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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want only us at our wedding?

53 replies

Babyblues052 · 13/07/2019 20:52

So my partner and I have decided to get married next march after 2 year engagement. We have spoken about getting married for years and both agreed we hated the idea of a big lavish wedding, it just isn't us. We want to be married in a registry office then get in the car with our 2 yo ds and drive up north and have a little hotel mini break just us. Thing is we really don't want anyone there, we know we need 2 witnesses but apart from that we just want to get married and go have a break.

I've really fallen in love with the idea of us doing it that way and for me it's really romantic, I realise some people will think wtf.

But it's already causing tensions with some on both sides taking offence thinking that it's some kind of personal attack to want it to be just us. It's wearing me down, even when we explained surely it's our day and we should be able to do it how we want there is still drama. Our friends and most of our families are really supportive but some are driving me crazy!

Do you think we are being out of order? Should we invite our immediate families?

OP posts:
lunaland · 13/07/2019 20:56

Just keep it the two of you. It's what you both want and it sounds lovely.
Your families will get over it.

MrsBertBibby · 13/07/2019 20:56

You are unreasonable to have shared your plans!

You could of course invite a few, but you'd only further offend those not invited.

Tell them all you've decided not to get married at all. Then do it on the quiet.

cstaff · 13/07/2019 20:56

Of course not. It's your day. You can do whatever you choose and to hell with everyone else and what they think you should do. Elope if it makes life easier.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 13/07/2019 20:59

Tell them they can arrange a party after I'd they want. It's your day, no one else's.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/07/2019 20:59

Me and my dh did this...

We decided on a place that meant a lot to us, found a registry office, booked the wedding, booked a hotel, booked somewhere nice to eat. Turned up, git 2 witnesses from the registrars office, 15 mins later we were married, had a lovely meal, a night away in a hotel then home the next day Grin

inthebackground · 13/07/2019 21:00

It’s exactly what I did. I was proud of it.

But I’m 10 years older and regret it , I feel like I missed out but at the time I didn’t even think that way

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/07/2019 21:01

Oh and it's your day, do what YOU want.

Hadalifeonce · 13/07/2019 21:06

We had a very small register office wedding, but quite a few colleagues and friends came to the office to watch.
They weren't involved in the rest of the celebrations (small family dinner). Actually a wedding is a public event, and you cannot stop people watching. You could still have family watch you get married, then disappear with your DC for your holiday.

MindyStClair · 13/07/2019 21:06

We had our parents and siblings but no one else.

A few people tried to kick off about it, but when they did we wouldn’t try to explain, we would kind of just reply “oh well!”, and they gave up really quickly. I suppose it was a ‘grey rock’ approach, but I didn’t know about that then.

What you’re planning sounds lovely, so do it and don’t waste energy explain yourself to people who probably won’t even try to understand.

MintToBee · 13/07/2019 21:11

We eloped in June. Just us and two witnesses from Mumsnet. It was bloody perfect and we don't regret it for a moment. We decided we didn't want a wedding for others, we wanted a marraige for us. Just do it.

Original poster
Babyblues052 · 13/07/2019 21:11

@WhoKnewBeefStew that sounds perfect to me! It's exactly what we want.

@inthebackground. I have thought about that, that maybe I'd regret it looking back but I really don't think I will. Although you never know.

Thanks for the replies, we wanted to give everyone the respect of saying this is our plans so it's not just sprung on them or they find out in the worst way, over Facebook! When it all kicked off we did think about asking our dad's to be witnesses (neither of us have relationships with our mums) but its not them that are having a problem with it. So I don't know. I think we will just stick to our guns on this as I really want to look back and have it be how we wanted it to be, something just for us.

OP posts:
Marmozet · 13/07/2019 21:14

It sounds perfect. It's your special day and it needs to be about starting your life with your partner not about pleasing others. Do it.

