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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex threading to End his life what do I do

62 replies

Littleteacup1 · 13/07/2019 04:40

Ex broke up with me and I agreed it was for the best im finally so happy and free of his constant controlling behaviour. He on the other hand regrets his decision to make it worse we live together and both can’t afford to go anywhere else until end of August. He’s taken it badly keeps crying and begging for me back for another chance started doing house work and offering me lifts and dinnner first time in 3 years. Ive said he’s had his chance 3 times and im done. I’ve gone away for the night and he text me telling me he wants to end his life I threatened to call ambulance as I was miles away but he wanted to say goodbye so would wait till tomorrow. The thing is he’s threatened this last time we broke up he’s had so many times but he’s never gone through with it and he won’t go so anyone for his mental health. What do I do I can’t help but think he’s doing it to make me get back with him but obviously I have to think he may actually be doing it for real who do I call tomorrow and what do I do he’s quit his job today too I’m so worried who can I speak to

OP posts:
CanuckBC · 13/07/2019 04:42

Didn’t read the whole thing. Call the police. Send them to where he is. Don’t let him play with you by threatening suicide.

Littleteacup1 · 13/07/2019 04:44

He won’t tell me where he is although he will be home tomorrow I’m going to my local police station tomorrow to speak to someone and see what they can do or what advice I can get

OP posts:
Rumplesmoothskin · 13/07/2019 04:48

Call the police now, 101 non emergencies 999 if it's imminent. Give them the details you have. Even if you don't know where he is.
This is what the helplines do, it is the proper advice.

CanuckBC · 13/07/2019 04:48

Does he have a cell phone? They can track him via that. Him quitting his job is very worrying. Did he have plans to do that before? Was it a sudden thing for him to do?

Birdie6 · 13/07/2019 04:49

He's going to kill himself, but he'll wait until tomorrow so he can do it after he's seen you ? Please don' t believe this manipulative nonsense. Call the police NOW and tell them what he has said.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/07/2019 05:03

id personally just tell him, that hopefully I would see him in his next life.

I’d then call his family and let them deal with him

TeeBee · 13/07/2019 05:15

Typical abusive response I'm afraid. Don't get dragged in. My moneys on him suddenly being fine when you show him you're not going to deal with it. Agree with others, call the police/family and let them deal with it. Doesn't bode well for you having to share a house until the end of August. Maybe you can convince his family to take him in...considering he's so vulnerable and all.

Gingeraledrinker · 13/07/2019 05:18

This is an awful situation for you op Flowers

Obviously, you cannot be held to blackmail by his threats, yet at the same time (in case he means it) you need to take the threats seriously.

So (maybe check with the Samaritans)) but I think the official advice on this one is to validate his feelings (acknowledge he is hurting) and tell him he needs to seek outside help. Tell him the relationship is no longer healthy for either of you and his wish to commit suicide is something that is a symptom of a bigger, deeper issue (ie none of should be dependent on one person for our existence) and he needs to seek outside support for it. Perhaps write down some numbers for him, eg Samaritans, gp etc, but do not get drawn in any further. Tell him gently that we are each responsible for our own happiness, that he ultimately wouldn't want you to stay with him not out of love but because of suicidal threats, and that he needs to take responsibility for his own MH. Also tell him that if at any point you feel he is going to harm himself then you feel it is within your rights to inform the emergency services, his family, his friends, his work colleagues etc, but that you won't be getting personally involved further than that. Obviously, do not get drawn in to a situation where you are alone with him and he has a knife or other weapon or dangerous substance. Protect yourself.

Again, check with the Samaritans but I believe the most dangerous time for this sort of threat is from the point of a break up until about six months afterwards. Speaking very generally, except in a very few cases, most of these situations resolve after this time without any actual suicide or self harm, and the person who threatens suicide accepts the end of the relationship.

Therefore op, it is very unhealthy for you still to be living with one another as it extends the agony for both of you. I know finances are stretched but could you possibly move out and sofa surf at friends' houses, until the end of August?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2019 05:37

All this is is emotional terrorism. Be very thankful you've finally made the decision to leave this controlling bastard. Ignore this bullshit.

Yeahnahmum · 13/07/2019 05:41

So you broke up because he was controlling you
... but now he still is..

Call the police let them handle him. Block his number and delete.

YouJustDoYou · 13/07/2019 05:49

It's not your responsibility what he does.

Silversky70 · 13/07/2019 05:58

Pass it on to his friends and family immediately. They can deal with him.

flamingjune123 · 13/07/2019 06:00

Do not enter into any conversation about how he is feeling. Each and every time an abuser announces they are going to end their life do this:
'I'm sorry you feel like that. Now I have to call the police and let them know.' You then call the police, give the details and do no more. He will soon realise that this form of emotional abuse will not get him what he wants and will stop doing it without further attention

IfItIsntYerManRobert · 13/07/2019 06:19

Call the police and/or pass him onto other friends/family.

And tell him that threatening suicide just makes you 100 times more adamant that he needs to be out of your life, not less.

summerofladybird · 13/07/2019 06:21

He's trying to abuse and control you. Change your mobile number or Iain and move on. Not your monkeys or circus.

Stillstrawberrywater · 13/07/2019 06:49

I would inform his family of his actions.

ScruffGin · 13/07/2019 06:51

He's continuing being controlling, next step may be too end up in hospital to teach you a lesson... Don't fall for it. If he threatens suicide, call the police, don't engage with him at all

OKBobble · 13/07/2019 06:54

He is lying to manipulate further. Tell himm next time he "threatens" this you will call his mum/dad/friend sonhebhas support. He will soon stop!

funnylittlefloozie · 13/07/2019 07:32

yeahnahmum is right. He is STILL controlling you, in the nastiest, most manipulative way possible.

Do you have children together? Perhaps he quit his job to avoid paying maintenance, not because of some dramatic plan to end it all.

My exH used to threaten suicide. He stopped doing it after i shrugged and said i didnt actually care if he did or not. Im not vile, but there was a spate of suicides at my workplace around this time and i simply couldn't deal with any more of his emotionally-bullying manbaby crap.

londonrach · 13/07/2019 07:34

Hes not your problem, phone the police and get them to help him then block his number x

Tableclothing · 13/07/2019 07:37

He's not going to kill himself, he's just found a new way to control you. Call the police and tell them what you know, then block him.

MauisHouseOnMaui · 13/07/2019 07:38

You are not responsible for his life and him trying to make you responsible by holding you emotionally hostage to it is abusive.

Whenever you get a suicide threat, phone the police. They'll look for him and a few false call outs will soon help change his mind about making these sorts of threats as the police don't fuck about, if they think he's in his house and in danger they will force entry. When he's had to fork out for new doors a few times he might grow the hell up.

NotStayingIn · 13/07/2019 07:44

I really don’t understand the responses saying contact the police. They have better things to deal with and stretched resources. How is this their problem? If I saw someone about to commit suicide of course I would ring the police and try and prevent it, but this, no.

Call his family if you want. And then ignore. It’s another form of controlling behaviour. And thank your lucky stars you are getting out. Flowers

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 13/07/2019 07:51

'I'm sorry you feel like that. Now I have to call the police and let them know.' THIS is what you need to do.

It’s a police problem because the ex is either sducidal or abusive and trying to control her. Both are police issues.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 13/07/2019 07:53

Manipulative bullshit - easier said than done but you shouldn't engage at all. Point him at the livi app where they can get you signed up to therapy

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