God my weekends are so depressing!!!

[BellyAching19]

I have no friends. That’s my choice to be fair as I’m autistic and don’t like to socialise.
I work Monday to Thursday mornings. My weekday afternoons are spent with my dogs and cleaning the house.

I have Fridays, Saturdays and sundays off. 95% of the time, I waste them.

Yesterday I took dog out (45 minutes), went to hospital appointment (1.5 hours) sat on the sofa messing on my phone (far too many hours) and then dragged my carcass outside for a run (30 minutes). I was basically just trying to pass the time until it was socially acceptable to get my pyjamas on and play computer games with a beer.

Saturday - I have no hospital appointment so I literally have NOTHING planned. Same for tomorrow.

DH and I are not talking and haven’t been for 3 days now but it makes no difference, we don’t do anything when we are talking as he just wants to sit on his computer game all day.

I’m so fed up. What’s the point?

Thanks for the advice and the spreadsheet routine sounds like a great idea. It’s probably the autism but if I have a set routine I’m fine. For instance weekday - get up at 6:30, take dogs for a walk, have breakfast, check my work list, set off. Get home at 1:30, have lunch, take dogs for a walk, sort the house out, go for a run, make dinner ....

On a weekend I have no routine so I do nothing.

Even when DH and I are talking he doesn’t want to do anything. We have a nice pub down the road, 20 minute walk down country lane, would be perfect to walk the dogs there ... we’ve lived here 6 years and he’s agreed to it once. Yeah I could go alone but what’s the bleeding point in being married then??

I think the marriage is convenience now. Together we earn a decent income, have a nice house and can go on holidays. Honestly I’m starting to wonder if that’s all we’re about.

We have cineworld across the road, a bowling alley, restaurants, a little cafe 20 minute walk away but he doesn’t want to do anything. Always says he’s busy sorting the house out. What he actually does is spend hours on the computer and then maybe cuts the grass for 10 minutes

Have you considered redecoration? And accidentally chopping through the broadband cable?

I took up gardening when I was about your age. I’d never managed to keep so much as a houseplant alive before then. It’s an absolutely amazing hobby and requires minimal to zero socialising, although other gardeners are lovely sharing people if you choose to find them.

It has been totally life changing and since you sound quite unhappy, I recommend you give it a try.

I love decorating. When DS moves out I made a start on decorating that room to make a guest room - the paintwork was lovely and I spent ages on it and then DH decides to put a load of junk in there, loads of shit I can’t move because it’s too heavy so now I’ve lost interest.

The other bedroom I decorated beautifully and DH decided his guitars and amplifiers should go in there ... so now it’s current state is massive fuck off amplifier in the middle of the room, wires everywhere and a guitar chucked on the bed.

Oh dear. I think give marriage guidance a go and set a deadline for how long you will put up with this.

Decide on your top 5 things that improve your mood. Make a weekend schedule that includes them. Walk to the pub by yourself. Take a boot of a Kindle.

My DH is hard to get out of the house sometimes so I just do stuff without him. I would go apeshit if he messed up my decorated areas with tech crap, though!

A book! Not a boot.

Your DH sounds a delight.

I'd honestly be thinking of sacking him off and finding a place for my son and I.
Seriously.

What does your husband contribute to your life? Not much.
Getting in a strop about your suicidal son being brought to your home by the police is absolutely vile.

I love going to the cinema by myself, it means I can watch what I want without worrying if the other person is enjoying it. Most of the time it is in the dark and you can’t speak, so I don’t feel like I’m missing much by not having someone sat next to me.

I go to a book club, which meets one Saturday a month. We have a member who I suspect is autistic or something similar. We all take it in turns to talk about the book and when it is her go she will say just one or two sentences and then her score, rather than waffling on like the rest of us. We meet for two hours and the first hour is spent on the book and the second hour is just general chit chat, she doesn’t join in too much with that either, but she seems to be glad she comes and we value her as part of the group, so it isn’t always necessary to be massively outgoing.

Thanks again for the advice.

You know I was complaining I didn’t have anything to do today? I’ve just found a tick on my dog and have to go to vets to have it removed. Ironic!

I’ve just tried to make conversation with DH and he more or less blanked me so fuck him

I don't have a dog so I don't know but are there places you can go to meet other dog owners? There is a woodland round here where they all seem to go.

I have to admit though that I would be somewhat pissed off if somebody who had been violent towards me was taken in by DP - I appreciate it's your adult DS and he was in crisis, but violence is violence whoever it is and your DH has a right to not feel threatened/at risk in his own home, so that's separate in my mind to his other crap behaviour.

Get rid of the husband. I think you'll be just fine then! Life is too short and you don't have any young ones to worry about.
Hope your son is ok.

Do the spreadsheet.
Draw up a timetable for the weekend with slots for routine things and flexible things.
Do a list of the flexible things you want to do and slot them in as you wish.
DH isn't doing them so please yourself! If he does deign to join in, so be it. But don't live life on pause while he pleases himself gaming. Nothing wrong with gaming other than it can be quite consuming and then there's all the other things you miss out on.

When you've found a more purposeful routine that suits you, evaluate the relationship.

Parkrun could give you more purpose to the running and its only as sociable as you want it to be. If you run/ walk to the rear, it's quieter anyway. If you like being in parallell with people but not necesarily actively socialising it works well.

OP -I would like to suggest Onelink.to/GirlCrew to you. I'm similar to you, not antisocial but don't go out often and my life must be regulated. I had a time on my life where I was travelling for work and someone suggested GirlCrew to me. I was able to link up with done like minded ladies who enjoy a hobby I do (sort of niche). It really help me and everyone was so kind!