Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking I may not actually be married

97 replies

Firef1y72 · 10/07/2019 17:05

Is there anyone with some legal knowledge that can help me :
I'm trying to get a copy of my marriage certificate so I can get a passport. Filled in all the info online and today got an email saying there is no record of the marriage (yes I have got all the details right).

Does this mean (please, please, please) that I am not (and never have been) legally married?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 10/07/2019 17:43

Has he divorced you with you knowing? Faked forms etc ?

lovelylondonsky · 10/07/2019 17:43

As above...I'm into genealogy and my dad's middle initial is incorrect on the marriage register. A small error but they do happen!

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 10/07/2019 17:45

The church will have a copy. If you've been separated for 13 years though, how can he be making it difficult to divorce? I'd have thought it was a simple formality after all that time.

Shadow1234 · 10/07/2019 17:46

I thought once you had lived apart for 5 years, you didn't need approval from the other party to divorce provided you were married in the first instance of course

happybunny007 · 10/07/2019 17:48

Has he divorced you with you knowing? Faked forms etc

There would still be a record of the marriage though, surely?

Thump · 10/07/2019 17:57

You say you've an eidetic memory and that there was something wrong on the form but you can't remember what it was? Confused

Jessbow · 10/07/2019 17:58

If you order on line, you have to order EXACTLY as the cert says.

If His Name was John Simon Brown, and you order John S Brown, its deemed not a match ( And vice versa)

Your own name has to be spot on as well.

Ring the reg office under which the church registers- they will help you

prh47bridge · 10/07/2019 18:02

In the UK (actually, may just be England), only CofE vicars are allowed to register marriages

That is not true. A religious wedding can be registered by any authorised person. Some, but not all, non CofE ministers are authorised.

lyralalala · 10/07/2019 18:13

If you turned up in my office, I would probably ask you for some ID first and contact details,

Why ID when marriage records are public record so anyone can pay and order a copy of any marriage (or birth or death) record?

That always makes me curious

Outsomnia · 10/07/2019 18:14

Curious as to how your "husband" is making it practically impossible for you to divorce him.

Lovemusic33 · 10/07/2019 18:18

You can divorce him without his say but you can’t do that without a birth certificate. Contact the church and see if they have a record.

funnelfanjo · 10/07/2019 18:20

So, you got married in a CofE church in England. You’ve gone to the gro.gov.uk website and entered the details, and it is they who said there is no record? Is that all correct?

Don’t panic as sometimes transcription errors or delays mean the gro database doesn’t always pick things up. You need to speak to the parish where you got married and they will be able to help - either they still have the register or it will have been returned to their local register office, in which case they will direct you there.

perfectstorm · 10/07/2019 18:31

In the UK (actually, may just be England), only CofE vicars are allowed to register marriages. In any other church, you have to either arrange for a registrar to attend or have a separate register office ceremony to do the legal bit.

It used to be the case that only CofE (and then only in churches, unless you had a special licence), Quakers, and Jews could legally marry without recourse to a civil ceremony. That's not the law any more. Any registered place is valid, a place of worship no less than a hotel or stately home, and a member of the faith community in question can be registered as an Authorised Person to record a marriage, just as a vicar or rabbi or Quaker clerk always were.

OP, as has been said, contact the church directly. And I'm really happy for you that you got free of him.

perfectstorm · 10/07/2019 18:32

Sorry, that should have been contact the parish.

Belenus · 10/07/2019 18:34

OP if you go here you can search for your own marriage. www.freebmd.org.uk/cgi/search.pl

There's another way of checking as well. I'll see if I can remember it!

Crustaceans · 10/07/2019 18:36

If you’ve been separated 13 years, you can totally divorce him without his consent. It makes no difference if he does or does not sign anything.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 10/07/2019 18:44

Did you go to the registry office to put notice of marriage in?

growlingbear · 10/07/2019 18:50

@Belenus I just tried that site and it had no mach for my own marriage!

GabsAlot · 10/07/2019 18:50

You can divorce him after 5 years of separation or is that what yure trying to do

SparklyMagpie · 10/07/2019 18:52

Another wondering how you haven't divorced him after 13 years??

Belenus · 10/07/2019 18:58

@growlingbear it doesn't list everything. There's another searchable register that goes up to 2005. It might help the OP but absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Sorry, I should have made that clearer.

KittenSnuggler · 10/07/2019 19:00

I've got an Ancestry account and would be more than happy to search the marriage records for you if you want to PM me the details.

I totally appreciate that you may very well not want to do this as I could be anybody but am happy to help if you would like me to.

Bluthbanana · 10/07/2019 19:13

Another wondering how you haven't divorced him after 13 years

My aunt has never divorced her abusive ex after15 years apart because she's terrified about potentially opening a communication channel, no matter how many of us tell her she can do it without his consent here (in Scotland). She's also now worried he'll try to lay claim to her inheritance from when DGM-IL died.

Outsomnia · 10/07/2019 19:16

Surely one needs a certificate of marriage to dissolve it by divorce? That may be the issue here.

OP cannot locate the marriage certificate, so is hoping it was never registered. Well that's my reading of it. If marriage certificate CANNOT be located well divorce is not on the cards is it?

If the marriage certificate can be located, divorce is more or less automatic after 13 years.

I am sure there is a way of finding out. As others have said, contacting the church is the first stop.

steppemum · 10/07/2019 19:22

It used to be the case that only CofE (and then only in churches, unless you had a special licence), Quakers, and Jews could legally marry without recourse to a civil ceremony

again, no.

I am old enough to remember when the law changed. After the change, any where (hotel etc) coudl be a registered place for marriage.
Before the law change, many local churches (baptist, methodist, URC etc) were legally able to conduct weddings and register the marriage. Not justy CofE.