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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my DH goes on hols and doesn't contact me or ask how DS is?

33 replies

SerendipitySmiles · 10/07/2019 07:46

My DS is 8 months old, my DH said that he's been unhappy since I was pregnant. He went on holiday to read, exercise and take time for himself, he was away for four days. He didn't ask how me or our son were and only got in touch to confirm his return date. He has been away on four other occasions for work trips since our DS arrived. I feel hurt. If I tell him this I think he will say that I am pressuring him and that i will have ruined his return. Do you think I should just swallow the upset and move on? He says he is finding it hard to adjust to his time having no purpose since our son was born.

OP posts:
AlwaysSkint · 10/07/2019 07:52

Does he want to call it a day? Do you otherwise have a good relationship?

I'd be contemplating leaving to be honest.

Blueuggboots · 10/07/2019 07:55

What an arse! Do you get 4 day breaks? I bet you don't!!

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 10/07/2019 07:57

Was the pregnancy planned?

Did he want a baby?

I mean I totally get just wanting to escape for a few days. I am a lone parent. Ds dad is shit. But when I do get a break away when ds dad is back (works abroad) I really look forward to the quality time. Life has changed and it is a struggle and god I would love a few days abroad alone. I always message to find out how ds is though, too.

But when you have kids, you lond of just suck it up. You dont always get what you want.

It sounds like he doesnt want a family at all.

MyOpinionIsValid · 10/07/2019 07:57

He says he is finding it hard to adjust to his time having no purpose since our son was born.

Why does he feel he has no purpose? Surely his purpose is to provide for his wife and family - and I do mean that in both the financal and emotional sense.

Why has he disconnected ?

We're all very different people, I like alone time, I kind of get where he is coming from - BUT not his rationale behind it.

Glovesick · 10/07/2019 07:57

Does he have depression?

No purpose comment would suggest that.

PurpleDaisies · 10/07/2019 07:58

I’d be worried that he feels he needs to do this.
Why has he been so unhappy since your son is born?
Is he definitely on his own on these breaks?

ineedaholidaynow · 10/07/2019 07:59

He has become a dad, how can he have no purpose?

Biscusting · 10/07/2019 07:59

The poor thing! Has the pregnancy/arrival of his child been a little stressful -head tilt-

What an arse, imagine if you had done the same!? Unless you thing there is serious MH issues, Send him on a permanent holiday OP.

RedSkyLastNight · 10/07/2019 07:59

He sounds depressed. Has he spoken to anyone (other than you) about how he is feeling?

stucknoue · 10/07/2019 08:01

He sounds depressed, he should see his gp, also consider counselling. It doesn't sound good

TheWernethWife · 10/07/2019 08:02

You DH is a selfish twat, unhappy indeed, bloody tell him to go on another holiday and not come back.

FuriousVexation · 10/07/2019 08:21

Male pnd is actually a Thing apparently. I'd be encouraging him to get checked out.

I'd have just said he was a selfish cock but the "no purpose" thing definitely points to depression.

omione · 10/07/2019 08:59

Get rid

Snipples · 10/07/2019 09:08

I wouldn't be putting up with this at all OP. It's completely selfish. He needs to step up or piss off. And if it is depression then he needs to get treated for that. He is massively taking the piss and you're only going to resent him if this keeps up.

SlothMama · 10/07/2019 09:42

He sounds so selfish, he is a grown man and he ought to face up to his responsibilities as a parent. He fathered a child, now he needs to step up and be a Dad.

WhyTho · 10/07/2019 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 10/07/2019 09:47

Shock That is dreadful!

That’s not a marriage / partnership at all!

bingbongnoise · 10/07/2019 09:49

Oh FGS, why do people always come out with 'it sounds like depression' line. SO annoying. It could be that he just a childish, irresponsible, thoughtless, inconsiderate man-child! Hmm

Imagine if the OP (the baby's MOTHER) did the same!

Why do men think they can do what the fuck they want? This baby is his too. I'd be filing for divorce already. He won't change.

Pineapplefish · 10/07/2019 09:54

Either your DH is genuinely depressed or he is incredibly selfish. Which do you think is more likely?

lmusic87 · 10/07/2019 09:56

I feel so sorry for you OP, he sounds horrible.

WhatsInAName19 · 10/07/2019 10:00

If he is depressed then he needs to seek professional help so that he can actually step up to his responsibilities and be a parent. I'm assuming that it's actually you that does the vast majority of the parenting donkey work, OP?

I'm afraid I wouldn't have any patience for this and if DH had announced that he was off for a solo holiday to recuperate when our child was 8 months old, I'd have hit the roof. Why are you afraid to tackle him? How has it even got past the first conversation where he floated the idea without you challenging him, let alone him being on his way home and you still not being confident to say anything? Are you scared of him, OP?

ineedaholidaynow · 10/07/2019 10:13

WhyTho how old are your DC? I can’t imagine being away for 2 weeks and not wanting to speak to DS (and DH)

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 10/07/2019 10:20

Ok I'm going to ask. Are you sure he's away on his own? 4 work trips and a 4 day break and this sort of vague 'My time is not my own' stuff. I'm not normally suspicious and but...

ChuckleBuckles · 10/07/2019 10:24

Why do men think they can do what the fuck they want?

Because people will tie themselves into knots excusing away their behaviour?

I am another one asking if these work trips are solo?
Have any other changes in his character occurred? This cannot continue OP, if he is unwell/depressed then a trip to the GP is in order as of today, if he is feeling disconnected from your relationship then he needs to tell you and let you make choices on your own future, this vague one foot in/one foot out cannot continue.

WhyTho · 10/07/2019 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.