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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Noisy colleague

27 replies

Kinsters · 12/07/2019 09:17

I know I'm being unreasonable but omg it's so annoying!

This guy who sits behind me, he's just so unnecessarily noisy! Always clearing his throat (reasonable), bashing at his keyboard (not reasonable) and, my pet hate, smacking stacks of paper with his stapler before he staples them. Please, please just gently shake the paper together like literally everyone else on the planet does. There's no need to whack it against the desk and then rap on the top of it with your stapler. Christ. Why does he have so many documents to staple anyway?!

His breath smells as well.

Ok, rant over.

OP posts:
WhiteDust · 12/07/2019 09:20

Grin HIOVU.

(He is obviously very unreasonable)

familycourtq · 12/07/2019 09:23

YANBU May I nominate all the numerous former colleagues who have swallowed a fucking loud hailer obviating any need for the phone they are permanently on?

newmomof1 · 12/07/2019 09:24

I would also like to contribute the men (not sexist, just factual) who have to shout 'achoo' when they sneeze? Like you're clearly doing that on purpose, shut up!

chatwoo · 12/07/2019 09:25

I find a 'what did your keyboard to do offend you Nigel?' or similar passive aggressive comment quite therapeutic.

ShinyMe · 12/07/2019 09:32

I sat next to one of these men for a year, and let me tell you, he's lucky to be alive and unshouted at. He left, which is all that saved him. He was a tea slurper (along with lip smacking sighs after every slurp) and a constant noisy eater, and read his emails out loud to himself as he typed.

Nautiloid · 12/07/2019 09:34

I think I'm a bit loud at work. I try really hard but I can't type fast AND quietly...

bringthethunder · 12/07/2019 09:37

Ugh I sit next to one of these. Repetitive noises are my absolute pet hate, I have no patience for them at all. This guy sneezes like a bomb is going off and I highly doubt he even covers his mouth most of the time, he breathes like a feckin St Bernard, constantly sniffing and grunting (blow your f*kin nose!), guzzles fizzy pop from a 2ltr bottle at his desk so not only so I need to hear it literally pour down his throat but the bottle makes that annoying crunching sound. I could actually fill pages and pages just ranting about this guys noises... Oh and he WHISTLES! I have no tolerance for it. I just loudly say "Who is whistling?!" I really don't let him away with the whistling or finger drumming but everything else I try to shut my mouth about.

People have actually complained to management about him so at least I know it isn't just me. It's massively irritating and distracting when you need to sit next to such a person for 8 hours a day.

Original poster
Kinsters · 12/07/2019 09:39

I think he must read Mumsnet as the last few things he's stapled he hasn't beaten the paper into submission prior to stapling!

I'm only holding onto my sanity (and he's only holding onto his head) as I'm leaving in 7 weeks 2 and a half days...

Shiny there's a guy like that in my place too! He even sighs in satisfaction after a drink of water! Fortunately he now sits far away from me. Argh other people...I want my own office 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Kinsters · 12/07/2019 09:40

Yes bringthethunder it's those kind of repetitive noises which get my goat as well. Headphones just don't block them out (plus I do actually need to be able to hear if my phone rings haha)

OP posts:
MrFlibblesEyes · 12/07/2019 09:43

We've got one who constantly hocks up phlegm as he walks around the building but never seems to spit it out. Where does it go?!?! And how can someone be so phlegmy for so long without treatment .....

thetemptationofchocolate · 12/07/2019 09:48

Annoying Person: Sniff
AP: Sniff
AP: Sniff
AP: Sniff
Me: Do you need a tissue?
AP: No I'm alright. Sniff
Me: Thinking murderous thoughts...

Cherrysoup · 12/07/2019 09:52

We have the massive slurping, lip smacking, big 'aaaah' after every sip of tea, another who eats so noisily I can't be near him at meal times and the same guy, yes to the loudhailer comment! I think someone must have told him there is an indoor and outdoor voice, he's a lot quieter recently, thank god! It's unfortunate that he thinks he's an expert on every subject in the world (bar mine, it's a bit niche). One of his absolute class comments to me was 'Dogs can't look up'. I asked him how he thought mine could leap up to catch a ball mid-air, then, if they couldn't look up to see where it was. His answer? 'Oh well, someone told me that'. And you believed them? He has his own dog!

