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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's perfectly fine to expect 15 year old and 13 year old DC to put their own washing away?

76 replies

BenWillbondsPants · 12/07/2019 14:50

I have just had a friend round and as we were chatting, I was sorting out some dry washing into piles. I had a pile for DS (15) and a pile for DD (13). I normally put them on their beds and expect them to put them away.

I made a casual 'wonder how many times I'll have to ask DS to put these away' jokey kind of comment and friend was horrified that I don't do this for him. He's 15. He's perfectly capable of putting his own pants in his drawer and putting the rest of his clothes in the wardrobe. Same with DD. She seems to think that I am a dreadfully lazy mother and made some comment about 'looking after' her DCs 'properly' in a 'I'm only joking but I'm not really' way.

So, dear reader, is it me?

OP posts:
TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 12/07/2019 15:17

DM used to do as you do but put the piles on the dining table. We couldn't sit down to eat until they were put away, so if someone had been lazy and not done theirs cue hungry sibling pressure to get it done before dinner!

LondonJax · 12/07/2019 15:23

God she'd have hated my mum. We were ironing our own clothes by the time we were 13! Mum had three kids and a full time job, dad worked shifts so it was all hands on deck.

Karmin · 12/07/2019 15:25

Nope your friend is unreasonable, does she always put her DC's piles away? By giving them piles you are teaching responsibility when they are younger and reminding them of a life skill as they are older, your DC probable prefer getting piles rather than having you go through their drawers to put the piles away!

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 12/07/2019 15:27

Not at all. My dds aged 7 and 9 put their clothes away, set the table, load the dish washer, make their beds among other jobs. Mil sent me a message about how wonderful it was that they'd made their beds and was astounded they do it every day... that is why her 30 year old son doesn't bloody do it!!!

Purplespup16 · 12/07/2019 15:31

She’d be horrified by me, then! I have a 16 and 12 year. The 16 has SEN to boot.

Not only do I expect them to put their own washing away, they have to gather a load of my choosing (ie whites/darks/towels) start the machine, help hang it out, bring it it and sort it! I don’t fold ANYTHING of theirs anymore. They both have a basket and their clothes are sorted into their baskets to be taken into their rooms to be folded/hung and put away.

They also have to help vacuum, dust, load/unload the dishwasher and help clean the bathroom! They get NO money for doing any of the above either. When the 12 year old strops that some of her friends don’t have to ect I remind her that if she ever wants to live on her own she has to do these things and no one will pay her then either! We all live in this house so we all have to contribute to the upkeep. 🤷‍♀️

2toe · 12/07/2019 15:37

Mine put their clothes in the wash and put it on if there’s a full load, if they are home when the washing is being sorted they get their own fold it and put it away, if they are out I do it and put it on their beds for them to sort out. I don’t clean their rooms at all, they are old enough and quite rightly they don’t want me coming in and moving things around, they are more than capable of stripping and remaking their beds. My children also take part in all household tasks, goodness knows what you friend would think of me!

joystir59 · 12/07/2019 15:37

It's perfectly fine to expect teenagers to put clean washing away but that doesn't mean it will happen.

joystir59 · 12/07/2019 15:39

Not at all. My dds aged 7 and 9 put their clothes away, set the table, load the dish washer, make their beds among other jobs
They aren't teenagers yet. Wink

joystir59 · 12/07/2019 15:41

I was folding up and putting away my own laundry before I could walk.

Pipandmum · 12/07/2019 15:42

I was shocked when a friend of mine said she still made her 16 year olds bed! She said ‘oh I like his room to look nice’. Now her son does like to organise his room and is not a messy boy, so I was doubly surprised. I don’t make my kids beds and if they don’t make them that’s up to them.
My son has a girlfriend so does keep his room reasonably otherwise it would be a complete tip. The only time I ever do anything is when they go away and I’ll make it nice for their return.
Their clothes are placed in clean piles - what they do with them afterwards is up to them!

stucknoue · 12/07/2019 15:43

Mine have done it from 12, they have done their own laundry from 16. We are parents not servants!

Singlebutmarried · 12/07/2019 15:48

8yo here does it herself.

The 45yo not so much 😂

Longdistance · 12/07/2019 15:48

My dds are 8 and 9. I fold their clothes and put them in a basket each to put their clothes away. They know where they’re kept, so they know exactly where to put them and even which items go on hangers.
They wash up, bring their laundry down, make their beds.
No helping, no money or treats.
My dB and I used to run the hoover around the house, launder and iron clothes, cook dinner and go shopping when we were teens. Both parents worked, that’s how it works.

Original poster
BenWillbondsPants · 12/07/2019 15:50

At that age they should be washing and drying it too ....*

I don't mind doing that, I'm doing DH's and mine anyway because I'm not at work for a few months so as long as they're putting in the wash bin, it gets done anyway. I just don't think that I need to be putting it away for them..

OP posts:
gabsdot45 · 12/07/2019 15:51

My 11 and 15 year old have been doing their own laundry for several years now.

I make them iron too.

ShagMeRiggins · 12/07/2019 15:52

For those whose children do their own washing, how does that work on a practical way and doesn’t it contribute to doing more loads than necessary?

Three teenagers here, and they do plenty of chores including helping with laundry (hanging on the line, folding, etc), but I can’t figure out how to have them do all their own laundry without creating a logistical and ecological nightmare.

RosesAndRaindrops · 12/07/2019 15:58

100% unanimous vote on here! Got to be a first lol.
Here's another YANBU - your friend is being ridiculous, ignore her.

BarbariansMum · 12/07/2019 15:58

Mine are 11 and 13. Quite often I ask them to do the laundry (washing, hanging out, bringing in, putting away). Am teaching them to iron shirts this summer.

Despite putting out cups of milk for years we've never managed to attract a Brownie so they need to pitch in.

Teacakeandalatte · 12/07/2019 16:10

Its nice of you to fold them into piles. I just toss them in a heap as they tend to end up on the floordrobe anyway.

Love the new auto link feature its turned out just as entertaining as auto correct.

Teacakeandalatte · 12/07/2019 16:16
trixymalixy · 12/07/2019 16:22

My two are 9 and 12 and they put their own washing away.

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/07/2019 16:22

My 5 and 6 year olds put their own washing away. They have stickers on their drawers so they know what goes where. Obviously I sort and fold it all before giving it to them. They enjoy it!

RedSkyLastNight · 12/07/2019 16:22

I put my DC's clothes at the bottom of the stairs so everyone falls over them until they take them up. They then put then away, I say away, I mean they dump them in a pile on their bedroom floor. Their clothes.

Sunshineinwinter · 12/07/2019 16:29

All my DC put their own washing away. Have done from about 2ish??
Youngest is 4 and does it no problems correct drawers etc.
I have 4 children in the house no way would I put all the washing away!! It's bad enough washing the bloody piles!

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 12/07/2019 16:34

I teaching my 3 year old to sort and fold her own washing. She must think I’m abusive.