Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Date ended up meeting her friends ...aibu to be annoyed?

59 replies

yetrer · 12/07/2019 22:09

I've been dating her for about 2 months now.
Anyway we had a date and we planned to spend the day /night together.
We had a few drinks in the pub and her friend text (who I've socialised with a few times too )
She said let's go meet her and her boyfriend.
So we only got 2 hours just the two of us and the rest of the time was with her friend and friends b/f
I was a little annoyed as I just wanted time together.
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 12/07/2019 23:32

Chill fgs. Wanting her alone after such a short time sounds clingy. Get to know her on all levels, not deep intense heavy focus early on.

Or maybe she was bored and fancied a laugh with her mates?

Aren’t getting to know her friends part of getting to know her? I think it can often tell you even more about a person.

31RueCambon · 12/07/2019 23:32

I think she should run for the hills.

The process of getting to know somebody can include seeing them around their friends, knowing if they're willing to include you in social events organised with their friends. The Way To Get To Know Somebody is not one fixed way prescribed by you alone. In fact after five dates with somebody I'd feel a bit of socialising with others gave more of a bigger picture.

I don't think you sound healthy at all.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/07/2019 23:40

I think you need to chill out a bit...take it as a compliment that she wants you to spend time with her friends...and presuming you spent the night together, it's not big deal is it? It would be normal for a dating couple to meet friends? It's been two months, so eight weeks, and you've seen eachother six times...that's fairly normal I would have said! You can't make anybody just spend time with you...or indeed want to spend all their time with you, that's really unhealthy. I'd take a bit of a step back and let things develop...because currently you sound like you're going down the road of isolating. This is Mumsnet, we might all be overreacting, but take the advice you've been given!

ReanimatedSGB · 12/07/2019 23:50

OK so you have met her six times, and previously socialised with her friends. Did you meet her via online dating, or through a social group?
She might just be a friendly sort of person who likes to spend time with lots of people rather than one to one, or she might want to show you off to her friends (either because you are good-looking, fascinating, famous... or because she needs to demonstrate to them that she Has A Boyfriend.) Or she could just find it a bit awkward to be stuck with only you: is your idea of 'getting to know someone' asking lots of questions, or having intense discussions about feelings? That sort of thing would have me desperate to bring in other friends to dilute the situation.
You may simply not be a very good match for one another. Six dates over two months is not that big a deal: if you're not happy, move on.

saraclara · 12/07/2019 23:58

Aren’t getting to know her friends part of getting to know her? I think it can often tell you even more about a person

Absolutely. I'd be glad to meet the friends of someone I'd dated half a dozen times. It brings a new dimension and can be reassuring (or illuminating!)
Sorry OP, but you're being weird.

hadthesnip2 · 13/07/2019 00:19

You wanted sex......she was on her period. She found a way out of her embarrassment. End of story.

Well......its a good a reason as any of the others posted tonight.

CatAndHisKit · 13/07/2019 00:48

why would she be embarassed about that, hadthesnip?!

hadthesnip2 · 13/07/2019 00:55

I was being lighthearted. OP said that they had planned to spend the night together. As I said.....good a reason as any other. Yes I know its 2019 & women arent embarrassed about their periods anymore.....

Nothingmuch · 13/07/2019 05:40

Get a grip, you’ve already seen her 6 times, stop being so clingy.

I bet she was bored of your company and took advantage of the offer to liven up the date.

KatherineJaneway · 13/07/2019 06:04

YANBU. It would have annoyed me too after only 6 dates.

CSIblonde · 13/07/2019 07:12

It seems a good sign to me to meet friends 2months in. But as you're unhappy because you wanted alone time, it sounds like she's really social & you're not tbh. There's loads of time to be alone , what's the rush & why so peeved? If your idea of a relationship is mainly one on one time, maybe you're too different re socialising. Sounds like she's a social butterfly & she might resent you trying to lessen her social nature.

OKBobble · 13/07/2019 07:30

You say you had socialised a few times with the friend too but then say it was onky the 6th date. So if on the other 5 dates you had already socialised a few times why would the gf think anything was wrong in suggesting meeting up. You had already just sat in the pub having a few drinks so presumably for a couple of hours.

If you didn't want to meet up you could have just said Actually I am enjoying the one to one time can we do it another day?

OKBobble · 13/07/2019 07:31

So yes YABU to be annoyed

funnylittlefloozie · 13/07/2019 07:40

If you have only seen each other 6 times in 2 months (why?) then this is still just a casual relationship, really. Meeting peoples friends is a good way to get to know them better - people are often a reflection of their friends, so it can give you an idea if what they are "really" like, instead of their best-behaviour dating persona.

But at the end of the day, a relationship is all about communication. Could you not have used your words and said to her that you loved meeting her friends, but you want some time to just be with her as well?

Sumsuch · 13/07/2019 07:45

But part of her getting to know YOU is how you are with her friends, and your willingness to "be public".
Frankly if after 2 months someone was pissed off to hang out with my friends, I would see it as a giant red flag.

Original poster
yetrer · 13/07/2019 07:57

That was the second time just the two of us.
The rest of the time we've been in a group (we have mutual friends )
She is a very social person and is always the life and soul.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/07/2019 08:06

YABU

joystir59 · 13/07/2019 08:10

Two actual dates together in two months? This is not a relationship, you are right at the beginning and getting way too invested and intense. She may not be very interested in you.

FattyPedalsFuriously0hPipNo · 13/07/2019 08:15

YABU

If she is the life and soul of the party then maybe things had got a little quiet/boring for her. Maybe you aren't suited, I wouldn't want to sit down and be made to have a quiet time, when I could be having fun. Or maybe liven up when your're together?

Original poster
yetrer · 13/07/2019 08:16

She texts me all day every day.
She had only split with her GF in March /April time.

OP posts:
Original poster
yetrer · 13/07/2019 08:17

When we met her friend we literally just sat down and did the same.
We have socialised the three of us before tho.

OP posts:
Alloftit · 13/07/2019 08:22

Okay so from what you’ve written, being very honest, You sound a bit too intense about this, she doesn’t sound crazy into you and you don’t actually sound well suited to each other, sorry.

womensvoicesmatter · 13/07/2019 08:22

I don't think you sound well suited tbh. She's a social butterfly and you're not. It sounds like you already want to clip her wings.

Maybe time to cut your losses and move on?

IncrediblySadToo · 13/07/2019 08:26

Why didn’t you you didn’t fancy that?

If you’ve been hanging out with mutual friends I’d say this is only the second date & you haven’t been dating for two months. Maybe you’re both looking st this differently?

Original poster
yetrer · 13/07/2019 08:31

I'm really really not intense.
I just don't know if I'm coming or going with her.
I don't know if she just wants casual
If she sees this going anywhere or not
It's my first female "thing" and I don't know what I'm doing and what's even normal

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.