“brave the shave”

[AdultFishcakes]

I know IABU but a friend’s daughter is shaving off all of her hair for charity next week as part of “brave the shave”.

As good as it is to see a teenager aware of the devastation cancer can cause and wish to do something about it AIBU to find it this campaign borderline insulting to those who genuinely lose their hair as a side effect of treatment?

Wanna do something to help a cancer patient?

Offer to look after their kids while they are having chemo or are feeling the effects of chemo

visit them to talk about things other than cancer and have a bit of a laugh with them about what you got up to as kids.

The Little Princess Foundation is abundantly clear on its website that it is nothing to do with shaving:

"Whilst we are hugely grateful for long hair donations, we would like to stress that it is not at all necessary to have a complete head shave."

I don't think the existence of a wig-making charity that does not support shaving, shouid be linked to it

@bingbongnoise you've just read me losing my rag. Usually if I don't like the tone of a thread, I move on and forget about it without commenting.

To the other PP, how is it not obvious from my post that I completely understand there's no comparison? And that I completely get that it's not about anyone's feeling except those going through it? Granted some survivors and current sufferers are saying in this thread that actually they don't like it. And I accept their opinion, Andi can also see why.

I totally haven't noticed it being focussed on does the shaver feel good or like it etc. We literally raised the money, shaved, posted the hair off. None of it was to make any of us feel validated or anything. It was about our friend and he suggested it in the first place.

I'm sure there's some who do these things as a virtue signalling thing. But my kid didn't. She has SEN and is oblivious to that sort of thing.

As I said; there's no comparison.

I do understand hair loss though. I go bald in areas, and I barely have any eyebrows. It's mortifying on top of everything else I feel on a day to day basis. To lose absolutely every hair on my head/ face (and anywhere else but mostly my head) would devastate me.

I just wish people could stop bashing everything. My daughter didn't go round parading herself and her deed, bugging it up or trying to say she felt the same as a cancer patient. But that's what this thread appears to be suggesting she did. Which is part of the reason why I feel so angry at how this thread has gone. All that's important about bts is the money raised, the hair donated and the first two points hopefully helping to ease things for those unlucky enough to get cancer.

@HelenaDove my OH and I did this. We checked in regularly to ask how we could help. And we visited and had laughs and normal conversation.

The sad thing? He said hardly anyone bothered messaging him, never mind visiting him. That was surprising and sad to hear. I appreciate that things like bereavement, cancer, other huge things are hard for some people to cope with it to know what to say to someone about, but it's better to try because at least you're not that person going through whatever bad experience it is.

We're so glad our friend has the all clear. But I don't know if I can forgive his other friends, in my heart, for abandoning him.

@SlipperyWhenWatery I bet he treasures you as his friends for that

I have mixed feelings over this.

I’ve done it. Four of us in our friendship group did it. It was organised by our friend who had lost her hair through chemo and was terminal.

So whilst I understand why some people don’t like it, I don’t feel it was wrong or virtue signalling of us to do it. She looked into different things. Some people did other stuff - one guy scared of heights went abseiling, we sponsored another scared of snakes and spiders to hold them. That kind of thing. For the four of us she suggested the hair shaving so we did.

It didn’t remotely feel like I knew what situation she was in, but it was good to raise some money for the cancer hospital. It no more put me in her shoes than the abseiling did.

We have another friend who has lost her husband to cancer and she detests it so we do different things to raise money for the place that cared for him.

Posted this on a previous thread

Im very happy to donate but i wouldnt shave my head. I once got told that "everyone should do it" by a woman in a supermarket queue whose young daughter had done it. I also saw people attempting to bully others into doing the ice bucket challenge. I dont like this new "chullying

A few years back i was queuing at a supermarket till when the woman in front of me with her young daughter was telling me and the till operator how her daughter had had all her hair cut off for charity. THEN she started going on and on about how EVERYONE should do it and if people didnt then they were selfish and vain. I was fuming and found it hard to keep my mouth shut. Simply donating is not good enough anymore on its own anymore it seems.
to all here who are ill or have been and have/had no bloody choice but to lose their hai

It’s something I feel quite strongly about and have complained to Macmillan. They aren’t interested despite many, many people who have lost hair finding the idea insensitive and crass.
The idea you would think it acceptable to mimic one of the most distressing side effects as a jolly fundraiser is just awful.
I have stopped supporting Macmillan because of it - having previously done videos for them. A real turn off.

