It's not a noonie is a vagina

[queenofkale]

In some ways I know already but I'm not sure exactly how to handle it without becoming that parent.

DD is 3 and I have taught her the correct names for her body parts (although she seems to have picked up vagina and not vulva)

After nursery yesterday she told me one of the members of staff told her that she is wrong and it's not a vagina it's a noonie and that she shouldn't use the word vagina. (I'm aware that 3 year olds can't always be trusted to relay information completely accurately)

I think it's confusing to use a variety of made up words and for young children (mostly girls) to be made to be ashamed of her body.

I obviously don't want her to be corrected when using the right word - AIBU to email and say this? Or will I really be THAT parent and just let it go.

Sre is supposed to be statutory from next year so there should be clearer guidelines about what is taught when. We very much teach it as part of science.

@Boogles it’s worth being aware then that if your child is groomed they’re even less likely to come to you with perfectly clear, anatomically correct English. You’re going to have to be a bit more streetwise than expecting “mummy my scout leader touched my vulva today”

You were absolutely right to teach your daughter correct words for parts of her anatomy. The teacher was just being coy; it's a fact that informal words are used for vagina and vulva (I've never heard of 'noonie' ), and she obviously wanted to convey that, but shouldn't have told your daughter that saying 'vagina' was wrong. It's not at all wrong.

Hee hee, I have visions of your three year old going round the class at nursery and announcing that she has a vagina :-). I'm not saying she did that but it's an amusing thought. How did the vagina subject come up at nursery?

Next thing is to teach her is that boys' bits are penis, scrotum and testes, rather than willy and balls.

Well bollocks to the teacher, she's well mingey .

I taught my son the correct anatomical words.

We haven’t had a strident must-call-it-a-vagina thread for a while, have we?

My kids say minnie or willy. I find the words penis and vagina sound rather blunt coming from a tot, even if they are the correct term. I’ve had this argument on here before with posters insisting I am doing my kids a disservice in some way by using slang terms...but I really couldn’t care less.

Don’t contact the nursery to carp about this ffs. Don’t be so petty.

That’s absurd. I can get behind using willy/fanny/boobs/bum/private parts etc because I think those terms are still pretty unambiguous and they don’t make it appear like the body part in question is something that needs to be made more palatable somehow. I use penis/testicles/vulva/vagina (ie proper anatomical terms) but wouldn’t worry if they used the wrong one- vagina not vulva etc since they’re so small. I’d be furious if someone told them that the proper terms were wrong or inappropriate though. They are neither of those things regardless of how much they make anyone cringe. It’s just a name for a body part the same as ear, stomach, toe is. It shouldn’t come with any sort of cringe reaction or correction to something less “offensive”! Definitely send an email and see what their stance is on this. Regardless of what words the member of staff prefers to use, they should absolutely not be telling children that the correct terms are wrong!

Although from a pure snobbery point of view I would hate for my children to be taught belly 🤢

A child taught vagina could have all of the complications you describe, so it’s not about the word for the body part is it?

I do think it's a bit odd correct the child though. If she says noonie fair enough nutnits weird to correct her from more accurate to less accurate.
I dont think it would hurt to say 'x calls it her vagina and we would rather her not be confused'.

It's not the same as bum willie etc as they are still very widely used.

The problem with all these words for girls is that they are often very regional / local or even within families, there are loads, and some are used for other things much more commonly ie flower.

Try the other way round. Dd has a toy called noonoo. She called it that when she was tiny. I had no idea whatsoever that 30 miles away this is a word for girls genitals until a man at work started giggling when I was telling him about her toy (he has kids the same age),.

So my dd says daddy was playing with noonoo, person from next county reports is to ss or whatever. Our do they? Do they think, maybe i misheard, could be a toy etc.

It's a real problem that there is no 'friendly' universal word, like willie, this is due to female genitals being more unmentionable which is a problem. The friendly ones soon become obscene eg someone mentored fanny, that is very rude here no one would teach that to their child or would be like teaching pussy or gash.

Having said that, privates, private parts, girly bits are probably pretty universal.

The nursery should not have told her w what they told her that's ridiculous.

@rachelover40

knowing her it's definitely possible that she announced I have a vagina.

She has recently discovered that boys and girls are different so has been asking lots about it.

