To think I don't need sympathy for living in a flat?

[justarantreally]

Live in a 2 bed flat with a little balcony and large communal garden. Purchased pre DC (1.5 & 2.5).

The last few weeks I have had comments from people (mainly relatives) about how I must hate being stuck in the flat all day long, and how I must be so sick of day time tv etc etc...

AIBU to think that just because I live in a flat doesn't mean I'm housebound? Ok it would be fantastic if we had a house with a garden, but we just can not afford it yet. Yes sometimes I would love to just slob about without getting everything ready for toddlers and just all play in the garden (especially when I had 1 year old and newborn!), but I DO live in a flat with 2 toddlers which means I make the effort every single day (bar illness) to get out and about. Whether it be running errands, going to the park, playgroups, or going out for day trips.

It's not the first time I've had comments of a similar nature, in fact both my family and in laws have made comments in the past making it seem like they think I just stay indoors all day and do nothing, and to be honest it's really irked me. I don't send anywhere near as many photos and things as I used to to the family chats because it just seems a gateway to criticism.

Tell them to shut up and wind their necks in. Don't live your life not upsetting people that are happy to upset you. Offend them as much as they've offended you and they'll shut up.

Sorry, didn't really end that one very well.

AIBU to think it's ok to live in a flat with children?

Monkey that's exactly how I live life, which is ridiculous and you are 100% right. I really struggle with comebacks at the time!

I lived in a flat once, I loved it there. The only thing bothered me was the thin walls. I hate gardening tho and having no garden is a good thing.

Of course it's fine living in a flat with kids, anyone says different, tell them to fuck right off and when they get there, fuck off a bit more

I know exactly what you mean. When we lived in a flat we had the same comments, yet it was a great size flat and had plenty of space - more than some of the 2 bed houses we looked at when deciding what to buy. I think people can just be a bit snobby about flats, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them and your children will absolitely be no more the worse for living there.

Nice, well built flat, big balcony, good neighbours - judging by the state of many of the gardens here, many of my neighbours could do with living in flats.

Instead of reducing good housing stock to Japanese Knotweed infested slums

YANBU, if you like living there.

Don't get me wrong, if we had the money I'd jump at the chance to have a house. Luckily ours is a new build and the walls are amazing. We only hear neighbour noise if the windows are open. In fact my parents house is old and the walls so thin you can hear people putting the kettle on next door! So in that respect we are better off.

You're right in that there is snobbery about flats. One of my relatives lives in a pokey 2 bed house with a garden the size of my balcony - but that's ok because it's a house!

We had a flat with 2 small dc and it was bloody great! All on one level. Reduced space so had to be sensible with what we owned.

We've upsized and the shock on people's faces when we said we were buying another flat! Ok so this one also has a second floor, but it is still a flat. Quite nice to be able to send the kids upstairs to bed, but yep - no real garden. We just go out.

Why does flat living = tv watching?

I lived in a flat when my DD was 3 for 10 years up until last year. We were always out at parks, beaches etc with a picnic. You're right, you do make more of an effort if you live in a flat.
Think if next time anyone comments, your reply should be what you wrote in your post - 'I live in a flat, I'm not housebound!'. Love that!

How strange that people say those things. We live in a flat with our children, one of them a toddler and we're definitely not stuck in all day! We actually chose to live here because of the lovely play parks and green spaces. Soft play is around the corner , the supermarket is a walk away. Public transport is fantastic so we've no need to run a car.

I lived in a flat when dc were growing up. I used to get the headtilt from some school mums as if It was just the most awful thing it is such an odd thing to headtilt about ignore them all.

There’s nothing wrong with bringing up kids in a flat if you are happy there. It’s (as you say) more ‘work’ because you have to pack everything up to use the garden & trek it all back in when you need something or one needs the loo- so your own garden is easier and it’s easier for you, for them to get a bit of fresh air & exercise if all you have to do is fling open the back door

Plus it depends what floor you’re on and if there’s a lift etc plus how old/energetic you are I lived in a 3rd floor flat with no lift and carried my shopping, bike everything up & down all day long when I was younger (mid 30’s) and didn’t think much of it (until 3am when it felt like climbing Everest!!) but I wouldn’t want to live there now(late 40’s) and I wouldn’t have chosen to when the kids were babies especially if no lift.

