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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask what is happening at this school?

77 replies

exhaustedmummyof3 · 12/07/2019 11:16

School traditionally awards a prize for the child who scores the highest mark in exams. Child A scored highest mark but child B was awarded prize because their score was close to child A's score and child B is a new child at the school.
Child A won all the races on sports day. Yet had to share the winners trophy with Child C because yet again the score was close.
Just wanted some thoughts on what is going on here?

OP posts:

Lllot5 · 12/07/2019 12:43

It wasn’t a behaviour trophy though was it if they won the race they get the trophy.

00100001 · 12/07/2019 12:43

IT's bit stupid to say the "sores were close"

The fastest 100m sprinter gets gold, and the other person is a fraction of a second behind... they get silver. they don't have to "share" gold.

Maybe they just changed the way the prize is awarded, and they now have the top children who scored within 5 marks of each other - so shared between (90, 88 and 87)

00100001 · 12/07/2019 12:46

"Maybe child A is a little shit and the school feel the s/he need to not be rewarded?"

even though thte prize is for the person who scores the highest marks?

why would you associate reward of actual achievement with behavioural issues? You can't punish a kid in everything because of one aspect... you might not want to give the naughty kid the "best behaved" or whatever, but, if they have 100% attendance, they still should get the 100% attendance award, because what has their behaviour got to with actual fact based awards?

barryfromclareisfit · 12/07/2019 12:46

OP, it’s a school so everything is political, based on lies and grossly unfair. If there’s a beautiful, intelligent child who deserves all the prizes, they’ll make sure someone else gets them. That’s their warped socialist thinking at work. It’s been going on for generations. Understand that and disregard their opinions. Give your own rewards. Homeschooling might be a way forward.

justasking111 · 12/07/2019 12:47

My DS was top in physics so we kind of expected the physics trophy, nope it went to someone who had tried harder than him he said. I guess that is the way it works now.

justasking111 · 12/07/2019 12:49

Years ago the students had a vote for Head Boy my DS got most of the votes, the Head Boy that year was someone whose father paid for a building for the school. Them`s the breaks.``

LillithsFamiliar · 12/07/2019 12:52

That seems unfair. I know our school has a horribly complicated formula for deciding the sports prize which means DCs can win everything at sports day but not win the sports prize because it's calculated over different events across the year. As for academic prizes, if two pupils are close, they'll sometimes opt for the one who hasn't won before.
Email school and ask for an explanation. I doubt they would put in writing 'oh it was close so we just decided to change it up this year'. It's the only way to really find out what's going on.

bridgetreilly · 12/07/2019 12:53

The school does not understand the nature of competition. Winning is winning. Every child knows who came top/first. Giving someone else the trophy simply teaches children that life is unfair and adults can't be trusted. It's crap.

Fine to decide to give e.g. 2nd/3rd place smaller trophies, if you want to encourage others, but pretending someone else deserves to win is ridiculous.

bridgetreilly · 12/07/2019 12:55

DCs can win everything at sports day but not win the sports prize because it's calculated over different events across the year.

I think that's reasonable, though. Not all sports are tested on sports day. Someone who is amazing at football, for instance, should have a chance at getting the sports prize because of that.

Jaxhog · 12/07/2019 12:56

This is wrong. Either they award the person who comes first etc. or they don't. If they incorporate things like behaviour etc. then they should say so. To change the rules and deprive Child A TWICE, is outrageous. This sends entirely the wrong message not just to Child A, but to all the other children too.

IrmaFayLear · 12/07/2019 12:58

Obviously not enough information here to judge, but I do agree that some teachers want to cut down tall poppies.

At least this school has races. When the dcs were at primary school sports day consisted of a very odd system of "participating in modules" with the parents corralled in a roped-off area observing the children doing activities. No winners or losers, of course. It was mystifying. Lucky for my dcs who are a pair of klutzes but not fair on the kids whose forte was sport.

SummerInTheVillage · 12/07/2019 13:09

My DH was child A 40+ years ago.

It still rankles.

