God my weekends are so depressing!!!

[BellyAching19]

I have no friends. That’s my choice to be fair as I’m autistic and don’t like to socialise.
I work Monday to Thursday mornings. My weekday afternoons are spent with my dogs and cleaning the house.

I have Fridays, Saturdays and sundays off. 95% of the time, I waste them.

Yesterday I took dog out (45 minutes), went to hospital appointment (1.5 hours) sat on the sofa messing on my phone (far too many hours) and then dragged my carcass outside for a run (30 minutes). I was basically just trying to pass the time until it was socially acceptable to get my pyjamas on and play computer games with a beer.

Saturday - I have no hospital appointment so I literally have NOTHING planned. Same for tomorrow.

DH and I are not talking and haven’t been for 3 days now but it makes no difference, we don’t do anything when we are talking as he just wants to sit on his computer game all day.

I’m so fed up. What’s the point?

I'm sorry you feel that way. What about visiting somewhere new with a picnic to get outside while the weather is good. If you don't want to socialise you could take a book and a rug somewhere?
Do you have family that you could speak to about how you feel?

I have my cousin who has invited me to Pride next weekend so I’ll be doing that. I’m just so fed up of my life now. The only thing I look forward to on a weekend is the time when I can get my pyjamas on and play computer games, it’s so sad.

DH plays the fuckers all day, I at least wait until the evening.

Ugh I'm sorry, that sounds rough.

The way you describe it, it's not so much the lack of contact with others that's bothering you, but the lack of stuff to do, is that right?

What about developing an interest or hobby? If you don't really want to be around others, could you take an online course or get into DIY stuff in the house? Could you afford to do budget weekends away and see more of the world?

I know you're saying it won't make much difference, but being in a "not talking" state for so long with DH doesn't sound healthy....? Is that normal for you guys? Are you ok with that in general?

How old are you OP?

How about Saturday morning Parkrun if you are a runner. You don't have to socialise there, but it gives you a fun few hours out doing something you enjoy.

It sounds as though you are depressed, can you speak to your doctor?
You seem to be stuck in a rut and need to find something else to enjoy. Do you have any other interests you could explore?

Does DH not work?

I too was going to suggest parkrun (volunteer if you can't walk 5km, plenty walk). Try church on a Sunday, very welcoming, faith is optional (seriously it's basically a social event with a sprinkling of god for most of our congregation, coffee and lunch at the pub is the reason to attend)

What about other forms of activity where you don't have to socialise directly with people but you are part of a group. Cycling, wild water swimming, kayaking, rock climbing or other water sports?
What things are you interested in? I'm social so seek out friendships but often crave alone times and imagine what I would do with them - walk the Gower coastal path - go camping to the Scilly Isles.
If physical activity isn't your thing what about cinema or theatre groups? Or travel?
My other half was away last month and I flew to the South of France just for the day (very cheap flight and it's only an hour and a half or something to Nice) caught an Uber into town and spent the day eating and drinking french food and wine and wandering around the shops and markets.
Music festivals too - there's usually a few on at this time of year - you can be around people but not have to engage directly with them - just do your own thing.

I’m 38. I go to a sport club twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays but it isn’t on on a weekend. I used to have a David Lloyd membership but it was too expensive as I never used to go. I’m not a fit person, it kills me just doing week 2 of couch to 5k.

DH and I don’t argue often but when we do he likes to drag it out for as long as possible, it’s fucking boring.

He works Monday to Friday but leaves at lunch on a Friday and is straight on his computer game. I might as well live alone to be honest.

Why are you & DH not talking ??

Why don't you and dh just jump on a train and go somewhere for the day? Explore a new town, nose around some shops, have a meal, etc.

DH and I are not talking because my son (18) has mental health problems. He doesn’t live with us but the other night the police brought him here at 3am after finding him on the wrong side of the railings on a bridge. What was I supposed to do? Tell the police he couldn’t stay?

For context, DS is violent and has fought with DH a few times which is why he had to move out. He’s also stolen from me and trashed the house etc

What would you like to do instead? Where would you like to go? It really is something you are in control over.