But I think this might have come up around toileting and wiping. Trying to teach a little more independence before nursery school in September.

The Jigsaw resource technically shows a picture of the mons pubis rather than the vulva. (I also can't understand why you'd teach tummy and belly button. If you're not going to teach navel, why not tummy button so it matches?)

My family actually used pudenda, which covers everything external, but I doubt many adults know that (and yes, I know it means 'shameful', but it's still the only proper word).

PolkadotsandMoonbeams - Pudenda actually sounds quite exotic and mysterious.

QueenofKale- "blush knowing her it's definitely possible that she announced I have a vagina. blush "

Hee hee, my son used to go around saying, "My bum is nice", when he was little (I hadn't taught him 'anus' and 'rectum' at that stage :-) )..

I think the problem is that even as a person workong with children until recently if a child had said " x touched my flower" i would think a literal flower or a toy flower

Minnie - same - Id assume minnie mouse, a toy.

Tuppence - i wouldnt have had a clue!

These really are localised terms Ive only heard on mumsnet so I truly really wouldnt have had a clue if a child had disclosed unless obviously upset. If just trying me out Id have not noticed.

Privates at least is clear. I dont like using vagina (especially as people using vagina are usually usuing it incorrectly) as ita not a term wed usually use in daily language either.

There's really a lack of a good l,understandable, name equal to willy.

The question should be WHY do we need a "cute name" for genitals of either sex!?

My god, this is clearly worse than I thought.

It is everyone's duty to safeguard children and vulnerable people. And, for the record, you should not ever interrogate a child if they have made a disclosure. You are supposed to acknowledge the information they have told you in the terminology that they used. Anything else is a leading question.

If you haven't been trained in child protection and think this is acceptable then you absolutely need to be! If you have been, and have no issues, then you need to be honest about whether you took any of it on board at all.

@PinkFlowerFairy haven’t you had child protection training? It should cover that children use different names.

@namechanging2019 you’re getting wildly carried away. We’re talking about a scenario such as:

“Uncle Dave touched my noonie”
“Ok Sarah, could you just point to your noonie?”

We’re not police officers building a case for the prosecution

'It is everyone's duty to safeguard children and vulnerable people. And, for the record, you should not ever interrogate a child if they have made a disclosure. You are supposed to acknowledge the information they have told you in the terminology that they used. Anything else is a leading question.

If you haven't been trained in child protection and think this is acceptable then you absolutely need to be! If you have been, and have no issues, then you need to be honest about whether you took any of it on board at all.'

Everyone in the whole country needs to be trained in child protection?
Or did imusunderstand?

Sorry, but I disagree that there's any scenario where it's acceptable to downplay any child safeguarding issue.

Ironically, you've made my point for me. It is not the role of anyone receiving a disclosure to interrogate the child and ask questions that might confuse them or make them think you don't believe them.

that’s not proving your point. You clearly have no idea what an integration is.

Ironically my mother interviewed abused children for 20 years and taught myself and my sisters to use Minnie. She heard thousands of pet names for private parts over the years. It made no difference to their prosecution and to allege it will is disgraceful .

YANBU

Children that are taught to use words like minnie and noonie grow up to be the adults that call their period "Aunt flow" because they are too embarrassed to say they are on their period.

I'm autistic and it didn't occur to me that I should be calling it anything other than what it is - a vagina. My mother gasped and laughed at me, and was horrified I was telling my kids the actual names of their parts. I was confused because, it's the name though? So nicknames wouldn't occur to me. I think I wouldnt like it though if they were corrected to use a nickname. I mean, it's not like a swear word is it?

I'm aware of the meaning of both integration and interrogation thanks!

Namechanging you seem to be suggesting that everyone in the uk should be trained in child protection.

Is that what you are suggesting or have I missed something?

Children that are taught to use words like minnie and noonie grow up to be the adults that call their period "Aunt flow" because they are too embarrassed to say they are on their period.

Nice bit of generalisation there.

For all of you insisting that the mother should use the term vulva instead of vagina, I suspect there's a significant subset of people who know the word vagina but don't know what or where the vulva would be.
Vagina is still a lot more clear than stupid ambiguous terms like noonie, tuppence, Minnie and widgie.