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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect dh to lay of alcohol once I am 37 weeks pregnant in case....

39 replies

alicet · 29/07/2007 13:38

I am currently nearly 30 weeks pregnant with my second.

When pregnant with ds1 I asked dh not to drink more than the drink drive limit from when I was 37 weeks pregnant in case I needed him to drive me to hospital and he was over the limit. His argument was that it was very unlikely we would need to go in in a hurry for our first and that we would have time to call an ambulance / taxi. I argued that I wanted us to have the freedom to be able to drive in once I got uncomfortable and not to have to rely on others to get there. plus that I wanted him to be coherent to support me in labour.

Dh is not a big drinker at all but does enjoy having a few beers to unwind. I thought I wasn't being unreasonable as I have not been able to have more than the odd glass of wine for 9 months and this was for a few weeks only. But I was surprised that none of my friends have asked their dh's the same! In the end he went along with my wishes although it was a bit begrudgingly...

This time its not an issue as with a toddler we don't drink so much anyway and dh understands more now why I asked this last time having been through it once. But I was just wondering what the rest of you thought - is it unreasonable to expect this of your dh?

OP posts:

andiem · 30/07/2007 11:52

I had this conversation with my dh both times. It's not the getting to hospital that bothered me but the support during labour. He sort of cut down.....

I agree re ambulance malory dh being over the limit not a reason to use one

Original poster

alicet · 30/07/2007 18:52

hello nellie!

Think if you dial 999 an ambulance has to come and get you - which is why you get so many t*ssers in A&E (I am a doc). I was referring more to the labour ward calling one for you which they offered to do last time (didn't need it). plus taxi's near us won't take women in labour apparently!

Never said he couldn't have a drink - just wanted him to be able to drive me so I could stay at home as long as poss and not have to anticipate when I might need to go in. Plus more for support in labour....

Thanksfully never was a problem - after a bit of 'debate' about it he understood where I was coming from!

OP posts:

Jackstini · 30/07/2007 22:30

YANBU - not at all.
DH didn't drink from when I was 36 weeks and tbh he was fine with it.
If he had not been my point was going to be that if I can stay off it for 9 months - surely he can manage a few weeks ffs?!
Incidentally have you yet discussed the corker of one of you always needing to be capable (i.e. can't both get completely rat-arsed!) after baby is born?! That's always a fun one....

Tommy · 30/07/2007 22:35

YANBU.

My DH was prety good about this actually.

DS1 was due between Xmas and New Year and bless 'im, he didn't have more than one drink the whole time. I drank more than him most evenings as I'd got a bit fed up with it all by then.

Emprexia · 30/07/2007 22:49

YANBU at all.

My Dh stayed voluntarily sober after 35wks because DS was expected to arrive early, except for one night where he wanted to go to a concert and i stayed at my parents house just incase anything happened.

the funny thing was, my dad told me that my mom made him make sure he didn't have any appointments to go to (he works away a lot) for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy and made HIM stay sober as well incase they got a late night phonecall.

it was all not in vain, i went into labour at 3am so had to rouse both men to their cars when normally they'd still have been over the limit.

kittywits · 30/07/2007 23:08

I think you are being unreasonable. Poor man has to be able to unwind. You are putting too much pressure on him for sure.

persephonesnape · 31/07/2007 00:01

I had to drive myself to the hospital once my waters had broken with dc3. my ex was too pissed. we were remote ( 16 miles from hospital) and there was no taxi service.

i sat on a rather damp towel and put my foot down.

( i wasn't having contractions, but thats hardly the point..) so YANBU even slightly.

OrmIrian · 31/07/2007 09:35

Ha persephone! My mw told me about a lovely hippy lady who lived on Exmoor who wanted to give birth at home but got cold feet in the end and drove herself to Musgrove Park in Taunton after several large tokes that she was was using as 'natural' pain releif .

ejt1764 · 31/07/2007 09:44

alice - yanbu - dh agreed to cut down to being under the limit with ds - and will do the same this time. I find it odd tbh, that your mates don't seem to have thought of it tbh!

bozza · 31/07/2007 09:48

Where we live we always find it hard to get a taxi so we would never rely on it. I did ask DH to plan his work so that for the last two weeks he was not more than 2 hours drive away from home. He was 2 hours away on my due date with DS but I went into labour the next morning at 3 am. I had DD at home but again had the two hour request but went into labour in the early hours of Saturday morning. DH rarely drinks more than one beer at a time. The last time he was over the limit would have been the 14 July as the children were at their grandparents, we went out for a meal then sat in the garden with a bottle of wine. So it wouldn't be an issue with him.

macmama73 · 31/07/2007 10:04

YANBU, that is the least the menfolk should do since we do the rest of the work.

My DH doesn't drink a lot anyway, so the issue never came up with us. When I was pregnant with DS my waters broke during the final of the Euefa Cup. DH: Can we wait till after the match? Me: NO!

kittywits · 31/07/2007 10:08

I you can't expect life to go on hold though

growingbagpuss · 31/07/2007 10:09

YA(so)NBU !!

I asked my DH to do the same - given that I am having a home birth it is less of an issue, but prior to getting the "all clear" for the H/B...

He flatly refused. He said "why should I give up alcohol for the next 5 weeks jsut in case?"

I pointed out that I had only asked him to remain within the limit (as you had) - and taht I had had to stop working (which I really enjoy), stop wearing all my nice clothes, stop drinking, suffer sleepless nights, painful hips, etcccc for nearly 9 months.. surely this was not too much to ask.

We haven't discussed it since - but the night he does go out he has behaved a bit better... and when we went out the other night he drakn less than usual...so....

Emprexia · 01/08/2007 08:27

You can't really call asking your DH not to get drunk for a few weeks "Puting your life on hold" though.

If they can't survive without a beer for a few weeks then they need to ask themselves why.

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