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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH sodding off to badminton whilst I'm unwell

45 replies

Hormonesareabxtch · 14/07/2019 13:49

Me and the kids were just beginning to get over a bug so feeling pretty crap in general, but I'm also having my first period since giving birth to our last DC and it is like nothing I've ever had before, It's torrential and very painful.

I've had a cracking headache for two days and feel weak, all the result of the period and associated hormones i presume but very unpleasant when you're trying to fend off a bug and look after the children single handedly.

DH is part of a badminton club and the group meet every weekend to play. They're a nice bunch and I get on well with them, never any objections to his hobby from me. I'm not resentful of him having his own time.

My AIBU is, am I being unreasonable by being unimpressed with DH for going this weekend as opposed to missing just one occasion, so he could be present at home and give me a hand as needed.

Without wanting to sound like a martyr, I've struggled today. DC1 is being difficult DC2 is inconsolable, I was left to sort all of the housework including DH's dishes which he conveniently left in the sink before going, the lazy arse.

I appreciate he needs something for himself and have never begrudged him that, but I'm not impressed today.

OP posts:
cavalier · 14/07/2019 13:52

It could be PMS making you feel worse but ... can you express how you are feeling to him ?
Maybe he will see why you feel like this and arrange a nice day out some sort of treat for you all that you can all share when things settle down ? If you don’t your resentment could fester and get worse

Rosiesandposies1 · 14/07/2019 13:52

Why are you doing the dishes and housework? Leave it for him when he comes home!

PristineCondition · 14/07/2019 13:54

Agree there no need to do chores, he can sort them later

PristineCondition · 14/07/2019 13:54

And did you ask him to stay home?

Mrsjayy · 14/07/2019 13:55

I would leave it and sit your arse on the sofa he can do it when he gets back if he is insisting in going.

Cherrysoup · 14/07/2019 13:56

Dunno why you’re doing anything bar cuddling the kids. Why on earth would you clear up his shit?

notangelinajolie · 14/07/2019 13:56

Do what I do - I ask for DHs help if I need it. He is the world's worst mind reader and needs everything spelling out to him. Picking up signals is not his best forte - perhaps you just need to tell him.

thebear1 · 14/07/2019 14:00

If you asked him to stay at home and he still went you have every right to be annoyed. If you didn't say anything then it would have been nice of him to realise you needed support but I don't think you can be cross he didn't.

BarbariansMum · 14/07/2019 14:00

YANBU if you asked him to stay.

Ellmau · 14/07/2019 14:01

When he comes home tell him you didn't feel well enough t do any housework. He can do it then.

newmomof1 · 14/07/2019 14:01

I think YABU. You're clearly physically capable of looking after the children.

Did you ask him to stay home? Is he going to be gone all day?

Just leave the housework until you feel better.

BarbariansMum · 14/07/2019 14:01

And fgs leave the dishes!

bridgetreilly · 14/07/2019 14:01
  1. Don't do any housework
  2. Put the kids in front of TV
  3. Lie on the sofa and rest
  4. Tell DH when he gets home that you are going back to bed now and he's in charge

And next time, you need to tell him when you need him to stay at home.

Londonmummy66 · 14/07/2019 14:03

Tell DH when he gets home that you are going back to bed now and he's in charge

This

I sympathise - mine thought he could go off and do his hobby and leave me with a 3 week old baby when I'd had the out of hours Dr out at midnight with mastitis

swingofthings · 14/07/2019 14:07

What bridgetreilly said. If he is in a team, cancellong at the past minute is going to mean they probably have to cancel the game, not fair on his partner or the other player.

However, do the stri t minimum and let him take over when he's back.

Original poster
Hormonesareabxtch · 14/07/2019 14:07

I agree I shouldn't have bothered tidying up, I just didn't want to sit in mess until he gets home later on.

I didn't ask him to stay home no, because I already know it would turn into a monologue of "It's the only thing I have for myself, all I do is work. I need my own space too"

Had I asked him not to go he would have spent the day with a face like a slapped arse and held it against me, that much is certain.

What I was hoping for was some consideration and for him to do the decent thing and not go of his own accord because it was obvious I needed his help this weekend.

I've just reminded myself of the scene from 'the break up' where Jennifer Aniston says to her husband "I want you to WANT to do the dishes" Grin

Sorry. I'm a grumpy cow today. I haven't missed this PMS lark.

OP posts:
Ohwhataballsup · 14/07/2019 14:12

Can you book some Annual Leave & piss off on holiday have some days off to yourself, make DH take Annual Leave & leave him with the kids!

Original poster
Hormonesareabxtch · 14/07/2019 14:13

He'll be gone most of the day yes.

I am capable of looking after the children but that's not to say I haven't struggled today. I'm soaking through a pad every 30-40 minutes, stressed and have the worst headache I've had in years, feel very dizzy and generally crap.

I sound like a right old humbug but I envisioned him bouncing around big grin on his face care free laughing and joking whilst I'm stuck in the house suffering trying to manage the children at the same time.

I have anxiety and OCD so I find it difficult to relax when the place is a mess.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 14/07/2019 14:17

Definitely do as PP's say and let him take over everything when he gets back.

If you've tidied up what you need to to be able to relax, get a blanket and a cuppa and cuddle up and put a film on x

GertrudeCB · 14/07/2019 14:21

Is your blood loss abnormal for you OP?

Original poster
Hormonesareabxtch · 14/07/2019 14:23

My periods have never been this heavy no, but I'm told that it can be normal for a first period after baby

Unfortunately I don't remember what previous first periods after birth have been like

OP posts:
juliej00ls · 14/07/2019 14:24

YANBU.... hope you feel better soon. Hopefully you can delegate dinner time to DH

GertrudeCB · 14/07/2019 14:24

I've had 2 DC and never had a period that heavy.
Has your headache been continual since your bleeding started ?

Original poster
Hormonesareabxtch · 14/07/2019 14:27

Continual headache since period started yes, dizziness and feeling weak increasing since yesterday

OP posts:
HalyardHitch · 14/07/2019 14:27

I hope you're ok, op. How many pads have you soaked through? How old is your baby?