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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to lay of alcohol once I am 37 weeks pregnant in case....

39 replies

alicet · 29/07/2007 13:38

I am currently nearly 30 weeks pregnant with my second.

When pregnant with ds1 I asked dh not to drink more than the drink drive limit from when I was 37 weeks pregnant in case I needed him to drive me to hospital and he was over the limit. His argument was that it was very unlikely we would need to go in in a hurry for our first and that we would have time to call an ambulance / taxi. I argued that I wanted us to have the freedom to be able to drive in once I got uncomfortable and not to have to rely on others to get there. plus that I wanted him to be coherent to support me in labour.

Dh is not a big drinker at all but does enjoy having a few beers to unwind. I thought I wasn't being unreasonable as I have not been able to have more than the odd glass of wine for 9 months and this was for a few weeks only. But I was surprised that none of my friends have asked their dh's the same! In the end he went along with my wishes although it was a bit begrudgingly...

This time its not an issue as with a toddler we don't drink so much anyway and dh understands more now why I asked this last time having been through it once. But I was just wondering what the rest of you thought - is it unreasonable to expect this of your dh?

OP posts:
RGPargy · 29/07/2007 13:41

Nope, not at all.

YANBU!

JeremyVile · 29/07/2007 13:43

I wouldn't have given this any prior thought tbh.

If he had happened to have been over the limit when the time came, we'd have just got a taxi.

Maybe it didn't occur to me as neither of us are big or frequent drinkers anyway.

Are you sure that this isn't an underlying issue. Do you resent his drinking at other times?

JeremyVile · 29/07/2007 13:47

God i hate it when somone asks a perfectly reasonable question then some arse comes along and gives an unnecessary and preachy answer.

DOH!!

Sorry, of course YANBU, i just wondered if its an issue and maybe you are bringing up the hospital run as a way of making him choose/face up to drinking too much.

elesbells · 29/07/2007 13:48

giving yourself a flamming JV? thats a new one for mn

JeremyVile · 29/07/2007 13:51

I thank you..............

JeremyVile · 29/07/2007 13:52

btw, i always flamm myself on a Sunday.

mazzystar · 29/07/2007 13:59

regardless of drink driving limits you wouldn't much want the person who is supposed to be supporting you in labour to be either gished or in the process of getting a hangover.

yanbu.

but why not suggests he has a few nights out at around the 36 week mark?

elesbells · 29/07/2007 14:03

oops blardy m's

Original poster
alicet · 29/07/2007 16:07

JeremyVile - no dh's drinking is not an issue with me at all. Even before ds1 came along. And this isn't a big issue this time tbh. It was more that I was interested in what other people thought

OP posts:
thelady · 29/07/2007 16:49

Much the same idea here. Taxis v. reluctant to take women in labour (potential mess!) and really not wanting to have to wait hours for non-urgent ambulance!

indiasmum · 29/07/2007 16:52

my friend went into labour on xmas day. her dh and the friends they were with at the time were all completely plastered so she drove herself to hospital (it was the middle of the night so no cars around but still totally amd utterly bonkers and dangerous!).
no YANBU, i asked the same of my dh and he was fine about it mostly. and i went 2 weeks overdue each time!

BandofMuggles · 29/07/2007 16:54

I asked DH the same thing, and we only lived round the corner from the hospital. I walked in the end and it was day time,but I wouldn't particularly have wanted him stinking of booze as I was labouring.
Selfish?? Did I care?? If I'm going to carry for 9 mths and then push out a person from my nethers the least he could do is not drink for a couple of weeks.

paulaplumpbottom · 29/07/2007 16:55

You are absolutly right. Tell him if he doesn't your mom will have to start staying the night

Idreamofdaleks · 29/07/2007 16:56

YANBU in the eyes of women but you are in the eyes of men

MrsBadger · 29/07/2007 16:57

We haven't broached the issue apart from the odd 'haha, you'd better not go into labour tonight' type comment, but it's not as if he's going out and getting roaring drunk, more the odd beer at home with dinner.

I can't say I'm particularly bothered, esp as I know from experience that any kind of shock (when we came home and found we'd been burgled, his mum went into hospital suddenly etc) sobers DH up very quickly - not enough to drive, obviously, but certainly enough to ring taxis, find mat notes, fetch The Bag etc.

Aside from anything else DH is going to be working in London (ie 2hrs away) from 37wks so if I needed to get to the hospital in a hurry I'd have to do it without DH anyway.

Original poster
alicet · 29/07/2007 17:34

Good to hear I'm not being unreasonable - didn't actually think I was but was just surprised that none of my mates had said the same to their dh!

MrsBadger - fingers crossed you won't go into labour when your dh is away. I found him such a support last time it would have been my idea of a nightmare. But then I guess the world can't stop for 5 weeks (potentially) can it - at least if you know you can make backup plans....

OP posts:
FillydoraTonks · 29/07/2007 17:38

no, not if it bothers you

I can't remember when my do last did drink over the drink-drive limit but if it bothers you, he should abstain, because you are pg and he is not. So.

NAB3 · 29/07/2007 17:40

YANBU. My hubby pretty much stopped drinking for the whole of my 3 pregnancies since I wasn't drinking either. He would never have had a drink after 35 weeks.

MrsBadger · 29/07/2007 17:41

Oh, it's not that bad, alice - he'll be home every night and would jump in the car the minute I phoned during the day.
We're quite close to the hospital so the chances of me needing to leave the house before he makes it back are actually pretty slim.
There's only so much paternity leave he can give himself and I think I'd rather have him around once the baby's here than mooching round the house beforehand biting his nails and saying 'Are you sure they're only Braxton Hicks?'

Original poster
alicet · 29/07/2007 17:43

You're right there MrsBadger. I think tbf IU am a bit precious about stuff like this but have been spoilt by the fact my dh only works 5 mins away! Clearly he can't not work until you drop just in case! Good luck anyway and hope when your time comes he's there with you

OP posts:
mojotalking · 30/07/2007 09:20

YANBU.

DD1 was due to be born on Dec 27, 1999 but was still overdue when the Millennium arrived. We both spent Millennium Eve completely sober. DH had also had a sober Christmas Day.

Our situation was a little different as we were quite a way from the hospital and it was a time when taxis would have been a challenge, but I did appreciate DH's gesture of support. I think our menfolk should do anything they can do to make us feel better about the prospect of giving birth.

Good luck with the baby.

Mojo

nellieloula · 30/07/2007 11:30

Hello alice! YANBU at all - this is one of the few contributions our DH's can make to the pregnancy process and the thought of having a birth partner who was either hammered or recovering is not even worth thinking about! To be honest though, with my DS1 my Dh took full responsability for that last few weeks and that was actually a really good way to talk/deal with it; he was in charge of ensuring hospital bag was ready, he had contact numbers, knew where the maternity notes were, hospital route etc - I think feeling so useful and in control really helped him with that last bit (until we went into hospital and had the birth from hell, but that's another story!!!)

OrmIrian · 30/07/2007 11:38

I think it depends on how much he'd be likely to drink. Getting hammered isn't the same as having one or two beers.

I think he's be within his rights to be annoyed if you stipulated no alcohol - that sounds a bit controlling to me. That should be his decision. But I'd hope he'd not object to remaining sober enough to be in control without you needing to demand it. If that makes sense.

MaloryTheExciterTowers · 30/07/2007 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IdrisTheDragon · 30/07/2007 11:41

I have no idea how much DH drank when I was due with DS and DD. In the event, DS was born after I'd been in hopsital for a few days anyway and with DD I went into labour first thing in the morning, so the situation nenver arose.