DH staying out no message

[Magnificentbeast]

DH came home at 6am this morning (Friday). He was at a work conference and then drinks/dinner last night. I woke at 1am and messaged him to see where he was. Went back to bed. He replied to say it was going to be a late one. No shit!--

When I woke up for work at 5.30am he still wasn't home. He had messaged at 4am to say his personal phone battery had died and was using his work mobile. He was at the mainline station. No trains.

He came home after midnight the night before. Not sure but very late.

He regularly comes home during the week after midnight. It's easily done if you leave at closing time the gaps between trains are longer.

6 am, however, is a different entirely. Selfish & disrespectful. AIBU that this is not great behaviour for an adult in their 40s with a wife and 2 young DC?

It happened before and I couldn't get through to him on either mobiles . I thought he had had an accident or worse. I was distraught.

He brought me up a cup of tea when he got home this morning and said "sorry". He then crawled into bed and started snoring.

I woke him to tell him that he was in charge of getting DC to where they needed to be (different places) and I went to work.

He then messaged me to ask why I had left youngest DC for him to drop off when I normally do it. I didn't reply to that.

I've had quite a tricky two days "off" with the pre-schooler whilst DH has been working, yes, but also being taken to restaurants and for drinks. Maybe I'm being a tad resentful at being left at home holding the fort. Once he's out he just doesn't know when to go home.

I woke him to tell him that he was in charge of getting DC to where they needed to be (different places) and I went to work.

He then messaged me to ask why I had left youngest DC for him to drop off when I normally do it. I didn't reply to that.

So you punished him then, childish.

He's totally abdicating responsibility for family life. Why can't the OP?

Honestly, I would be p'd off too if I hadn't heard anything until 4. Where had he been til then?? He obviously knows it was wrong if he apologised and brought you a tea up.

Must agree with PP though, wouldn't have left kids with him when he's probably over the limit to drive and shattered.

He doesn't drive. There was absolutely no danger of him driving anywhere.

I was childish to take myself off to work.

@Myheartbelongsto they are his children too.

I've done this a few times. Don't really see the issue.

yes they are, but you did what you did out of spite and that will resolve nothing.

YANBU. I'd be livid - he just assumed you'll carry on at home while he goes out and stays out without a care in the world. DH and I have never stayed out all night except as pre-arranged at a freinds house. He should be very apologetic and do not let him deflect blame back to you for leaving both kids with him.

As you wouldn't have done that if he'd not stayed out all night!

I don't know if its' that petty if he is home at midnight all the time. That means the OP does everything family related, so the added he just doesn't think he has to be there at all might easily tip someone over the edge.

The answer to why she didn't drop the youngest one as usual is 'oh I thought we'd swap for a while so I'm not the default parent, it's really getting me down. So I'm taking a turn at passing on child care and child related rushing around if I feel like it, and default parent picks it up'.
I don't want to jump to conclusions though, i wouldn't respond with that unless it was a pretty fair summing up of the general situation.

Yanbu is he doing drugs? How is he able to stay up that late so often? À

My DH used to be like this because he couldn’t leave, used to stay for one more drink, one more person to meet, one more, one more.
With him it was a drink problem really, not wanting the party to end. Then he was tired and grumpy at the weekends. Miserable.

I reckon fair enough leaving him with the kids. Consequences and all that. Does he have work? In which case he must be one poor specimen today. Sorry but like you this would boil my blood.

He does have work @Wallywobbles.

He's not on drugs @F2Feee. I don't know how he functions at work after a late night tbh.

Does he not have work today? I'd be far from impressed if my husband did this. You sure there's no drugs? The only way I'd be making anyone a cup of at 6am after a bender, is if I'd been snorting my bodyweight.

WOW, there literally are one or two a week of these threads now.

I think mumsnet should start a special page for women whose partners/husbands have gone out at night, and not returned at the time expected...

Hate to say it but could he be having an
affair?

I wondered how long it would be before someone piped up with this!

One late night does not mean he’s having an affair!

My DH doesn’t drink and a couple of times a year I might go out and stay out until 6am. Usually go back to a friends for a house party after the pub, and surprise...... I manage to keep my knickers on!

Once in a while is different, but you say he stays out beyond midnight on a regular basis. With 2 small kids at home, that's just taking the piss.

Time for a serious chat about what being a parent means...

And I don't blame you for leaving him with the kids.

Disgusting selfish behaviour for a father of two little ones and shows no respect for you.

DH came home at 6am this morning (Friday). He was at a work conference and then drinks/dinner last night

Work related - necessary? bids? networking? Clients? Or just a piss up with the boys?

I would be very suspicious about the nature of this "entertainment"

I suspect he is a burglar. These are his working hours.

@MyOpinionIsValid there were 2 days of work conferences with dinner and drinks afterwards each night.

 @Al2O3

how senior is he in his job? does he earn a three figure salary?

whilst coming home at 6am is pretty bad, and not texting till 4:15 is even worse IMO, certain jobs and roles require one to entertain and be entertained. If you're a leader or a sales or account mgr then this behaviour is (rightly or wrongly) all part of the job.

Him not driving is intriguing though.. banned? :-)

I'm pretty chilled and the bars near me open till 5 but 6am on a week night is taking the piss. He's not a single student he's a parent. I'm sure others with kids left at a normal hour last night.

So he went to work today did he?