Very violent three and half year old

[Letshopeitworks]

My son has asd and is non verbal. He is very violent and it’s getting worse it’s not a reaction he does to get his own way.
Today he has
Ripped chunks out of dd6 hair quite a few times she will just be playing then he does it.
I have several bite marks where he has bitten me and my neck has nip marks on it
My newborn has been slapped today:(
I can’t keep anyone safe nor can I control him he hurts himself as well
I just don’t know what to do:(

OP is there anything in particular that makes him happy? A favourite character from a book or TV show?

If so, perhaps you could try to use pictures of the character to let him know what's happening next i.e. get shoes on etc. I did this for my nephew when he was small and it seemed to help map out his day. I'm not suggesting this will solve anything but any small step may be worth a try. I really feel for you, it must be so hard.

My heart goes out to you. It really is very hard.

I live in Australia and I'm not quite sure how the health system works in the UK. Can you go to your GP and ask for a psychiatrist's referral? My youngest son is intellectually disabled and his behaviour nosed dived when he hit the teenage years. He became aggressive, irritable and attacked people, even me, for no apparent reason. It was his psychologist who said he needed to be in the hands of an specialist and be treated with medication. She couldn't help him as there were no triggers either.

He got referred to a really lovely psychiatrist and although it took a few months of trial and error with different medications and dosages we finally hit the jack pot. It's nothing sort of a miracle the difference 2 small tablets a day have made to him and us as a family. He's now calm, happy, able to focus and concentrate and back in school in his final year. He had to leave school because it had a duty of care to to protect other students and staff as well.

Push for that referral as strongly as you can. Many kids on the spectrum need specialist intervention and medication.

How does he communicate? Can he communicate what he wants? If he can't he will be very frustrated. There will be triggers but sometimes it can be ditto unpick them because the behaviour may not happen instantly. Are the nursery pursuing an ehcp because they should be.

I know some parents of kids with asd use compression vests? I'm not sure how they work, but the parents spoke as if they were essential for behaviour.

Ok push for referrals to speech and language and a sensory OT if they are on your list. If they are not they should be. Call up camhs and let them know you are not coping and need support with him.

The speech and language therapist will help you and his school to establish an effective means of communication for him.

The sensory OT will help to identify if he has sensory differences that are acting as triggers / making his life more difficult. They could prescribe a sensory diet for him to help reduce these sensitivities.

Look up support groups for Behaviour Analysis. They will help you to create ABC sheet to collect data (antecedent - what happened immediately before, behaviour - what the behaviour of concern was, consequence - what happened immediately after the behaviour occurred.), analyse the motivation behind the behaviour and decide on a consistent manner of dealing with the behaviour.

This could be giving him frequent attention on a regular basis while never giving him stern toon when the behaviour occurs.

Or providing alternative items for him to carry out behaviours e.g. something to smash tap, hit or bite.

Look up ABA services in your local area.

Good luck OP. As a pp said this behaviour is actually a method of communication. It is an inappropriate method but can be redirected into signing, handing over a symbol, pointing to a picture etc. But you need specialist help to support you with this.

Sorry if others have already said, I haven't had time to read the entire thread, but with any of the external services you're waiting on support from, I know it's a pain and so difficult when you're in the thick of it every day, but just keep pestering them on a daily basis and make sure you say that you are concerned for the safely of your other children (particularly the baby) and they will then have it on record that this is a concern and will try and bump you up (especially CAMHS)... I know the level of service varies massively from area to area, but in my experience (as trying to secure support for families as a professional, not personally), this seems to be the only way I can get priority for family who are clearly in huge need of support... I really feel for you and hope you manage to get the support you need soon 💖 are you part of any ASD parent support or advocate groups that could help get your voice heard? If any of your children are school age then you could also ask the school to try and hurry along any support you're waiting on from the avenue of ensuring your older children's well-being etc?

Please don't look up ABA therapy.

Do push for help from a speech therapist and an occupational therapist.

It's really difficult and you need to know that you are doing a good job even when it doesn't feel like it. This is HARD.