I used to feel like this about my evenings. Then I realised I didn't have to just sit in and watch telly every night after my kids went to bed. I started going to the gym some nights and actually spent some time on my own interests.

Do you drive? Can you take yourself out somewhere for the day on your own? Write a list of things you've always wanted to do and go and do them.

Assuming you’re in the UK, there must be dozens of places within easy reach that are great days out - tourist attractions, beaches, forest parks, stately homes, gardens, zoos, museums, not to mention concerts, plays, films etc.
Why not check out your local and surrounding areas on Tripadvisor and pick a new place to visit every weekend? It would get you out of your rut and off your computer. Also get the brochures for your local theatres and concert venues to see what’s on and buy tickets.
Life is what you choose to make it. I’m also autistic and I DO live alone (widowed for 27 years), but I certainly don’t stay inside all the time!

Why haven’t you and dh been talking for 3 days? You might feel less depressed if you sort out your relationship.

Do you love him? Want to stay with him?

Ah, x post. That sounds very difficult. Is your ds getting help? Who does your ds live with?

So you threw you 18 year old son out because he doesnt get on with your DH (I'm assuming he's not his) but you dont get on with your DH anyway.

I'd leave & be with my son.

I thought you were single until the last paragraph.

Life is too short for this shit.

1. Either make up or break up with DH. You can't have a relationship not talking.

1. If you are happy playing computer games there is nothing wrong with that. BUT you aren't happy. Can you volunteer / work more / do something to make you feel life has more meaning?

I'm sorry for your situation, DH is not helping, what happened with your son is not your fault your DH need's to grow up, the both of you should be enjoying your weekend's together going for walk's, having a pub lunch, go see a movie, visit your local museum, do you have a garden? If so you can do that together, is there any where locally you can maybe do a few hours voluntary work? You really need to get thing's sorted with your husband you can't live all weekend not talking, maybe you should consider separating

Is there something you could do every weekend with your DS that would get you out of the house and also improve your bond with DS? Doesn't need to be anything complicated. Go to a boot fair, have a walk around a local park and feed the birds, pick a film to go and see and treat yourselves to a burger/coffee/pizza before or after.

It sounds like things are pretty much finished with your DH. Have you looked at your options re leaving?

Gaming is fine, it is your choice, as long as it doesn't impact on work. Also, you can make friends online in some games.

Regarding your DS, regardless of what he has done in the past, he will always be your son, and you showed him you love him unconditionally. It might be worth mentioning to your DH that whilst you don't agree with your DS behaviour, he is your son and will always come first. It is then your DH's choice to accept this or not.

I'm curious, what kinds of games do you both enjoy? Are there any that you could play co-op?

I am concerned how negative you are to yourself, "I waste time" "dragged my carcass". You are an adult, you have the choice of how you like to spend your time.

I am reading that you have a routine during the week, that is acceptable, but weekends don't have the same routine and you can't see the point in DH.

So this is what I want you to do.

Get the computer out, open a spreadsheet or word, and write down your routine for the week Monday to Friday, then at the weekend you need to have the same morning routine and then plan how you would like to spend your time. Once it is established you might find it works better for you. Include the time for gaming, time for dogs, running, map out an hour to do a free open learn course or similar.

Finally, choose if you and your DH are compatible, or if you are so used to the status-quo that you are just existing together.

Consider speaking to your GP regarding your mood. 1

I'm autistic too.
Do you have trouble motivating yourself and getting started on things?
I love Karmin's idea above about planning a routine. I have trouble getting out of bed (am also depressed) so would help me too, if I knew what to include
I opened your thread because I identified so much with the title. I don't work but have activities during the week.
Do you have the confidence to try the new things people have suggested? Would they interest you?

As others have said, come to a local parkrun. Normally people go for a coffee afterwards but it depends on how social you are - I don't tend to do that. Or are there any national trust buildings you can go and see?

How can one not speak to a partner for 3 days??? Fucking madness. Either sort the relationship or end it, life is just too short for this.

Take yourself out for coffee and cake?

If you can drive? A random drive signing along to some music can be awesome

Have lunch out alone?

Join a running group?