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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that DS will be at nursery on his first birthday?

37 replies

Mozfan · 10/07/2019 22:07

I’m back at work in September and his first birthday falls on a Thursday, a day that both me and his dad are at work. So he’ll be spending it at nursery.
We’re planning on having a little tea party with close friends and family on the Saturday.

I just feel a bit sad about it.

OP posts:

Idontlikeshopping · 10/07/2019 22:08

Can't you book the day off?

FanSpamTastic · 10/07/2019 22:09

Take the day off - you have holiday. Keep him off nursery. Or don't and celebrate his birthday at the weekend.

It's only an issue if you make it one.

Luzina · 10/07/2019 22:09

You're not being unreasonable to be sad. But, he won't know. Pretend its on Saturday.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 10/07/2019 22:10

Take the day off then

Original poster

Mozfan · 10/07/2019 22:11

Neither of us can take the day off as we work in a school. It’s not really an option in schools unfortunately, I could ask the head but not sure how it would go down.

OP posts:

prettywoman25 · 10/07/2019 22:11

Take the day off or ring in sick, if your gut instinct is telling you to be with him on his Birthday it’s a special day you’ll never get back

Greenolivesorblackolives · 10/07/2019 22:11

I worked on my dds first birthday. We celebrated at the weekend and she was non the wiser.
A few people were horrified I dared to work in her first birthday but they were the same people that were horrified I went back to work when she was 3 months.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/07/2019 22:11

Don't worry about it. I think for about the first 8 years of both my dds lives, their 'birthday' was on whatever day was most convenient for us.

InDubiousBattle · 10/07/2019 22:11

Of course YANBU to feel a bit sad. What time do you both finish? Will you have time for a little trip to the park and a nice tea together on the day?

ohhelloitsyou · 10/07/2019 22:13

Mil works in a school and they all get one at least “family days” off a year. So for things like days out with family or special birthdays that sort of thing. I would ask for the day off.

Idontlikeshopping · 10/07/2019 22:14

Oh ok, well in that case it really is out of your control.

He really won't know or remember, and you can celebrate at the weekend.

Yanbu to be sad but ds won't know.

Original poster

Mozfan · 10/07/2019 22:16

We both finish around 3:30/4. So yes we could have a little tea party just the three of us in the late afternoon/early evening. And I was thinking a few presents then too.

OP posts:

HeroicAlien · 10/07/2019 22:17

DS was in nursery for his 1st birthday - he didn't have a clue. It's much worse when they're older and realise they're missing out!

I took in a plain cake for the babies to share, but in the end DS had a temperature so I had to pick him up early. So in the end, his actual birthday was a non-event! We had a family BBQ at the weekend instead, and he has no idea that it wasn't his actual birthday.

sqeakywheel · 10/07/2019 22:20

I really understand what you feel, but he doesn't know it's his birthday. You will be leaving to collect him in the afternoon. Will he have a sleep in the day? If he does the time without you will be even shorter for him.

WhatsInAName19 · 10/07/2019 22:25

Well we spent our DD's 1st birthday with her because it fell on a Saturday. Grandparents and my siblings came over and we had a beautiful BBQ, presents, balloons....she cried almost all day because she was hot and pissed off and hadn't slept well the night before in the heat. She absolutely 100% didn't care that it was her birthday or that we'd tried to make it nice.

I think 1st birthdays are for parents really. I mean, I'm sure that (heatwaves aside) your baby will love all the visitors, fuss, nice food etc but they won't care or understand whether this happens on their actual birthday or at the weekend. Actually, it's a bit of a win-win for him because if you make his favourite tea or give him a little cupcake or something on his actual birthday and he gets a party on the Saturday, that's 2 for 1!

Don't beat yourself up, OP. And I definitely wouldn't pull a sickie as one PP suggested. Your son needs you to have a secure job more than he needs you to spend his birthday with him.

Bourdic · 10/07/2019 22:29

Learn an early lesson - a birthdate is not a birthday celebration. That way madness lies. You will be spared much anguish over the years if you accept now that celebrating a birthday is a joyous occasion and is not dependent upon the exact date. Round about is good enough. DD is 38, dgs are 5 and 8; - we’ve celebrated every single birthday but damn me if I can remember whether it was on the exact date or not. Same applies to Christmas when they get older.

PotolBabu · 10/07/2019 22:29

My kids have been in childcare for every single birthday (7 and 2). We cut the cake in the morning and have some balloons and decorations, and a couple of presents. Then off to nursery or school as normal. With school they could take in cupcakes. In nursery they wear a crown for the day and everyone sings to them. Then once we are home they get their favourite food for dinner and open the rest of the presents. And have a party at the weekend. It’s possible to celebrate without taking the entire day off.

kathryng90 · 10/07/2019 22:33

I am a Childminder and I make a big fuss of anyone coming on their birthday. I put banners up, we have cake and candles and a present. I try to make the child feel special but mostly they want routine, toys and play. And they won't remember!

duckme · 10/07/2019 22:38

Did you do any KIT days? I opted to use one of the KIT days I did during maternity leave to have off for my sons first birthday rather that being paid for it.
If not, I'd still ask the head teacher. I work in a school and ours is very accommodating with this sort of thing, as long as you don't take the mickey.

twinklebee · 10/07/2019 22:40

I used to work in a nursery (in the baby room) and we always celebrated 1st birthdays. It was lovely! They're so young they don't know what a birthday is. Don't worry if you can't get a day off, a tea party sounds lovely and your child should have a great day at nursery too!

ThreadKillerSleepsInACoil · 10/07/2019 22:41

Honestly OP, he won't know or care at this age. Early birthdays really are more for the parents, and he'll have years of being at nursery, school, work on his birthday ahead of him.

Maybe a special tea on the day?

Skittlesandbeer · 10/07/2019 22:41

I had a traumatic birth, and thanks to counselling I try very hard not to organise too much on the actual day. I get too stressed out, and loud kiddy parties make it very overwhelming. Nobody has twigged that I do this- I always find another day to make a fuss of her.

My DD adores parties and fuss, yet never minds a relatively quiet ‘actual day’. And she’s 8! I’m sure your little one won’t notice, and your tea party later in the day will be terrific fun!

ThreadKillerSleepsInACoil · 10/07/2019 22:43

And it's understandable that you feel sad, but please don't beat yourself up.

Purpleartichoke · 10/07/2019 22:44

We always have a small family celebration on the actual birthday. For dd’s first, we took her to pick out a stuffed animal and then got some food. Nothing fancy, but we just wanted to do something.

rwalker · 10/07/2019 22:46

He won't know have presents and cake at teatime.
FFS can't believe the reply telling you to ring in sick great work ethic there .

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