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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Support worker making rude comments AIBU to be offended?

51 replies

mamaandthegirls · 11/07/2019 21:50

Basically I have been assigned a support worker recently due to MH problems / bpd / PND. I have 2 DD’s and currently struggling with very low mood / suicidal thoughts etc so have my support worker come once a week to see what support she can offer us as a family. We have only met her 3 or 4 times so far, and today she came over to visit.
Basically my DD1 has been offered some sessions for nursery during summer hols to help my mood. Today she told me she’s busy so hasn’t managed to sort out funding for summer hols club and told me it can take up to 6 weeks for funding to process. Nursery have told her that she needs to do it ASAP as spaces are limited during the summer, she began ranting and raving saying that the nursery DD1 goes to is disorganised in sorting things out (feel like she’s the disorganised oneHmm).
Then when I asked if the funding would be ready in time for summer she said “probably not, so you’re just going to have to cope on your own for a few weeks while I sort it.” As already stated, my mood is low so struggling to cope with daily life and the children. Just found that a bit upsetting the way she phrased it, but maybe I’m bring too sensitive.

Lastly, we were chatting about makes my confidence low, she said that weight was something she finds makes her confidence low and said “you are over weight so have you thought about maybe doing something to boost your confidence?” Obviously I found that incredibly hurtful and made me feel worse. I just don’t know if I should get someone else or just suck it up and deal with it.

OP posts:
SlipperyWhenWatery · 11/07/2019 21:54

Oh wow. Inappropriate much? I'd complain to the company you're receiving support from, and ask for someone more tactful and with the right social skills for the job.

Cherrysoup · 11/07/2019 21:57

Speak to her manager and ask for someone different. She sounds useless and rude, not to mention stupidly offensive.

stassy123 · 11/07/2019 21:59

What kind of agency is she supporting you through? Is she from health visiting or the NHS?

Is she from social care or some kind of charity?

WifOfBif · 11/07/2019 21:59

I’m a support worker and my mouth is hanging open reading your post.

Request someone else, we’re supposed to be here to make your life easier not harder.

mamaandthegirls · 11/07/2019 22:00

@stassy123 she is from something called early help hub, apparently they’re step down from SS as SS wasn’t the appropriate help I needed.

OP posts:
KeepFuckingOff · 11/07/2019 22:09

Fucking hell. Does her name begin with C? She sounds like someone I work with and complain about regularly.

WhoWants2Know · 11/07/2019 22:14

Yeah, she needs some more training in how to be a support worker. They aren't all like that.

Lana1234 · 11/07/2019 22:20

Hugely inappropriate thing to say regarding your weight, I’d absolutely complain. I am in a very similar situation to you btw and have a early help worker coming to see me for PND/mental health issues and she’s been great but unfortunately she can’t get funding for any nursery for me either (I’m a single mum with zero help so it’s a struggle trying to get better) so they do seem to be struggling with funding for nursery places unfortunately however the way your help worker worded it was very insensitive

Rosiesandposies1 · 11/07/2019 22:30

Please please please complain. I’ve spent years training support workers etc, and I can assure that is most definitely how she will have not been trained.

WonderWorm · 11/07/2019 22:40

Change support workers.
Not much use if they exacerbate your pnd/mental health issues. Ranting about the nursery and projecting her body confidence onto you isn't appropriate. You need calm while you're going through this time.

mamaandthegirls · 11/07/2019 22:59

I have actually forgotten to mention that when I asked her If the funding would be able to cover some sessions in September she said “my manager would not agree to that, because if you can’t cope with your children all the time then they should be in care.” I did find that very upsetting.

OP posts:
DodgeRainClouds · 11/07/2019 23:23

Wow! You need to make a stand now and ask for her not to come to your house again. I hope other people are strong enough to complain about her too as she really should not be spending time with anyone emotionally vulnerable.

Justbreathing · 11/07/2019 23:25

Make a complaint end of

nocoolnamesleft · 11/07/2019 23:29

That help appears singularly unhelpful.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 11/07/2019 23:36

She sounds like she shouldn't be supporting anyone!! Please complain and get a different support worker.

justilou1 · 11/07/2019 23:37

Complain ASAP!!!

Rickandportly · 11/07/2019 23:38

Jesus Christ!

Complain and get some one else in. She sounds utterly useless and crass.

tensmum1964 · 11/07/2019 23:44

Absolutely refuse to have her in your house again and put in a very strong complaint. She is outrageous and shouldn't be allowed to work with vulnerable people. I am so sorry that you have been through this. Just awful.

Talkingfrog · 11/07/2019 23:45

I thought the role of a support worker was to support you. She doesn't sound very supportive to me. I hope you can get help from someone else instead.

BackforGood · 11/07/2019 23:45

when I asked her If the funding would be able to cover some sessions in September she said “my manager would not agree to that, because if you can’t cope with your children all the time then they should be in care.”

Shock Shock Shock

This definitely needs a formal complaint.
Early Help is supposed to prevent families going into crisis, not push them over the edge.
This person sounds worse than incompetent and it really needs addressing. Just asking to swap means she is them inflicted on another family. She needs some serious re-training if she is going to continue to be employed in this role.

Tbh, she sounded incompetent at the first thing you said about getting you some hours at Nursery during the school Summer holidays. That is exactly the type of thing that Early Help is there to do... real 'bread and butter' part of her job.
It just got worse from there on in.

TwistyTop · 11/07/2019 23:48

Wtf?

No, this isn't ok. None of this is ok. Please make a complaint and ask for a different support worker.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time Flowers

Brittany2019 · 11/07/2019 23:49

If you can't cope with your children all the time then they should be in care???? JESUS H CHRIST! I only have one child, but still occasionally she gets too much so i get someone else (her Dad or her grandparents usually) to look after her so I can get a break. If you're single and have multiple children, you are doing so ducking well just to get through the day. Fuck that shit.

mamaandthegirls · 11/07/2019 23:57

Does anyone know who I would complain to? As I don’t actually know her managers name or number as my support worker was assigned to me via the early help hub. She has been helpful in some ways (took me out for a drive the other week to help my mood and obviously talk to DD’s nursery to tell them the situation) but I’m actually struggling to sleep tonight because of how bad she has made me feel today. It felt like she didn’t really want to do our visit today as she already cancelled on me once this week.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 12/07/2019 00:12

Contact the Early Help Hub if you have a number for them, or ask your dc's Nursery or the HV or whoever it was that supported you to get referred to Early Help in the first place. Just say you have a serious complaint to make and would like to know how to go about doing that. (You don't have to tell them the details of it if you don't want to).

tensmum1964 · 12/07/2019 07:05

As BackforGood days the early help hub will be able to give you their complaints procedure. For something as serious as this you should put it in writing so that they can't just brush you off.

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