EmeraldEagle · 13/07/2019 21:16

Could you have the wedding you want & then have a little party with your family and friends when you get back from your honeymoon?

hidinginthenightgarden · 13/07/2019 21:17

Don't tell them you are doing it.
My Aunt and Uncle invited people round for a BBQ and announced that they were married and the BBQ was their reception.
Do it like that! No agro until it is too late!!

Windygate · 13/07/2019 21:20

Do you what works for you. My uncle and (new) aunt got married in their local registry office and paid two of the staff to be witnesses, then announced it after the event. DF and I were chuffed, DM still annoyed.
Fellow MNers have been witnesses before.

PepsiLola · 13/07/2019 21:20

We went to Vegas to get married, we told people before of our plans... yes people got arsey, but they got over it!

Just stick to your guns

Baileyscheesecake · 13/07/2019 21:23

My husband and I got married without telling our families. We’d already lived together for 6 years and couldn’t afford a big wedding. My sister had got married earlier the same year so there had already been a wedding that year. We had three friends attend and two of them were our witnesses. We stopped at my mum and dad’s en route to our honeymoon which was a hotel for the weekend in Wales. Our families were geographically a long distance apart and it would have been logistically very difficult and expensive to get everyone together so it was much easier to just do it and tell everyone afterwards. We took photos at my mum and dad’s in their garden so I have a photo of me in my three quarter length wedding dress and my mum and dad but sadly not one of me and my husband and my mum and dad. My mum was cross with us for about 5 seconds but then was happy that we’d tied the knot although secretly I think she probably was sad that she hadn’t been there. My brother was really cross with us more I think because we’d upset my mum. Everyone else got over it pretty quickly. My husband had two brothers and two sisters so his mum wasn’t too upset that she’d missed out. She had other children who would go on to have weddings that she could enjoy. His family were fairly untraditional anyway. Apart from having upset my mum I have no regrets. We had a lovely day and it was just about us and we had fun. I would do the same thing again. My daughter hates the idea of a big wedding so might do the same. She is my only child though so I would be disappointed if I don’t get invited to her wedding and they don’t have the same geographical and financial constraints that we had. I hope you have a lovely day whatever you decide to do and make the decision on what makes you both happy Flowers

Original poster
Babyblues052 · 13/07/2019 21:35

I'm so relieved the general consensus is we aren't being the unreasonable ones. We just want our day to be about us and our little one. I think we won't tell them the date and just plan it, hope they forget about it as its in 8 months and then let them know after we have done it. Fingers crossed no one is too arsey about it.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 13/07/2019 21:37

If it is really just the two of you plus witnesses, nothing wrong with that at all.

6triesbuttingout · 13/07/2019 21:41

Change the date ( 2 months earlier??) and don’t tell a sole. Enjoy your special day

StinkinDrink · 13/07/2019 21:42

How I wish me and my husband had done this just with our baby, don't get me wrong nothing in particular makes me regret my wedding day I just wished we hadn't spent the money/went through the stress and just had a small ceremony and a holiday. You wont regret it 😊

MermaidUnicorn · 13/07/2019 21:50

Please just elope, don't listen to your family, or do what my sil did, which was invite only very close family - DH, not me or our kids. It was a ridiculous halfway house designed to appease my mil who apparently would have keeled over or something if she couldn't attend.

CollaterlyS1sters · 13/07/2019 21:59

We did this. 100% recommended

BackforGood · 13/07/2019 22:05

I think where you have gone wrong, is telling people, in advance. It is like talking about your unborn baby's name. By 'putting it out there', it is inviting comment. If you want your wedding to be a private affair with no-one else involved, then just go and do it. By 'letting people know' you are presenting as if you are asking for their approval / blessing, which, for those people who feel hurt by it, is difficult to give.
Of course you can do that if you want to, but just do it, if you want it to be just about you and your dp.

Original poster
Babyblues052 · 13/07/2019 22:06

I think we just won't mention it again and just do it. Then let everyone know after the fact. This is they type of drama that weddings bring we wanted to avoid!

OP posts:
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