SweetPetrichor · 12/07/2019 13:12

There's probably a whole lot more behind the scenes that goes into the decisions. I'd hazard a bet and say that the teacher felt child be deserved a little recognition even if they fell a little short. Ultimately, does it matter...it's surely no big deal to share it with someone else. I remember being the one who would have been the 'house captain' back in p7, but the teacher gave it to another pupil because she was less academic than myself and deserved something special for her. I only know this is the reason I didn't get to do it because my mum was a teacher at the school and good friends with my p7 teacher so she explained why I had got passed over and why it was nice to let the other pupil get it instead. I was sad, but ultimately it was more special for the other pupil than it was for me so I don't begrudge it long term.

VenusOfWillendorf · 12/07/2019 13:16

YANBU. That's rubbish. If they want to award the prizes in a different way, that's fine, but they should say that before the exams/sports day and not when it's over. Very unfair on Child A.
School should follow through on what they say they will, not change the goal-posts after the fact.
More 'Effort' awards are all fine and good, but there's something wrong if they are given at the expense of achievement.

AnnaMagnani · 12/07/2019 13:17

I was Child A 35 years ago.

I was not a little shit as some of you so kindly have suggested, nor did I win everything. And I did not get over it.

It was my first taste of things being set up so Child B - coincidentally the headmaster's daughter and a 'more attractive child' - could win.

Everyone in the whole school knew it, including the teachers.

I was congratulated on how well I shared.

Well, fuck that, I'm not over it. It wasn't right then, and it wasn't right now.

newbiegreenfingers · 12/07/2019 13:18

Schools get complaints when new children get important prizes. It's not fair on Child A but I imagine they are covering themselves in that way.

CornishMaid1 · 12/07/2019 13:20

At secondary we had awards, but they did two sets - one for excellence (so the best in the subject) and one for achievement (someone who put in a lot of effort, most improved etc), so that the awards did not all go to the same people each year and everyone had a chance to be recognised.

FurrySlipperBoots · 12/07/2019 13:25

I'm still annoyed that they let the new girl compete in the district sports when we were in year 4 - she only came second in the heats (I came first!) but she was new so somehow that gave her priority?

Readytogogogo · 12/07/2019 13:30

Unless there's other info we're missing, YANBU. The highest scorer should win.

TheresaMay · 12/07/2019 14:04

At dds school the new girl got the best part in the school play whilst a lot of others were given very little. Including my dd (which I’m fine with). What pissed me off is when dd asked a question she was told to “work it out” - basically because they didn’t have time to work with her.

The class teacher according to my dd said that if the new girl didn’t audition there was no point doing the play, which makes me wonder if they chose it for her.

Teachers like everyone else are not immune to bias and can sometimes get so fixated that they forget the wider impact on others.

ilovemilton · 12/07/2019 14:09

Obviously I'm not related to this story but in effect, I have a child A. She makes no effort and consistently scores 98% - 100% in everything she does. She receives no praise from school as she puts in very little effort.

And to be honest, I change my mind daily over whether this is right or wrong and what messages it must send her.

Catinthetwat · 12/07/2019 14:29

Trophies and awards don't really make sense anyway.

Imagine if child a runs a race and wins, but with little effort. They get the trophy.

Child b has trained hard and improved loads. Runs an absolute pb, but comes in second. No trophy.

What are you rewarding. Luck? Being tall?

harveywallplanner · 12/07/2019 14:53

What relation are you to child a and why are you so upset about it if it isn’t your child?
It’s not right but it’s unusual to be so upset about it.
All it does is show child a why bother because someone else will be

Awarded . Not very motivational

LillithsFamiliar · 12/07/2019 19:23

bridget yy our sports system isn't unfair but it has every single year taken some parents by surprise and then they complain.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 12/07/2019 19:32

Maybe I'm utterly self absorbed, but unless Child A was mine, I can't imagine caring.
If this did happen to my child, I'd probably be pissed off. But I would tell them it's a horrible lesson in how life is not always fair. And I would hope to teach them the resilience to get over the disappointment, and not carry it with them into adulthood.
Sometimes life isn't fair. But You have to dust yourself off and get on with it.

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