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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a home visit - can I get out of it easily?

29 replies

ReanimatedSGB · 11/07/2019 09:04

DS was recently diagnosed with autism (HFA), it's fine, we thought it was the case etc, and stuff like extra time in exams and the potential of a queue-jumper card for theme parks is all good.
But I have had an email saying we have been referred for a home visit. I do not want home visit. The house is a mess and I have huge amounts of work to do. Can I say no or at least ask why they want to come? No mention of it was made previously...

OP posts:
MrsMiggins37 · 11/07/2019 09:05

A home visit for what?

Of course you can say no, it’s your house.

bobstersmum · 11/07/2019 09:10

I don't know who is doing the visit or what for really but if its to help you then I think just let them come. They won't be interested in how your house is decorated etc, I'm assuming it's clean?

Original poster
ReanimatedSGB · 11/07/2019 09:20

I think I will tell them the day they have picked is inconvenient and try to find out what they are after in the first place. My understanding was that we were discharged from CAMHS by now anyway.
I don't like visitors and I particularly don't like 'official' visitors.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/07/2019 09:23

I think it depends what the purpose of the home visit is and who will be doing it?

Of course you can say no but depending on who or why that may ring alarm bells.

I would also be very cautious of pushing away any possible support

EleanorOalike · 11/07/2019 09:25

I wouldn’t like it either but I think I’d be worried that by saying no they’d think I have something to hide and that would be noted in the records.

Rinoachicken · 11/07/2019 09:26

I would imagine it’s a visit to see if you would like or need any additional support. Why would you refuse that?

MrsMiggins37 · 11/07/2019 09:31

Why would it ring alarm bells? Assuming the OP has no social services involvement or other concerns she’s entitled to maintain privacy in her own home?

My home is private it doesn’t mean I’ve got “anything to hide”. Why can’t they have the meeting at a clinic or maybe at school?

I’d do the same as you OP phone to find out what it’s about and make a decision from there. But I certainly wouldn’t feel forced/frightened into doing it in case they become vindictive if you say no.

NoBaggyPants · 11/07/2019 09:35

I doubt your house is worse than others they have seen. If it is then it sounds like you could do with some support, and they can help you access that.

Do you know who it is that is coming out?

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 11/07/2019 09:37

It looks like you are being offered additional support. This makes yo u and your child lucky, many families are just given the diagnosis and told to crack on.

Yes, contact them to discuss the reason for the meeting. If the school are applying for an EHCP (not always needed or appropriate for hfa) the will need to take into account the views of the child/young person and parent/carer.

herculepoirot2 · 11/07/2019 09:38

Who is “they” and why do they want to visit your son at home?

serenadoundy · 11/07/2019 09:38

Context is everything.

Who is doing the home visit?

Nat6999 · 11/07/2019 10:29

If anyone is offering additional support, grab it with both hands. Too often children are given ASD diagnosis & parents are left high & dry to cope with the aftermath. My ds has been diagnosed since he was 9, his appointments with his consultant were originally every 6 months, then dropped to 12 months, now he has to be re referred by the GP & then go on a waiting list to be seen, he has been waiting for nearly 3 years to see a psychologist about his crippling anxiety & depression with no support.

Waveysnail · 11/07/2019 10:31

You would be daft to pass this up. Incredibly rare to get support after diagnosis. This is for your son.

Alsohuman · 11/07/2019 10:33

Why would you turn down help and support for your child?

OvalCanvas · 11/07/2019 10:34

Agree with pps , if it's an offer of support (which it most likely is) , then why are you considering turning them away?

Fairylea · 11/07/2019 10:34

Who / what is the home visit for? Our son has complex needs and the only home visits we’ve had are for speech therapy and when his new teacher came to visit.

Omzlas · 11/07/2019 10:40

Every day you read of parents who beg for help like this and can't get it.

You're being offered help and you're turning it down because your house is messy?
I can pretty much guarantee that they've seen worse.

Take the offer of help OP. You're happy to accept a queue jumping ticket but you may need more practical help, everyday help that hasn't occurred to you as yet.

herculepoirot2 · 11/07/2019 10:43

We have to be careful about the “obviously” posts. We know nothing about the OP’s mental health, and it might very well be that the home visit would compromise this for little benefit to her child.

JuniperNarni · 11/07/2019 10:45

I have to agree with a lot of posters here. Every single thing that is offered grab it. It is so, so difficult to get any support and it is rare for anything to be offered. It is also very hard to push back into the system if you are out of it.

Don't worry too much about your house, they see all sorts. Have a little tidy up if you've got time. I don't think anyone expects immaculate. Our house is a dump at the minute, 9 year old asd and adhd with severe behavioral issues and a 9 month old, i'm always embarassed but noone bats an eyelid and we are finally getting a decent level of support after years of pushing for it.

Purplespup16 · 11/07/2019 10:46

You need to find out what the home visit is for, before you say no. There is an issue with a lot of support agencies not having a place to hold meetings, no offices as such or they are shared by other people making confidential conversations impossible.

I agree with a PP if this is for support for you grab it with both hands and do NOT let go!! In my area there is very little support for families with children who have disabilities. Especially if they are deemed ‘high functioning’ every small amount of support a family does get is usually fought, very hard, for by the parents. Unfortunately the diagnosis is not the end of the fight, but usually just the beginning.

feelingverylazytoday · 11/07/2019 10:47

You can ask to meet them at their office if it makes it easier for you. I used to do this sometimes. I hate having social workers and the like visiting my home, it felt very intrusive and didn't help my daughter. I really try and keep home visits to a minimum.

serenadoundy · 11/07/2019 10:50

@ReanimatedSGB

Who are 'they'?

LoafofSellotape · 11/07/2019 10:54

This is for the benefit of your son,it sounds like you will have additional support which is good.

If the house needs tidying up,get off MN and make a start, it doesn't have to be a show home.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 11/07/2019 11:28

Who is visiting? Camhs? Social services? Family fund? DWP?

kateandme · 11/07/2019 11:41

if it truly is about the mess then could you see past this to being supported.
i do have lots of people that dont like us coming to the home because it their safe space and to have someone official especially whe it can come with lots of personal hard work just doesnt fit.but this is more mental health.

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