’m able to see the boys and they’re generally good kids anyway and they had plenty to occupy themselves with.

So we get on and it’s already busy but we’re all settled, all three kids currently watching screens of some sort (it keeps them the quietest on the trainHalo) and I’m indulging myself catching up on Killing Eve. Anout half way through the journey it’s really really busy, everyone’s in reserves seats and there’s a couple of people standing in the end bits and I assume it’s the same on the rest of the train.

Anyway I see two ladies get on, one is visibly older and has a stick. They walk down the whole length of the carriage and no one is (rightly I guess if they’ve booked them) offering a seat for this lady. My DD is actually being remarkably well behaved at this and I decided we could do the rest of the journey with her sat on my lap. I moved up to the window and got their attention and offered the aisle seat for the lady to sit down.

This gets met with a bit of a grunt, not even a thank you and I’m a bit Hmm but I’m not a fan of drama so I just ignore the rudeness of this and the lady sits down. The other woman just stands in the aisle next to our seats.

When it becomes apparent that the kids in front are “mine” they’ve been turning round periodically to chat to me, the old woman leans over to me and asks if I can move and share the seats with the boys so her daughter could sit down as well.

I honestly was speechless for a moment for the CF of it all and wondered if I had heard correctly. I apologised and was very polite and explained that no, I had already given up one seat for her and I didn’t want to spend the next two hours squeezed next to two kids with a toddler on my lap!

Woman’s daughter pointed at my DD and piped up with “she travels for free anyway” to which I swiftly told her that I had in fact purchased tickets for all four seats and made the reservations as I knew I’d need them and maybe they would learn to book reservations in the future (I was being a bit sarcastic at this point but honestly I was so taken aback with how cheeky it was).

She said “we couldn’t reserve with these tickets” and I replied “that’s not really my problem”.

Anyway I did not move and for the rest of the journey they both shot daggers at me and my DD every time she laughed or made any kind of normal toddler noise. I’d have kicked the woman back out of the other seat but my conscience wouldn’t allow me to because she’d have had to stand for two and a half hours but really?? I’ve never ever come across this type of thing before at all.

AIBU or should they have just been grateful that I even gave up a booked seat that I had paid for in the first place without expecting even more from me???

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovenor · 14/07/2019 21:57

Surely the daughter should have given up her seat for her mother?
If there was a first class carriage, then you could have suggested they try to find a seat in there.
Also, I bet that you paid more for your seats than they did.

oldstudentmum · 14/07/2019 21:58

Wow what a cf you did a above and beyond act and she did not say thank you yanbu and I have voted as such XX

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 22:00

You sound lovely, but these 2 idiots are putting off people from being nice. Shame on them.

I am also getting very bored of people who chose to save money by not paying extra but then expect people to give up seats.

EL8888 · 14/07/2019 22:03

Wow! They are impressive CF’s. What did they want for an encore?! To eat your food?! Watch your iPad?! Not even a word of thanks either. How many children did they expect to have on your lap

RobynsMama · 14/07/2019 22:03

sugarsprinklesrainbowdrops
Flowers I feel for you, I had SPD when I was pregnant and I don’t wish it on anyone. It’s awful. But your precious LO will soon be here!

The man on the bus was just a twat, I feel like sometimes certain people feel entitled and have little regard for others who may not look it . But are just as in need.

OP posts:
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 14/07/2019 22:05

I guess by giving up one seat, she assumed that meant you didn't have any "right" to any of the others. Even after you explained that no, you really had booked all four, it was easier for her to cling onto that than change her mind, because that would have involved letting go of a delicious sense of outrage.

Trains often bring out the worst in people.

Cryalot2 · 14/07/2019 22:05

You were very kind and they were very rude.
Having a stick does not mean the world jumps for you. ( i use a walking aid ) if you want a seat then book it or stand.
i have got abuse for years mainly from older women because i don't look disabled or look old enough or as though older women have priority.
Op Flowers ignore these ill mannered scum .

