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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad that my DCs don't want to come home?

52 replies

PleaseComeHome · 14/07/2019 16:03

I separated from my ex a year ago, and I have two DCs. DD and DS both 5 and 7 years old.

They go to their dads every weekend, he has them from Saturday and brings them home Sunday evening. Ex has told me that every time it's time to go home, they don't want to go home. No crying or anything, they just say they don't want to go home. And he has told me they have asked him if they can live there. I know he's not lying because the kids have asked me that aswell.

I know they're only kids, but it really gets me down. I try so hard to be a good mum, they asked me for certain things and I just can't afford it. I want to give them everything, and I've even started a small business on the side on top of my 9-5, so I can buy them the things they want.

It's all fun and games at ex's house, no school run, chores, homework or anything.

There's iPad, Xbox, he's got a car he takes them places. And I have to deal with the daily grind, the boring stuff.

It's so hard Sad hopefully once I get my business off the ground, I'll have more disposable income. Just looking to see if anyone else been in my situation?

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 14/07/2019 16:06

Can they split time 50/50 so 4days one week, three the next so they’re having week day and weekend time with both parents?

Pineapplefish · 14/07/2019 16:08

YANBU to be sad, it's hurtful to hear that although of course the kids don't realise that. I agree with pp, could you split the contact time differently so he has to do some school runs and you get some weekend time?

Leobynature · 14/07/2019 16:08

It is hard when you feel like a failure as a mother. You sound like your doing an amazing job. As you said, your kids have fun at their dads and you have to install the discipline and boring stuff. When they say they want to live at their dads don’t take it personally say something like ‘I love you and I will miss you’. In years to come they will remember these words. And i bet if they were at their dads for a long period they will be crying to come Home.

SagAloojah · 14/07/2019 16:17

YANBU. Why does he have them every weekend? Can you not change it so you get weekend time with them too?

gamerchick · 14/07/2019 16:17

Tell him of course they do. It's all fun and games at dad's house and that they would soon change their tune when dad starts to do all the dull shit like you do. Then give him the list of things he'll have to do.

Don't get into the competition you seem to be aiming for though. It's not about giving them all the things they ask for. Parenting is more than that. They need to have no said to them so they know where the boundaries are.

Treaclesweet · 14/07/2019 16:18

I would change contact so that he can do some of the boring bits and you get some weekend fun time too!

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 14/07/2019 16:19

If course they don’t want to come home. Who does want the weekend to end? No school, homework or day to day things to do. Maybe you need change the way time is split up.

LostInNorfolk · 14/07/2019 16:19

You need to change the access to give 50% of weekend time each.

Cherrysoup · 14/07/2019 16:20

You’ve given him every weekend?? Could you not do 50/50 or at least a couple of weekdays with him so they can start seeing him as a non-Disney parent?

Mascarponeandwine · 14/07/2019 16:21

Change the days so you both get one weekend day each and he gets one or two schooldays.

putastrawunderbaby · 14/07/2019 16:22

It's not reasonable for you to have no weekends with your children. You need time together to relax and have fun. Why aren't you having any weekends together?

PositiveVibez · 14/07/2019 16:23

Agree with pp's so you get some weekends with them too. You sound like you are doing an amazing job.

Of course they don't want to come home on Sunday night. They've got school on Monday morning!

Do they have any homework they can take to their dads to do?

Bouledeneige · 14/07/2019 16:24

Change the access - you should each have a turn at weekends - he can have them a night or two during the week. And to be fair, it wont be long till he has to do homework with them at the weekend too.

Mums get all the shitty stuff to do anyway. They rely on you to make their lives tick but might not quite realise how much you do. Big hugs OP.

Breastfeedingworries · 14/07/2019 16:24

Every weekend Disney Dad isn’t fair on you. Should have two weekends each and he has them wednesdays/ Thursday and it isn’t his weekend. X

Stripyhoglets · 14/07/2019 16:24

You need weekemd fun time with the children too. Suggest he does Saturday to Sunday one week and Thursday to sat Am another week. He needs to do a bit of the daily grind parenting too.

Pinktinker · 14/07/2019 16:26

He’s a typical weekend Disney Dad. To them he’s the fun happy go lucky one who takes them to great places and buys them cool things. You’re the ‘boring’ one who makes them get ready for school every morning, makes them do homework and chores etc. Of course at 5 and 7 they are going to want to stay with the fun one.

I suggest he has them EOW so you actually have two weekends a month to have some fun with them. It’s not fair that he gets all the fun time.

Standstilling · 14/07/2019 16:27

Def change the days so you get weekend fun time and he gets boring school days.
Also, it is early days for you all emotionally. Mine were similar ages when we split and would say these things, sometimes in anger, and xp would use it to score points to get at me. But 2.5 years down the line they hardly say it at all.
Keep doing what you’re doing and being the great mum they can rely on. And be very kind to yourself. It’s shit but I does get better Flowers

nauseous5000 · 14/07/2019 16:29

No no no!!!! You deserve leisure time with your children too! He can have every other weekend and two week days in his non weekend time. If he can't make that work he needs to find a way. It's not fair he gets all of the fun times and none of the donkey work. My ex moved away so he gets more of school hols (8/13 weeks) and then one weekend a month when no hols. So he doesn't have to do a lot of donkey work but it works for DD. It's commendable to want to give your kids a better life, but if you're going to put yourself out working FT and working extra make sure that money is for future proofing their life- not just competing with a dad who gives them everything they want and little of what they need

Sarahjconnor · 14/07/2019 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tumbleweed101 · 14/07/2019 16:30

I felt like this too. Then I went away for three weeks and left them with their dad (mine are older). They were so pleased to see me and be back in my routine etc when I got home. Made me realise that they do appreciate the ‘boring’ stuff really. Their dad wasn’t so good at get the daily stuff organised and they missed that when it went on for that bit longer.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/07/2019 16:32

Why on earth do you get all the daily grind and he gets all the fun time? Can't you split things more fairly?

Myriade · 14/07/2019 16:33

Why is it that they are spending EVERY weekend with him and none wth you?
Of course being at daddy’s better. They dint go to school. They can play all day along etc etc.
I’m pretty sure that they would react in a different way if they had the opportunity to spend time with you at weekends, wo being rushed or having to do things.
And they might well not be as keen if daddy was taking them to school regularly.

You have a big issue here. But it’s contact. I think your u end to sort that one first. Maybe by expecting him to have them 2 days during the school week (where he also has to deal with homework etc...) and you can have them every other weekend.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 14/07/2019 16:34

What kind of business is it you're starting?

Little ones benefit from seeing their parents working but they do like time and attention more than material things.

GhostHoward · 14/07/2019 16:35

Could you try to have every other weekend and one night a week?

Sandybval · 14/07/2019 16:35

That must be hard for you, but I agree with what you have said that there's no school runs etc, so they probably associate going home with back to school and routine. Not saying they don't enjoy their time there, but every weekend ie 'the fun bits' seems a bit unfair. Does he see them during the week as well?

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