I think using the word "brave" is the insensitive part of the campaign. I understand it rhymes with shave and is meant to be hard hitting but it indicates a choice and a decision.

I did not have the choice to be brave or the decision to make. I lost my hair through treatment for breast cancer. I found that more devastating than actually losing my breast. It was a sign to the world that I had cancer and could not choose who to tell anymore.

I lost my hair to cancer last year. My condition is terminal. It will happen again. Brave the shave does not offend me in the slightest. I understand some people are offended, and certainly don't think anyone should be pressured to do it, but it does raise money for research, so why not let those who want to do it crack on?

@CherryPavlova

It’s something I feel quite strongly about and have complained to Macmillan. They aren’t interested despite many, many people who have lost hair finding the idea insensitive and crass.

The idea you would think it acceptable to mimic one of the most distressing side effects as a jolly fundraiser is just awful.

I have stopped supporting Macmillan because of it - having previously done videos for them. A real turn off.

All of this. It's a disgrace actually. Attention seeking and ghastly... And @SlipperyWhenWatery should be thoroughly ashamed of her posts...

Especially the two at 22.24 and 22.26. (on 11 July.) I am not going to repeat them as they're very offensive.

I have read some real humdingers on here, but her posts are right up there. Just because people hit a raw nerve with her, that gives her NO RIGHT to tell people they are not allowed to hate this awful 'brave the shave' thing, or minimise their feelings, and say they are not allowed to feel this way.

Shame on her.

I have Stage 4 Breast cancer, and I am not at all keen on BTS, for the reasons given by many posters. I get that fundraising is a good thing, but there are ways of doing it that don't make the fundraiser such an ongoing centre of attention: this particular campaign attracts virtue-signallers, even if that horrifies some participants with good intentions.

Macmillan have been wonderful to our family, and have even come into my daughter’s school to provide info and support for my daughter’s teachers (they needed to feel confident and capable to be able have her in school - she’s only 7).

I’m sad that some people feel upset or offended by head shavers, (I know there have been some complaints about end of treatment bells recently) but I respect that everyone deals with cancer in different ways...

Still, I’m so thankful to those that do fundraise or donate hair.

Thank you all.

Oh, and I do understand why @SlipperyWhenWatery got cross, but I'm not offended by that especially. I do think it's a bit silly to imply that uppity cancer patients don't deserve fundraising if they don't appear sufficiently grateful though (but I am assuming that was a heat-of-the-moment brainfart).

Nothing brave about it.
Last year my best friend was going through her second round of chemo, some of our friends did the brave the shave. All over Facebook were photos of my beautiful dying bestie awkwardly stood next to bald friends grinning their faces off. All I can see is the worry in her eyes and a plastered on smile. What was brave was watching an amazing person in her thirties fight the cancer with everything she had before she’s passed away.

ella im so sorry

I did this.

My hair was down to my waist and I was fed up of it. I thought maybe I could do a bit of good. Hair got chopped and went to The Little Princess Foundation they are very specific in what they wanted so I wanted to make sure it was perfect for them.

I wasn't going to go as far from shaving, but alot of my family is very rich so I thought what the hell. I am sorry that I didn't see it from the other point of view however. That it might be insulting, I am sorry about that

This I dont mind, abit pointless but nice thought.

I LOATHE the Facebook "send a heart to 10 women on your list but dont tell them why.. to raise awareness of breast cancer"

First of all MEN GET BREAST CANCER TOO. Why only 10 women?

Secondly how is something raising awareness if you dont bloody tell them what it is for?

Thirdly, its God damn annoying chain mail.

If you want to help, donating even £1 makes all the difference in somebody's life.
We've all heard the phrase "every penny makes a pound"

That 57p change you have from your shopping. Pop it in the Macmillan box by the till, or whatever donation box they have in tour local shop.

Unless your seriously hard up, you wont miss 57p.

@Sobeyondthehills That's not the same thing though, so don't worry that you've offended anybody.

@BitOfFun thank you.

At the time I didn't think how it might feel, so its good to get perspective from people who it actually effects