The more you learn about him the easier your life will be, knowing what calms him, what sets him off, what he likes, what is absolutely going to cause a meltdown.

Please don't punish a meltdown - if he can not control his emotions and his body then he needs help to learn, or for you to help him to avoid reaching that point. But once he's there he can't control himself and consequences won't be useful.

OP. It’s so hard. My DD (learning disability and ASD) went through a violent phase around the same age. She’s 5 now and a lot better. Things that helped included ABC charts and a social stories about hitting and pulling hair. I’m sure getting bigger (she’s 5 now) and better able to communicate also played a part.
Definitely push for OT - ideally someone trained in sensory integration. They can help you identify what sensory needs these episodes are fulfilling and find other, less harmful ways to meet them.

Hi OP,

We're just dropping by to let you know that we can move this to a more suitable topic, if you wish.

Just report your post to us using the report button and we can help.

He’s been referred to ot and about to be referred to social services. I found a green space outside today which is closed off and no one was there which was to let him run free

emerence you said
Please don't look up ABA therapy.
Can you please explain why not? ABA therapy has helped many non-verbal children and adults with autism to be able to communicate effectively and lead happy lives with rich relationships.

Why would you deter someone from seeking that scenario for their child?

There is a lot of controversy around ABA and the techniques it employs, many people view it as cruel and some of its fiercest critics are autistic adults whose parents signed them up for ABA as children.

Is there a place in your house that you can make safe for him? With a new baby he will be experiencing a sensory overload. Even if it's a tent with cushions, ear defenders, low lights etc. You can't expect him to keep safe in a regular home environment, so try to adapt it for him. Have his nursery contacted portage in your area? Make sure they do. They can access all sorts of support including additional funding to give him a 1:1 for 10 hours in nursery.

There's a really good group on Facebook called SEND VCB PROJECT

The vcb is violent and challenging behaviour

I know many young people who are graduating from university, starting jobs and relationships and moving into their own homes after gaining skills on home based ABA programs. I also know many adults who are able to communicate their needs and have good lives who benefited tremendously from ABA programs.

I currently work with adults who have severe behaviours, no functional means of communication and cannot leave their homes without at least two adults for their safety and the safety of others. These adults have never had behavioural intervention.

There are good and bad ABA practitioners as in any field but on the whole modern ABA is reinforcer based.

I challenge anyone who believes ABA is child abuse to actually visit a well managed modern program which is full of fun, laughter, tickles and most of that child's favourite things and stand by their opinion.

Yesterday I carried a child on my back on and off for almost an hour, painted a fence in several different colours. Exploded a volcano all over the kitchen. Made shaving foam pictures all over the shower floor and made mud cake cookies all at the verbal request of a four year old who could not communicate six months ago.

PECS, SCERTS, Token economies, first-next boards, visual schedules, TEACCH, PBS etc have all emerged from ABA.

Op.get your thread moved 5 special.needs clearly some posters have no.idea about autism, have you been referred for the early bird plus course ? I think it's plus when it's pre school, it won't solve things but it helps you understand a lot of reasons why your son the acts the way he does

www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/controversy-autisms-common-therapy/

This is quite a good article about what aba therapy is and it's pros and cons

@Letshopeitworks I've worked in several SEN schools/environments over the last few years with children from the ages of 3-15. Some of the children with ASD I've worked with can be very violent, so I know how challenging it can be I'm a long-time lurker but have made an account so I can comment - hopefully a couple of these things will be helpful to you in the short-term while you're waiting for support.