Jaomi · 14/07/2019 22:06

not unreasonable at all. I personally wouldn't have given up any of the prebooked paid for seats. I always prebook because I am disabled and sadly, because I am fairly young and not a wheelchair user, most people assume that I am fine to stand and as a result, I have been verbally abused for using priority seats and for not giving up my booked seat for someone else. The fact is, everyone has the option of prebooking a seat, if they choose not to they are accepting the possibility of not having a seat at all. The very idea that she would ask you to give up another seat astonishes me. Some people just seem to think they are entitled to the earth!

cantkeepawayforever · 14/07/2019 22:10

I once had to ask two late middle aged ladies to move out of the seats booked for myself and 2 very young children for a 7 hour train journey, because there was no way I would have been able to keep the children safe for the whole journey except by pinioning them in their seats.

It didn't feel good, but I could think of no other solution (AFAIR it was an occasion when there had been lots of flight cancellations or something, so that the train was absolutely packed, people standing alkl the way down the aisles)

BMW6 · 14/07/2019 22:15

Some people are just plain shitty OP. You did a nice thing, they tried to take the piss.

HeadintheiClouds · 14/07/2019 22:20

Of course you weren’t. Some people just have brass necks.

nettie434 · 14/07/2019 22:23

You were really nice to give up your seat. They were were really rude. Hope you have a lovely few days away and that there are no rude ungrateful people on the journey back.

Pixie2015 · 14/07/2019 22:25

Good on you for saying what you did home you relaxing at home now

ps1991 · 14/07/2019 22:28

I got on the train for the first time in ages last week, and it was my first journey with my 5month old. I had paid for an extra seat so I could have a bit of wiggle room and wouldn’t have to keep him on my lap, but the whole journey I was terrified someone would moan at me because my baby was taking up a seat! Some people are incredibly selfish :(

bingbongnoise · 14/07/2019 22:44

Rude rude rude, and YANBU @RobynsMama

Why do some people assume that children are lesser beings, and do not deserve to have a seat/comfort/respect? No way in HELL would I have given up even ONE seat, so good for you for doing that.

Some people are so fucking entitled! Hmm

RubbingHimSourly · 14/07/2019 22:46

YANBU.

And make sure you get a delay repay form if you've been delayed 30 mins you can get a half refund.

Over an hour and it's a full refund or a free return ticket to anywhere in the UK. I do this each and every time now.......I've sent off four forms this week alone. I'll use the free tickets for trips in the summer hols

StripeySocks29 · 14/07/2019 22:47

Op you’re a better person than I am, I wouldn’t have given up a seat I’d paid for at all, sadly I’ve learned that people aren’t grateful when you do nice things, they just see you as weak and expect more and more.

LadyRannaldini · 14/07/2019 23:02

I recall many years ago being in a queue somewhere, there were two schoolchildren and an elderly woman in front of me, when it was the hildren's turn the elderly woman pushed forward. When I pointed out that they were before her she told me that children needed to learn some manners and respect. My response was, loudly, They'll not learn any manners or respect from you, will they!

Motheroffourdragons · 14/07/2019 23:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

malmi · 14/07/2019 23:08

The reason they do it is because they have a flexible ticket which lets them get on any available train without having to know in advance which one will be the most convenient. There may be a service every hour, or more than one or hour. That's one of the benefits of train travel over, for example, flying. But when one does this one accepts the risk of there being no available seating.

AleFailTrail · 14/07/2019 23:09

Some Train companies allow you to book in the station a few hours before travel on any ticket.

Also there are some tickets (advanced) where the rules state you must travel in your reserved seat for your ticket to be valid. Even though it’s not enforced at all it’s one to pull out if people are cheeky soda about seats

Motheroffourdragons · 14/07/2019 23:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

Jellybeansincognito · 14/07/2019 23:50

Wow I can’t believe someone has pressed that you’re unreasonable, the only thing you’re unreasonable for is not making the CF get up after being rude to you.

Butterymuffin · 14/07/2019 23:58

YANBU. I have thought for some time that women get asked to give up their seats a lot more often than men seem to, and the anecdotes here fit in with that. Guess we seem less likely to say no. Good for you.

buckeejit · 15/07/2019 00:02

Yanbu but you were so right to give up a seat for the older lady. It's so easy in hindsight to think you should have said 'we've Already given you a paid seat to allow you to sit down,perhaps you can be more organised In future, it is a pain to arrange the seats but it's offensive for you to ask for more when we've already kindly given you one of our seats.

Maybe she was BU, maybethe daughter had other problems but please don't let your kindness be erased by this. Keep being kind where possible

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