But their comments about daytime TV & the rest are RUDE & ridiculous. Just ignore it tell them they’re being rude & ridiculous & you don’t want to hear it again, but have a little patience with people who just think a house would make your life a bit easier

I live in an apartment that's ground floor with a garden and people can still be weird about it it's a house with no upper floor

We lived in a 4 bed flat with high ceilings and absolutely huge bedrooms but had no garden. We had a park a five minute walk away and I would go there most days with the kids. I just found it a faff getting both kids up and down the stairs( top floor flat) and missed bot having a garden. We have a lovely 4 bed house now with a decent sized garden but the rooms are not as spacious as the flat we had. There are pros and cons to both. They are being annoying, work on comebacks.

I live in a flat with 3 kids, no garden. It's great! I would love a garden because I want to grow veg but the kids aren't bothered - they prefer the park as more friends there, more stuff to do.

Yes there is so much snobbery about flats, it's ridiculous. We had a lovely huge 2 bed flat with balcony and communal play ground outside, but my sister in law would always make bitchy comments. She'd say oh it must be so hard bringing up your DC here, poor you, can't you get a house etc? It used to drive me mad particularly as she lived in a tiny poky terraced house. I have to say I did get tired as pp said because of feeling the pressure to get out each day with my toddler. On the plus side we got alot more exercise and went all over London doing interesting things.

YANBU OP. It's the norm in many countries to live in a flat, especially in cities.

We lived in a flat for years with two children, nice three bed place with a decent size lounge. I loved it because I loathe gardening.

Plus it means you don't accumulate heaps of shit (no loft, garage etc). That said it was a PITA if you have a buggy.

There were a few shocked mums when their kids came round for playdates, but when they came round I think they changed their opinion. It is not all tiny cold rooms that look like student digs.

We had lots of green spaces around, easy access.

We moved abroad and are now in a house with a garden, it is a nice change and the kids seem to be enjoying it but I miss my flat. For some reason my flat seems more cosy.

Ha, I have just posted a very similar post about living in a tiny house & the comments we get! Ours are more about the apparent unacceptability of living in a tiny house but I do think people in this country have strange views about housing!

If more people lived in flats we’d have less of a housing crisis! But it’s essential that there’s great safe outside space for kids to play. I’d love to live in a mansion block, personally.

It's fine, and perfectly normal in many cities.

I loved living in a flat. Loved having no stairs. Loved having everything on the same floor and all the rooms close together. Loved being able to hoover the whole place without unplugging it .

Sadly we had to move as our landlord was selling but I think flats can be great places to live.

What an odd thing to say. Do they think that flats cone with time locks on the door so you cannot go out?

I don't understand this snobbery - I had a flat with 2 young kids, I didn't to bother about maintenance, gardening, we just paid the management company and forgot about it.

It's easier to have a house because you can leave the kids in the garden when you get on with chores, and you can have a few lazy days with a paddling pool and do some work whilst keeping an eye on the kids.

Apart from that, I don't spend that much more time in my house than I did in my flat. Most gardens are far too small for kids to play around properly anyway - how many of the snobs really have space and possibilities to build dens, treehouses, play football, hide?

There's flat and flat - in a big town with unlimited access to parks, museums, sports clubs, there's nothing to be sorry about!

Terminal renter here and the best place I ever lived was a flat. It was above some shops and was brilliant out of hours - no neighbours at all and loads of space.

I would have considered it with dd (3) for our last move but we’ve managed to acquire two cats along the way and ideally they need easy access to outside which narrows down the rental hunt a bit too much. I love the idea of everything on one floor and really enjoy going to holiday apartments.

It’s all in the marketing, you need to refer to it as your apartment.