That my DH goes on hols and doesn't contact me or ask how DS is?

[SerendipitySmiles]

My DS is 8 months old, my DH said that he's been unhappy since I was pregnant. He went on holiday to read, exercise and take time for himself, he was away for four days. He didn't ask how me or our son were and only got in touch to confirm his return date. He has been away on four other occasions for work trips since our DS arrived. I feel hurt. If I tell him this I think he will say that I am pressuring him and that i will have ruined his return. Do you think I should just swallow the upset and move on? He says he is finding it hard to adjust to his time having no purpose since our son was born.

If I tell him this I think he will say that I am pressuring him and that i will have ruined his return

You are still allowed to tell him you feel hurt. It is not reasonable of him to do what he likes and then insist you don’t tell him what effect it has on you.

Sounds like a right catch! When are you going on holiday?

Jeez what a man child! Tell him to grow the fuck up! This is what responsibility and commitment feel like and if he can’t handle it perhaps he needs to pack his bags and go on a permanent holiday. Meantime you will get on with being an adult and raising your child.
If he is depressed he needs to be honest about it and get to the GP. But there’s a difference between depression and selfishness!

I would think that couples would talk beforehand about what their expectations are for the period away. I am sure I could go four days without calling home. As a PP said, I am sure my partner would let me know if there is a problem, otherwise it is not time off.

With regard to his general being though he does sound cut off. Not having a purpose just at the time in life when you really do have a purpose? Time to talk about what is going on for him. And you!!

As said before, he's either depressed or incrediably selfish. No, I don't think you should just swallow the upset, I'd find it extremely hurtful/soul destroying. If he were mine, I'd sit down and talk to him. Ask if he feels he could be depressed, isn't coping. If so, ask him to see GP/get counselling and offer whatever support you can. If clearly isn't depressed or is and won't face up to things, then I'd find it very hard to continue with the relationship.

Imagine if the OP (the baby's MOTHER) did the same!

Imagine this thread ... I've been struggling to adapt since my baby was born 8 months ago. I decided to take a break for a few days just to get my head together and have some time to relax. As it was only a few days, I didn't feel the need to check in with my DH while I was away and now he is cross that I only got in touch to confirm my return date. WIBU?

Pretty much guarantee would get a chorus of sympathy for the woman and another chorus declaring that DH is either controlling or incompetent for needing DW to check in.

Kinder interpretation: could it be PND? Perhaps he needs some therapy to look at why fatherhood makes him feel purposeless. Maybe something from his own childhood?

Cynical interpretation: He's being selfish/checking out.

It's impossible to tell which is true, but looking at option 1 first seems sensible.

Red sky, the post from the woman would need to include 'dp is the baby's primary carer because I often work away and I keep telling him I'm unhappy in the relationship and wandering off. I feel its important I can express my feelings but dp shouldn't because it spoils my return.'

And even if it didn't have that I wouldn't be sympathetic in a "of course you should be allowed 4 days no contact with your dc and the person you love and your dp is unreasonable to not 100% be on board with this with no discussion" way. It would be more 'if you feel your life is meaningless and you can't cope without these total breaks see a GP' and 'if you expect to be able to walk away whenever you want for however long you want, expect your dp to wise up and move on, then you can be nc 80% of the time"