To not want my SIL to be like this?

[jonesyyy]

Must mention my SIL is young in comparison to myself, she is 15 years old. I get on with her well despite the age difference, but she does things that really get on my nerves:

• Often disturbs my baby DS by picking him up when he's sleeping, despite me telling her to leave him be no matter how many times.

• Helps herself to food and drink at my house without asking beforehand.

• Brings her pyjamas when she comes over so that she can go to sleep (in our bed!). Again without asking.

• Asks for lifts 24/7 when we don't live anywhere near, knowing that we would have to go out of our way.

• Says she's going to the toilet, but when I go upstairs to see if she's okay when she's been up there a while I find her rooting through my make up using it without asking me first.

What can I do!? She doesn't listen to anybody and thinks she can do what she wants. It's driving me up the wall.

Family or not, she has no manners!

The bed thing is very weird, no way would I let her do that. I also would pull her up on the other things, you are going to have to find your 'stern' voice. Sod what anyone else in the family has to say about it. Has your husband not had a word with her? Or is he scared too!!!

One of the things, when you get married, is that you are bringing together, two disparate family cultures.

Some families - yep, help yourself, sleep in my bed, use my make-up, wake up my kid, oh gosh, I'm so happy you're so comfortable here!

Other families - very different norms - you ask or wait to be offered, you don't go sleep in someone's bed, you do not help yourself to their make up, and you seriously do not wake up their kid.

Perhaps they are two different families, that need to discuss and agree the boundaries. And then have them respected.

Or perhaps 15 year old is pushing the fences to see just how far she can take it before something (or someone) well and truly snaps.

But OP doesn't just have to put up with feeling her boundaries are being disrespected, and accept this, and 'be happy' that DH's sister feels so comfy in her home.

After all, it's not DH's make up that's being used by somebody else (ew). It's her bed as well as DH's that her teenaged SIL is sleeping in. (Again, ew). It's not DH that is having to deal with the slangry baby that has been woken up needlessly. . .

@QueenBeee I think that’s a bit of a reach regarding waking the baby. SIL probably has no idea about the precariousness of sleeping babies and routines, as well as the exhaustion that comes with parenting a baby. She likely just thinks “oh, my niece/nephew is so super duper cute and I just want to give them loves and play with them all the time”.

I agree with @Personita. It's annoying as hell but she's not your child, she's a sibling and is treating you and your OH as such. This is exactly how my sister and I would interact at that age. We were nice kids and polite to adults, but in your situation I don't think I would have seen my brother as a 'grown up' but as my brother iyswim

She sounds an obnoxious brat that everyone panders to. That's not to say that she won't mature into a fun SIL.

Often disturbs my baby DS by picking him up when he's sleeping, despite me telling her to leave him be no matter how many times

This is unfair for baby and OP.
And helps herself to her make up and clothes - brattish imv.

Bloody hell my dd's wouldn't dream of going in my bedroom never mind through my stuff!!
Suggest to mil you meet away from your home as you haven't got time to tidy up after sil has been and you don't want the baby disturbed. Cafe it is...

Well, I certainly never saw my BIL's as my brothers . . . and I had the wit to understand that my sister's home was also my BIL's, and if I might take the piss with my sister (hells no), I certainly never would have dreamed of it with my BIL.

And quite frankly, looking at my two, they don't seem terribly keen on sharing their make up, or treats that they keep in their room. . . so I'm thinking there's a bit of rosy tinted glasses possibly going on here. (And mine get on very well, but there's some things they don't share - and why should they? If nothing else - you ask. You don't take.)

I don’t find this at all typical teenage girl. None of my family would dream of going through my makeup, waking a sleeping baby or climbing into my bed! Beyond odd. I wouldn’t let her go upstairs, in fact I’d speak to her mother and tell her you’re not having your baby/rules/house disrespected in this way.

She's a typical 15 year old girl. Tell your husband to have a word... She probably won't listen.

She’s really, really not.

She's a typical 15 year old girl

No, she's not! I've never met anyone of any age whose behaved this badly in someone else's home.

I wouldn't even do this in my actual sister's house, let alone go through my SIL's stuff. But then, our parents brought us up properly, so we know how to behave. MIL (and FIL?) have quite clearly failed in that area and have created an entitled brat.