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AIBU?

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Original poster

In thinking I may not actually be married

97 replies

Firef1y72 · 10/07/2019 17:05

Is there anyone with some legal knowledge that can help me :
I'm trying to get a copy of my marriage certificate so I can get a passport. Filled in all the info online and today got an email saying there is no record of the marriage (yes I have got all the details right).

Does this mean (please, please, please) that I am not (and never have been) legally married?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 10/07/2019 17:15

In the UK (actually, may just be England), only CofE vicars are allowed to register marriages. In any other church, you have to either arrange for a registrar to attend or have a separate register office ceremony to do the legal bit.

I used to manage the registration service for a local authority. People finding out that they weren't legally married was a common reason for the registrars to be called out for "deathbed weddings".

ForkHandlesplease · 10/07/2019 17:15

A colleague of mine, from ROI was married in a church in UK, over 30 years ago, recently went for divorce... no official record of wedding as they never went to register other than the church. she was never married.

pisspawpatrol · 10/07/2019 17:16

Get in touch with the church. The church I got married in only fills a register roughly once every 10-15 years so it will years before our certificate makes it to the general registrar.

Idontwanttotalk · 10/07/2019 17:18

What? Haven't you ever previously seen a copy of your Marriage Certificate?

They are submitted on a regular basis by churches, Register Offices and other premises licenced to perform marriages to The General Register Office.

Where did you marry? It is highly unlikely that you are not married if you think you were married on premises where they are licence to perform weddings.

Original poster
Firef1y72 · 10/07/2019 17:19

Thank you everyone, I guess it's wishful thinking that I'm not actually married, he's made it almost impossible for me to divorce him.
I also guess that as I've since changed my name by deed poll and am known everywhere by a different name may mean I don't need it anyway

OP posts:
KevinKlineSwoon · 10/07/2019 17:20

I think it depends which country you got married in.

Also, the details may have been mis-spelled when they were entered onto computer. If you are in Scotland, you can search the Scotland's People website and try spelling variations.

CornishMaid1 · 10/07/2019 17:22

Are you both British and was it a C of E church?

If yes then go to the Church as they do keep records. They would have passed on a copy to the Register Office, but if it was handwritten it is possible that someone may have made a typing error when entering it on the system.

stucknoue · 10/07/2019 17:23

Church marriages are logged into church registers. There's a duplicate form vicars are meant to send to the council but I know they forget regularly. Contact the church as they are the ones who can issue a duplicate certificate anyway - there's a set fee to search the register plus the copy fee - but also mention it's not listed in the online register. As long as its in the church register you are married

drinkswineoutofamug · 10/07/2019 17:24

I'm more worried here about you stating that your husband is abusive and has made it impossible for you to divorce him. Are you safe OP?

autumnboys · 10/07/2019 17:27

As CornishMaid says, may have been a transcription error at the registry office. I am a church administrator in a CoE church and I keep the records books. Once a quarter I do a return to the registry office with details of any weddings, sometimes it takes up to a year before they come back to query details. If you turned up in my office, I would probably ask you for some ID first and contact details, but I would look up the certificate. If your solicitor wrote to me asking for a copy, I would make one. There's usually a small charge, or around £10.

steppemum · 10/07/2019 17:27

When you get married - the certificate is ALWAYS given to the woman at the signing of the register - it is her property (So our vicar said)

um, no.
not given to me!

So, you were married by an anglilcan vicar in an anglican church?

The anglican church has the right to perform weddings, so unless something odd is going on, yes, you should be married.

if you got married in a chapel (ie not anglican) then it would only be valid if the presiding minister was register to perform weddings (as many of them are)

To the pp who said 'back in 1991 many churches weren't consecrated' I think you may need a vocabulary check! I think what you meant was that not all ministers had the right to perform weddings, and 'back in 1991' has nothing to do with it, it still depends on the church and the minister.

I suspect either the register has not been passed to the central register office, or there is a clerical error.
I would phone up the parish you got married in and ask if you can view th register for that date, ask them where it is held.

managedmis · 10/07/2019 17:27

Sounds like you're not actually married?

Original poster
Firef1y72 · 10/07/2019 17:28

@drinkswineoutofamug I'm very safe, I left him near enough 13 years ago and I am a very different person now from the one he had under his control

OP posts:
drinkswineoutofamug · 10/07/2019 17:28

Sorry you had me worried

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/07/2019 17:29

In the UK (actually, may just be England), only CofE vicars are allowed to register marriages. In any other church, you have to either arrange for a registrar to attend or have a separate register office ceremony to do the legal bit.

My parish priest (Roman Catholic) is also a licensed registrar as are, in my experience, most RC Parish Priests so no need for a separate registrar to attend.

My father remarried in a CofE church about 10 years ago and I couldn’t find any record of the marriage ... it turned out that his name had been transcribed incorrectly which was why I couldn’t find it.

steppemum · 10/07/2019 17:30

you have to either arrange for a registrar to attend or have a separate register office ceremony to do the legal bit.

again, no.

Many ministers of churches and chapels are legally registered to perform weddings, or, as in the case in our church, a member of the church is registered to do that. It is not automatic as it is with the anglican church. So the person registered for our church can only offciate at weddings in our church by our church (if you see what I mean) they are not a registrar.

It is prettyy unusual for churches not to have this. Most major denominations (methodist/baptist etc) can do this

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/07/2019 17:31

When you get married - the certificate is ALWAYS given to the woman at the signing of the register - it is her property (So our vicar said)

Ours was handed to the best man as we were posing for photos!

vicarlady · 10/07/2019 17:32

Anglican (Church of England ) ministers are required to send in a return for each parish at the end of each quarter to the County registration service; it is then submitted to GRO. It is possible to forget but, believe me, the Registrar reminds us until we remember! This includes a nil return where no marriages have taken place.

I suppose it is possible that a marriage wasn't included in a return? I would contact the church and see if they can help.

vicarlady · 10/07/2019 17:33

Ps. I give the certificate to the groom for the simple reason that suits have pockets and wedding dresses don't !

Ali86 · 10/07/2019 17:33

If the marriage took place in a Church of England church then it is almost certain that you are married. An innocent mistake in the recording of the marriage or entry at the register office wouldn't invalidate the marriage. Sorry.

LL83 · 10/07/2019 17:33

When we got married (Scotland) in a church we were given paperwork to hand in to town hall within 3 days to register marriage.

StealthPolarBear · 10/07/2019 17:37

If you e been separated for 13 years how can it be difficult to get a divorce

Speakercube · 10/07/2019 17:38

It would be useful to be divorced if you wanted to remarry. Might also be worth thinking if yr estate might go to him if u havent a will etc?

ColaFreezePop · 10/07/2019 17:38

If you left him over 13 years ago then you can divorce him without his consent. It will be a bit more convoluted but you can still get divorced.

AlunWynsKnee · 10/07/2019 17:40

Have you searched with different combinations of the names? If something looked wrong at the time could it have been his name or his father's name spelt differently.
PM me if you want me to have a poke around in the register on a genealogy site.