To think I don't need sympathy for living in a flat?

[justarantreally]

Live in a 2 bed flat with a little balcony and large communal garden. Purchased pre DC (1.5 & 2.5).

The last few weeks I have had comments from people (mainly relatives) about how I must hate being stuck in the flat all day long, and how I must be so sick of day time tv etc etc...

AIBU to think that just because I live in a flat doesn't mean I'm housebound? Ok it would be fantastic if we had a house with a garden, but we just can not afford it yet. Yes sometimes I would love to just slob about without getting everything ready for toddlers and just all play in the garden (especially when I had 1 year old and newborn!), but I DO live in a flat with 2 toddlers which means I make the effort every single day (bar illness) to get out and about. Whether it be running errands, going to the park, playgroups, or going out for day trips.

It's not the first time I've had comments of a similar nature, in fact both my family and in laws have made comments in the past making it seem like they think I just stay indoors all day and do nothing, and to be honest it's really irked me. I don't send anywhere near as many photos and things as I used to to the family chats because it just seems a gateway to criticism.

When they say ignorant things to you reply " why would you think/say that?"

We were in a flat until last year with our now 15 year old dd. Like you i made the effort to get out every day which is more than a lot of children do in houses or flats. Since we moved to our house its lovely that she now has a trampoline but i feel its my husband and i that get the most out of pottering in the garden. In actual fact she moans a lot that her bedroom is smaller! I really dont think you abu.

There is a lot of anti-flat snobbery in the UK. TBF a lot of apartments - and city centre living in general - in the UK are not designed with families in mind. We're in France, and live in a city centre apartment - and it's great! It's also completely the norm here - all my children's friends live in apartments. There are small, well-maintained parks every couple of blocks, so we are never far from green space / play equipment. Plus all the apartment buildings are well-maintained, as they are required to have a management company to look after the communal areas (contrasted with our old flat in Scotland where no-one ever washed the stairwell and the back green was waist-high weeds and rubbish).

I think your mistake is to tell people that you would prefer to live in a house though. By sharing this kind of information with them, you are inviting them to comment on your situation - and they probably think they are just agreeing with how you feel.

Also if you have a house you have to do the gardening! You have access to outdoor space that you don’t need to maintain! Ideal!

My flat has more floor space than the houses I have viewed. It has a loft that extends the length of the flat, only share one wall of one one room with a neighbour so not noisy. It has a lot of storage. A balcony. It's light and bright. Two bathrooms. I love living in a flat. Don't feel I am missing out by not having a house. (And I have paid off the mortgage so happy all round.)

If it’s your family melting your ears with these comments, ask them to buy you a house with a garden and a 🦆 pond.

Rinse and repeat every time they start up. Simples.

It's perfectly alright to live in a flat with children. Other people should mind their own business.

I'd hate living in the surburbs but i wouldn't let on to my friends cos it's rude.

I have the standard 4 bed semi with a front and back garden. I’ll be honest, the gardens are just a nuisance to us. I hate the lawn upkeep and I hate gardening in general. My DC do occasionally play out but they usually run in and out of the house none stop which is fairly irritating. I kinda miss my old terraced house .

I'd hate living in the surburbs
to be fair, most people do! They just can't afford to live in central locations, or can't find jobs in the country.

If you were living in Rome or Paris or Amsterdam or most German or Scandinavian large cities apartment or flat living would be the norm. maybe you should read up and have the stats to quote if its raised again. What is it they think about a flat makes you flat bound that you wouldn't be in a house, not every house comes with a garden? or in case of my nephews they wouldn't go outside if a parent wasn't watching so never used theirs.

I know a guy , had 2 boys late in life when he was about 54/55, they moved from a very small 2 bed semi south London to another city, they were amazed at what their money could buy, company also gave relocation allowance, so they bought a huge place, huge garden and even a granny flat for family to come visit, - they didn't come often, in a town that's supposedly 40 mins outside city , then he sat in rush hour traffic for 2plus hours a day while his wife and kids didn't see anyone or any neighbours , and aside from local shops and café if they needed anything they had to drive, as kids were small she said she was housebound and lonely, the place was so big if she needed to pee she felt she had to bring kids with her as she couldn't hear them, and she spent a lot of time cutting grass cleaning windows etc - so they sold up bought a three bed corner flat in a nice area in close to city suburbs and have thrived, all their family think its madness but they have thrived, they are within a 20 minute walk to city centre, but lots of places on way, so rarely need to go that far, the external maintenance is someone else's problem, they overlook a canal so lovely view and walks, there is a bike path and park, and so much to do locally, schools are nearby, lots of professional neighbours,

I live in a flat. Granted it's the ground floor of a 4 flat block so not exactly a high rise but it's no less accessible than any of the detached properties I've lived in. What an odd thing to think.

