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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask what is happening at this school?

77 replies

exhaustedmummyof3 · 12/07/2019 11:16

School traditionally awards a prize for the child who scores the highest mark in exams. Child A scored highest mark but child B was awarded prize because their score was close to child A's score and child B is a new child at the school.
Child A won all the races on sports day. Yet had to share the winners trophy with Child C because yet again the score was close.
Just wanted some thoughts on what is going on here?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 12/07/2019 12:06

Child A has got big fish in a little pond syndrome and they're showing them that others in the big wide world can also perform ?

S1naidSucks · 12/07/2019 12:08

I’m wondering if the two other children are connected to someone in the school, as they are definitely being shown favouritism.

Amibeingdaft81 · 12/07/2019 12:08

Primary or secondary?

How does child A know they are the top scorer if they’re not getting the prize?

S1naidSucks · 12/07/2019 12:09

Child A has got big fish in a little pond syndrome and they're showing them that others in the big wide world can also perform ?

That makes no sense, as the child still won, so the others aren’t performing to the same standard.

RedHelenB · 12/07/2019 12:09

Child A shouldn't be disappointed to share a trophy.

pollypenguin01 · 12/07/2019 12:09

It sounds shit but I honestly think there must be some reason or back story as to why Confused

All you can do is get a few parents together and ask what’s going on, why is it ok this year, what they’re going to do about a very disappointed child who rightly believed they should receive the medal and how are they looking to fix this mess?

NotAgainKen · 12/07/2019 12:10

Is Child A Prince George?

MatildaTheCat · 12/07/2019 12:10

Perhaps child A has been in major trouble for bullying or similar and the school don’t want to reward them despite performing well in exams and sport?

Lllot5 · 12/07/2019 12:10

I think this is shit. The winner gets the trophy regardless of how many times or how often they win.

S1naidSucks · 12/07/2019 12:12

Child A shouldn't be disappointed to share a trophy.

Why shouldn’t she/he be disappointed? They won something, where the winner gets a winner’s trophy, but were expected to share it with a child who lost to them.

CielBleuEtNuages · 12/07/2019 12:12

Why shouldn't a child be disappointed to share a trophy that they actually won? (as in, came first for).

I can still remember my bitter disappointment at being 2nd in a race when the girl who was first was given the exact same time as me (to the 100th of a second!). And the fact that it happened twice in one evening was even harder to swallow especially as she should have been disqualified in one race

Children are naturally competitive, as are a lot of grown ups. Trying your best and winning then not being given the trophy would be incredibly hard to swallow for a mature adult, let alone a child.

UpToonGirl · 12/07/2019 12:12

I take it your child is child A? tbh I think if they actually win the race/score the highest they should be recognised for that. If the school wants to offer out second and third prizes that's great.

They could also do what I've seen happen a few times which is to create competitions so other children can get some recognition for their hard-work.

Liverbird77 · 12/07/2019 12:16

If Child A did the best, they should win the prizes. This should be the case even if it is every year. If it bothers the school so much, they could introduce other prizes for other things.
I would be furious if I was Child A's mum, and I speak as a parent and as a teacher.

BykerBykerOoh · 12/07/2019 12:19

I’d guess there are things you maybe don’t know about children B&C that made the school feel the urge to recognise their achievements.

Lifeover · 12/07/2019 12:22

Is there an issue whereby the parents have asked that Child A shares the award, maybe their own perspective or beliefs do not like the child to win anything outright

Witchend · 12/07/2019 12:22

I'm assuming you're child A's parent.

I think it depends. "Traditionally" what actually does that mean? Probably? Usually? It's not a rule, and the school probably doesn't have that rule. It's the parents that assume. It's probably that most of the time they tend to give it to the top scorer unless someone else stands out with effort and potential.

We had a few of those at primary, but they also had the rule that no one got more than one main prize, and sometimes they felt someone deserved it more than the traditional winner.
By traditional winner, I was down for 3 prizes. I got a 4th. I remember dm being a bit indignant for me. However I was more chuffed to get the unexpected one (was citizenship-for being "consistently helpful") than I would have been to get the other 3.

Our academic cup more often than not went to the top in the end of year tests. However I can remember it going one year to a boy who had arrived in the juniors not able to read and with no idea what a number even was. In the year 6 tests he came 10th. The school said that he'd put such effort in to prove that he was able to do these things. Half his year cried with him when he got it.
I also remember the music cup going to someone who didn't expect it in my year. He'd never won anything through school, was bottom of the class, non-sporty, not even very popular. He'd sung a solo (very nicely) with the choir. No one would have given his name as a possible. But he got it, and judging by his face he was over the moon. I remember feeling as a year 6 how nice it was for him to get it even though I wasn't friendly with him.

The sports' day thing is odd. But I'm wondering if they won all the races whether there's a bit more to it than that. I've never seen a situation where one child wins all-they usually have ones they're 2nd or 3rd. If that's been the case every year, I wonder if the staff saw the rest of the year getting dispirited and thought they'd award it to the second too so there does feel to be an element of competition and worth trying.

exhaustedmummyof3 · 12/07/2019 12:25

Personally my child has never won anything. I am all for schools offering different awards which would enable other children to be recognised for their achievements.
That being said, there are certain children in the school who win awards yearly. This is an unprecedented scenario. I feel upset on behalf of the child. To be denied their academic award and having to share a sporting trophy because their competitor was close.

OP posts:
Feelingwalkedover · 12/07/2019 12:27

Nah that’s wrong.who ever wins should get the throphy

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/07/2019 12:29

School is rubbish for even offering these awards and even worse for not awarding the correct child. If they wish to recognise the close second they should give a special headteachers award or similar.

MsPeachh · 12/07/2019 12:32

In regards to Child B, perhaps the school wanted to acknowledge their achievement amongst the upheaval and disruption of changing school during exams. Possibly also to help make Child B feel welcomed at the school. For Child C, nae idea.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 12/07/2019 12:32

I think that stinks

Swoopinggulls · 12/07/2019 12:34

Something similar happened to me at primary school, on the academic side, certainly not for sport!
I'm old now and still remember the injustice.
They should have a prize for the runner-up, not make the best one share.

herculepoirot2 · 12/07/2019 12:36

If this isn’t even your child, you’re seriously giving it too much thought.

trinity0097 · 12/07/2019 12:38

Do you know the exam marks of every child? Do you know how the school weight it? Which exams are taken into account, just the summer ones or all of them?

I award these types of things at school and only look at core subject exam marks, not others. We’ve also try very hard to not award it to the same person year on year, as otherwise the rest of the class feel it’s not worth bothering!

sillysmiles · 12/07/2019 12:41

Maybe child A is a little shit and the school feel the s/he need to not be rewarded?