Ex threading to End his life what do I do

[Littleteacup1]

Ex broke up with me and I agreed it was for the best im finally so happy and free of his constant controlling behaviour. He on the other hand regrets his decision to make it worse we live together and both can’t afford to go anywhere else until end of August. He’s taken it badly keeps crying and begging for me back for another chance started doing house work and offering me lifts and dinnner first time in 3 years. Ive said he’s had his chance 3 times and im done. I’ve gone away for the night and he text me telling me he wants to end his life I threatened to call ambulance as I was miles away but he wanted to say goodbye so would wait till tomorrow. The thing is he’s threatened this last time we broke up he’s had so many times but he’s never gone through with it and he won’t go so anyone for his mental health. What do I do I can’t help but think he’s doing it to make me get back with him but obviously I have to think he may actually be doing it for real who do I call tomorrow and what do I do he’s quit his job today too I’m so worried who can I speak to

I would tell his parents, any siblings, and a couple of close friends that he says he is suicidal but you are now his ex now so you can't be the one that helps him.

Then leave - it doesn't matter if you can't afford it, you can't spend any more time there. Stay with parents or friends but get out. This will only escalate and he may harm himself or you if you continue to be there. Remove all of your stuff from the house then block his number, don't tell him where you're moving to.

Manipulative wankers like that still trying to control make me so angry I’d likely say..

‘Well that’s one way for me to get the place to myself, an easier option would be foryou to just move out’ but I’m good either way🤷🏻‍♀️

Or simply ‘Get on with it then’

But the right thing to do would be as a PP said ‘I'm sorry you feel like that. Now I have to call the police and let them know.

Do nothing. He is responsible for himself not you. Threatening to end his life is abusive. Stay calm don’t respond x

It’s a police problem because the ex is either sducidal or abusive and trying to control her. Both are police issues.

I do see what you mean but if everyone calls the police when someone threatens suicide as part of manipulative behaviour it takes resources away from urgent cases. The police is stretched and surely we all need to evaluate a situation rather then immediately shout ‘call the police’. It’s the same as not calling an ambulance in all situations.

It’s for the OP to decide but for me personally someone threatening suicide as described here would make me want to move sooner rather then wait till August, but wouldn’t lead me to call the police. Yet. I would if things escalated.

For goodness sake, move out, even if it means sofa surfing with friends.

If he's threatened suicide several times, he's not going to do it. DSis's abusive ex used to do this regularly, and in fact he did once end up in hospital having taken an overdose that wasn't remotely enough to kill him. When she finally broke up with him properly, needless to say he threatened suicide again. Three years on, he's still alive and horrible and making another unfortunate girlfriend's life miserable.

I'm obviously a class A bitch because I think my response would be to tell him to crack on then.

NotStayingIn
The advise I was given in a similar situation given by mental health services is to call the police.
This is clearly manipulative behaviour, however that's never to say suicide can't actually occur. The OP is being held to ransom by this threat and she's not equipped to deal with it, she needs to hand over this threat to people who are. If the police will have access to mental health advise. They are the professionals and need to make any decisions, not the OP.
Once this abusive manipulator realises he's not getting his needs met by OP with his threats, it's his choice then whether to continue down the route of suicide threats or not. Indeed, it's his choice if he then decides to end his life. Whatever, the OP won't be left with having made the 'wrong' decision once she's passed it on to professionals

My STBXH tried this stunt. I called the GP out for an emergency home visit. He didn’t threaten suicide again but escalated his behaviour which could have affected the whole street. You do need to go public with this OP as you need the support, not him

@flamingjune123 that's really interesting, thanks for explaining!

So on top of everything else, he's going to be jobless. That'll help.

So sorry he's putting you through this OP.

I had one like that. I never let him move in, though..

He finally got the idea when my only reaction was to hoy him out of the door because I wasn't about to have blood ruining my new flooring.

I suppose the right thing to do is call the police and say he's threatening it (again) and you don't know whether it's real or another attempt to engage and control you.

But I just ignored them after a while.

He's still very alive.

Also, ring Women's Aid or your local domestic abuse people. Or even the domestic abuse department of the police - you're calling them anyway, so it's best you speak to the specialist team, as his threats are part of the script all abusers trundle out.

If you've ever done a risk assessment with these agencies, you'll know how seriously you need to take this. Not because he might kill himself - very few of them do - but because if he's one of the very few, he just might decide to take you and/or your loved ones (children, pets, etc) along with him.

I agree with @Apolloanddaphne id tell him to get on with it, what he's threatening is emotional blackmai, tell his family and friend's what he say's he's planning to do let them sort him out, you need to leave as soon as possible

Coercive control is now illegal under DV laws.

This is what he's doing, so you've every right to contact the police.

His actions are not your responsibility and he doesn't have the right to control you with his self pitying bullshit any longer.

Manipulation. Tell him to get on with it and/or pass him a rope.

When I left my abusive ex and moved in with my mum (took the kids) he turned up at her door saying he was going to kill himself. I asked him to wait there and returned with the kitchen knife and told him to get on with it then, he called me a bitch and left. He re-married soon after and was another woman's problem.

Can I just add - yes it's very likely he is manipulating you and trying to control you - but those people saying pass him a rope, tell him to get on with it, don't drip on the carpet etc - be very careful. My late ex bil actually did kill himself when my dsis3 left him and she has had to live with the emotional fallout ever since.

I'd just say I've forwarded the texts to your parents / family so they can check on you. I'm. Not playing games. Goodnight he's being abusive and controlling

I'd forward his messages to his family and let them sort him out. You are not responsible for his life - he is !

It is coercive control, or an attempt at it.

You do need to call the police. Certainly don't go back to him. He may be trying to hook you back in (don't). It is also possible that he harms you too if he finds you won't be playing ball and dancing to his tune.

Inform the police and then block his number. Find somewhere else to stay for now if you can (family, friends).

If you have children do not leave them with him.

I’d bet money that it’s a manipulation tactic but each and every time he threatens it call the police and ask for a welfare check (I’ve done this a number of times and it’s a fairly straight forward process).

That’s all you can do.

He’s not your responsibility anymore! Look forward to your awesome life without him!

I agree with Gingerale about those saying pass him the rope. Whilst the majority of these people won't carry out their threat and are just using it as a tool to control the other person, experience in my own wider family tells me that there can always be the odd one who did actually mean it and follow through.

Need I say more? You can never know who that one who did actually mean it will be. They don't go around with a label on their foreheads. They are dangerous and insidious though and the fallout is terrible.

This is just more controlling behaviour. He is assuming that you will have him back through guilt.
Tell him that while you wish him no harm at all, if he kills himself that will be his decision and you will not feel guilty about it and will continue to make a life for yourself.
Then sit back and watch just how fast he switches from suicidal to homicidal.
And on the remote chance he doesnt, it really isn't your responsibility.
My exh threatened to leave because he was convinced I would beg him to stay. He was wrong. Sooo wrong. Then he did exactly what your husband is doing now. it is a last, and frankly pathetic, throw of the dice.
Do not fall for it
Well done for getting out

I'm with @Apolloanddaphne

It's manipulative bullshit and he won't end his life.

But even if he genuinely meant it, this is his choice and his responsibility. You have given him chances and he has not taken them. My ex also threatened suicide (this is over a decade ago and he's still going strong) and I felt immense guilt. Reading "The Dilemma of the Bridge" (short non-religious parable) by Peter Scazzero really helped me see that he was not my responsibility.

I wish you every happiness moving on with your own life x