Routine is absolutely key when working with children who have ASD. In several of the ASD classes I've worked in (including reception) we have visual timetables (with symbols) so they can see the structure of the day. If you google "visual timetables" you can see different examples of them - Twinkl has some generic ones that you might be able to adapt to suit, or software like Boardmaker Studio can enable you to make your own relevant to you. We also use "Now/Next" or "First/Then" cards with the same symbols on the visual timetable to help in transition between activities (e.g. "first dinner, then play") and to reinforce behavioural expectations. If the child begins to resist we use minimal language and say "no, first then _" and keep reiterating it until they follow the instruction (and we give lots of praise when they do)

I know a lot of non-verbal children who become violent because they have no other way of communicating what they want or what's upsetting them. Introducing communication boards with relevant symbols to him and his preferences/needs might help. If you model "I want " with symbols like eat/sleep/play/drink/toilet (or specific ones e.g. raisins if they're his favourite) while giving him the option to choose might help develop his voice and his ability to communicate without violence. As he gets older he would move onto more advanced communication boards (e.g. "I'm feeling " or using symbols with abstract concepts like "help"/"more") but start with the concrete/physical. Twinkl or Boardmaker would again enable you to make them, but google "SEN communication boards" for ideas. Speech & Language would be able to help you with these too.

When you said he's trashing the house, is he picking things up to drop/throw them? That combined with the spinning would suggest he's quite physically sensory-seeking. I've used feathers, glitter, sand, cereal and rice to occupy ASD children or calm/distract them when they're upset (they would rub them through their fingers/ hands, watch them fall, then pick them up to repeat). Ribbons, shaving foam, ice-cubes, bubbles, water play (with cups to pour with), playdough, cornflour slime or giving them paper/material to shred or tear can also hook them and distract them from more destructive activities. I've also known a child who would spin but be calm when listening to music, or would spin with ribbons to watch them move. It would be worth trying sensory bottles or trays if you haven't already - if you google the terms and look on Pinterest, there's lots of ideas. Try him with different things and see if any catch his sustained attention/interest.

I hope some of these strategies help in the short term while you're seeking support, and I really hope the HV can help on Monday too. Please feel free to PM me if I can help further. I really hope things improve soon and you all get the support you need

. Is he very loving as well.
My nephew is the same scratching pinching at biting. He's not quite 2 yet. Like your little one nothing triggers him or we don't know what. He'll just be playing then within seconds he can turn lashing out throwing things biting and screeching.
His poor older brother has got a terrible bite mark.
However the same little boy is so loving. He'll just come up to you and throw his arms around you and give you a kiss.

Thanks for all the advice. My sons doctor actually told me she’s against aba and she’s well respected in her job by parents and other experts. Ive asked dh to try and pick up a pop up tent for him on his way home tonight as I think that will help as he does have sensory issues for sure he likes to go in small spaces ( I’ve found him inside a drawer that he closed after 🙂) he also likes to put all sorts in his mouth caught him licking wee from carpet today if I didn’t laugh I would cry

He can be loving every time he raids the fridge he always gets something for his sister as well

Awww bless him.

or (whichever you prefer.

I hear you and I would agree with your son’s doctor regarding ABA.

My son is autistic with ADHD and as a small child was non verbal. As he is my only child I didn’t have all the issues you do but I can only imagine how it might have been if I had been in that situation.

At 3 he is non verbal and his only way of communication is this. There could be a number of causes.

The pop up tent is a great idea as it sounds like he finds small spaces reassuring. My son used to curl up in the bottom shelf of a book case at one time. At 16 he likes his bedroom as his safe space and retreats there when the world gets too much.

I know how you feel about laughing or you’d cry, it’s so hard sometimes and the support out there is not great,

Love how he always gets something for his sister if he raids the fridge and that tells you a great deal about his personality.

Obviously you don’t know what the future holds in terms of verbal ability....my son went from non verbal to talking the hind leg off the proverbial donkey between 4.5 yrs and 6yrs . He still had and has many issues though.

Do you have a Local SEN Support Group online or who meet up. I run one local to my area and we meet up for picnics etc in the holidays . These are great as everyone understands and nobody bats an eyelid at meltdowns etc as we’ve all been there.

My DS has just started wearing a body sock some time every day. He lies on the floor being a starfish.

He then runs about in it being dangerous and we have to take it off, but he does enjoy the stretching.

I do suggest that all the people who are 'against ABA' check it out themselves and visit a family implementing it before they dismiss it out of hand. My daughter was non-verbal and is now a happy little chatterbox who is doing extremely well in mainstream school and has friends and a full rich life.

However, I won't keep beating the ABA drum if you are against it yourself OP.