I'm ecstatic to say he's leaving next week.

Original poster
Kinsters · 12/07/2019 10:19

Oh yes, the other thing this guy does - extremely self indulgent yawning! So loud.

OP posts:
Username9641 · 12/07/2019 10:40

I have one woman in my office who practically shouts down the phone and the other who says aloud what she is thinking and reads out her emails as she types them....

AdoreTheBeach · 12/07/2019 10:45

Newmomof1 I wonder if you work with my husband? For years we have been yelling him not to do this, so annoying. We have all started shouting back to him GOD BLESS YOU!

LakieLady · 12/07/2019 10:49

the other who says aloud what she is thinking and reads out her emails as she types them....

We used to have one of these! Fucking drove me insane.

I'm an old fart who did audio-typing for a while, back in the dark ages when that was a thing. I sometimes found myself typing what she was saying, rather than what I actually wanted to type. And my foot used to seek out the non-existent control pedal to stop the non-existent machine.

StCharlotte · 12/07/2019 11:00

LakieLady

Believe it or not, audio typing is still a thing and I expect to receive some digital dictation around 5.20 this afternoon (because that's how he rolls).

alittlequinnie · 12/07/2019 11:06

Oh Dear - I heard some colleagues who sit behind me complaining about how loud I type but like the previous poster I can't type fast and quiet!

I am also pretty loud on the phone - loads of my clients are deaf old ladies but I don't do the sniffing, whistling slurping thing ....

... and I NEVER eat fish in the office - I'm looking at you Mr Fishy two desks away.... :(

PepsiLola · 12/07/2019 11:13

We have a few office loud mouths...

One who answers the phone by standing up and speaking so bloody loud. She has to let everyone know what she's doing and HOW important it is.... it isn't.

Then we have the non fucking stop talker, I don't care what you ate for tea last night or what your kids are doing at the weekend! Fair enough if it was interest conversation and no "ooh I can't wait for beans and fish fingers for tea"

YANBU, they deserve to work in a room together fighting for who can be the loudest

MrsMoastyToasty · 12/07/2019 11:13

I had a manager who would tell you all about her personal dramas without need for prompting (I learned never to ask if she'd had a good weekend). I sat opposite her, so when the next person approved her desk she would tell them , and the next, and the next, and the next.... until all 30 of us knew.

TixieLix · 12/07/2019 11:23

@MrFlibblesEyes
We've got one who constantly hocks up phlegm as he walks around the building but never seems to spit it out

Are you sure he his hocking up phlegm? My husband started doing something similar and he kept saying he was getting food stuck in his throat and having trouble swallowing. I'm typing this from his room in hospital as he undergoes his first chemo session for Non-Hodkins Lymphoma. The tumour is on the base of his tongue and was getting in the way when he swallowed.

Myheartbelongsto · 12/07/2019 11:29

@tixielix

all the very best to you and your husband x

ilovesooty · 12/07/2019 11:45

I think I must be the only person on mumsnet who loved working in open plan offices - the livelier the better. I worked in a couple of very quiet ones which I found depressing. My favourite one was the criminal justice one I spent eight years in - terrific buzz every day.

Balula · 12/07/2019 11:58

My teenage son is someone who produced multiple annoying noises... the kid cannot sneeze once, it's 9 or 10 loud obnoxious sneezes in a row. Angry

Then slurping and lip smacking when drinking tea, the humming, fart noises from his mouth, clicking and clapping as he's thinking.

I often long for temporary deafness.

recklessruby · 12/07/2019 14:19

I wish you could shut your ears like you can shut your eyes!
We have a whistler. Up the stairs whistling. Down the stairs whistling. To the loo whistling.
And a lady who has the clompiest shoes in the world...bang bang bang up and down the 60 year old wooden stairs multiple times a day.
Also bellows at the kids in her lesson.
Bellows at parents on the phone
Nothing is "confidential " with her.
Just one more week to go!!

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