I miss living in our old flat we had pre kids. More floor space. All on one level. Overlooking beautiful communal garden. Big rooms. Compared with small house, small garden that you can’t see from the kitchen (not opened it up) and the daily effort of getting out every morning so DC can properly run. In hindsight, don’t know why we felt we had to live in a house so much when pregnant.

I remember as a small child visiting a friend of my grandmother's and feeling very sorry for her living in flat (rather than a 1970s estate house like ours :-)). It was only when I moved to London and thought about it for the first time in years that I realised a 4 bedroom mansion flat overlooking Hyde Park was considerably better than our house!

I lived in a flat in London - I loved it, so much easier than a house. Our retirement plan is to buy a nice big proper flat with communal gardens.

Give me a small flat in an amazing city or town with loads on my door step over my house anyday alas i cant afford to move from my little village into a city and we don't have many flats here.

I think it's just an old style snobbery about flats.
Are they perhaps feeling that way about your flat as they know you would in fact prefer a house, so they feel you are "stuck in flat" rather than being able to move to a house rather than "stuck in" meaning inside the flat......
If you see what I mean,

I have recently moved from a flat to a house with a toddler and I must say I prefer having the space of a house with a garden because I love to be able to open up the windows and doors and let my son and I come and go in and out freely. But it's a privileged position to be in and certainly lots of people near me in my old flat lived with one or two (or more) children quite happily. If you feel you have enough room and you like going out day to day then that's all there is to it. To be fair I have traded off living in a quieter area so it is now more effort to go from a quiet residential street in a small town to go and do things than where we were before, I suspect that might be the case for a lot of people who are in a flat in an urban location?

The other thing is that you don't have the endless hassle of having a small child on stairs! Argh!

I may be making an assumption here but are you a SAHM?

Those comments seem more aimed at that than the flat part - at least to me

@justarantreally

Some people are just bloody opinionated. It's got sod-all to do with anyone where you live. You could live in a caravan and it's nothing to do with anyone.

We used to live in a big house in the suburbs of a town, and moved 6 or 7 years ago, and now live in a small cottage in a very rural area with no public transport, no shops, and no facilities at all, (except one pub, and a small parish hall,) the nearest A-road is 3 miles away down winding country lanes, and the nearest (market) town is 5 miles away.

I have had at LEAST half a dozen people tell me I MUST regret downsizing to a smaller property, and cannot fathom how I can tolerate living in somewhere so 'rural.' I don't know why it bothers them, as THEY don't have to live here

Frankly, it's the best place we have ever lived, with the friendliest people, the best community spirit, the best social life (lots of hobby groups and things to do,) and beautiful scenery around. (We can see a mountain range from our front garden, we have a river 10 minutes walk at the bottom of the hill, and we have forests/woodlands within 20 minutes walk...)

Yeah, you can keep your suburbs, towns, and cities, we have never been happier. Yeah, so we need a car to get anywhere, but we needed a car to get to many places when we were in the suburbs.

If we ever get to the stage where we both cannot drive...? Well, we will cross that bridge when we come to it........... Some people in the 70s and 80s in this village have lived here 40-50 years, and would never move. (Some don't drive, and share a taxi to town, and use travel tokens that they are given.)

Gran lived in a flat, it was awesome! Really nice, plenty of space...and everything on one bloody level.
Some ppl will be snobs over anything... apparently our house is too small...AND!? I do not want a big house, never have, but all I get is relatives saying don't you wish you had more space...more space for what exactly...to fart!?
We have a huge park in our village and loads of rural walks...I'm fine with my little house, 2 kids and fresh air and DH of course!

We moved into a flat last year - it's huge! Part of a converted grade II* country manor house and our sitting room is the old ballroom. We also have a private terrace and lawn area as we are ground-floor and there is a 2 acre communal garden. Some of our acquaintances have been a bit when we've told them we live in a flat. I don't elaborate and I don't give a stuff what they think, we absolutely love living here.

Have raised 3Dcs living in flats. Still live in a flat now. This one has high ceilings and huge rooms and its own garden. Others were council flats. Its a pain with wee ones and buggies and shopping etc, but you just get on with it. I would have loved a house, still would, but could never have afforded it. Dcs seem to have turned out ok. Two degrees so far and youngest a musician. We must have done more than watch daytime TV...

I live in a flat. Main road, above shops. It means I'll be mortgage free in 8 years by about 40 and can spend the next 40 or so years with loads of spare money each month for fun and holidays. Sure, I could buy a house, but why would I?

I think some of you are right in that they're probably feeding off a couple of things I've said with regards to wanting more space etc, so it is my own fault really.

iolaus technically I'm not a SAHM because I work very part time, but I am home 6 days out of 7 and the kids have never needed childcare other than me or DH so I generally think of myself as one. It could be aimed at that I suppose, wouldn't surprise me.