To never show a child drunkenness?

[loie]

Debate going on with me and DP.

AIBU to think a child shouldn't see a parent drunk growing up?
I never saw my mum drunk until I was 15! There was never any reason for me to see it and she always made sure I didn't.
I think it's quite scary and horrible for a child (under 12 especially) to see a parent drunk and hammered.
You have nights off, I think you should get drunk in your own time if you want to.
I also don't think children should see parents very often having a drink at night times. I don't think it's a problem on the weekend having a couple of drinks so long as you aren't getting drunk to the point you're behaving differently around them.
I think it's the same as they shouldn't be showed smoking and think it's normal, they shouldn't be showed people getting completely wasted or their parents behaving weird and not understanding the concept of alcohol or why.

DP doesn't understand my reasoning. Grew up with parents who drank heavily, says it never affected him and can't see how it'd affect a child or why it's a big deal.

I'm not looking to see if I'm completely right or he's completely wrong, I'm just looking to see if anyone else thinks I have a point or do I seem to wrap kids up in cotton wool?

I grew up with parents drinking a bottle of wine every night with dinner. Only seen them drunk a handful of times. Was told to drink responsibly ect. As a grew older I realised mum was an alcoholic didnt know until I was 14 and staying up later. I've only once drank until I passed out and never again. I still drink occasionally but never alot.

Yanbu. It's not healthy behaviour for them to see and potentially model, and it can certainly be frightening for them.

Was also given tastes of wine from about age 8. I dont like it around my children one or two is fine but not pissed.

YANBU. I don't drink and I wouldn't want my dc to see me drunk.

I think we're coming to the root of the problem for DP which is he knows his DM has issues with alcohol and he's worried that I'm going to make it difficult for our first DC together to be around there.

Completely agree. My dad was always drunk when we were kids and we were often sent to the pub to persuade him to come home for dinner. We were also taken to the pub A LOT and sat bored in the corner with a diet coke and a packet of crisps. It was shit and I still have issues around people being drunk around me.

I grew up in a hotel, all I ever saw was drunk people, including my parents on most nights. I grew up thinking this was normal I started behaving in the same way. It took an exceptional set of circumstances to make me realise I wanted better for my life and pretty much stopped drinking at that point. I honestly think it depends on the individual rather than the way you were brought up. But if I had to make a call on it I would say it does more harm than good as a fair few of the kids my age who were dragged to the pub by their parents are all doing the same thing with their own dc.

I think it depends, I never saw my parents hammered, they rarely drink, but I'd know they were a little bit tiddly at NYE for example. I'm talking above the drink drive limit (they weren't driving), but not by much. I think it was ok, it showed me moderation was fine.

I agree. My dd has regularly seen me having a glass of wine or two but not drinking all the time and she has never seen me drunk (although drinking to excess is a very rare thing for me anyway!).

She has obviously seen lots of other people drunk and really disapproves!!

I completely agree, I can’t tell you how damaging it was to see my father drunk every night. I would never be drunk in front of my children - they need stability and normality to feel safe.

YANBU. Grew up with an alcoholic father and still have traumatic memories of him being off his face. You’re right, it is scary and horrible for a kid.

I don't drink (anymore). I have to say, my parenting was shit when I was drunk. It generally involved me allowing them hours of uninterrupted tablet time to allow me free time to get smashed. Really irresponsible and one huge reason to quit.

I don't drink but DH does. Even at an event he might have a couple too many he's just as easy going so won't traumatise DC. Alcohol has never been taboo at home. We have three DC, with only one now an adult (23) and he drinks maybe a couple of times a year, amongst his group of friends he isn't unusual. He sees it as a waste of money.

Depends how you act around them when you’re drunk. My children had never seen me drunk until my birthday this year (not particularly a drinker due to stomach issues) when my husband organised a surprise party. After several shots and goodness knows how many drinks, they did! They were 11,9 & 7 and actually now keep asking me to get drunk again because I was really funny and their friends (some where at the party with parents) think I’m hilarious!
Probably better that children are exposed to a sensible relationship with alcohol than see examples like mines. Also they are exposed to so much on T.V that I feel it’s better to grow up in “real life” and know that a lot of things are dramatised for T.V!

YANBU

My parents would have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner or a can of beer with an occasion take away, but I’ve never seen them drunk.

I don’t think parents need to be teetotal because I think it can be good to show responsible alcohol consumption rather than it being forbidden. But I don’t think children should see their parents drunk, especially when they’re young.

I've never seen either of my parents drunk and my DD won't be seeing either of her parents drunk (we don't really drink anyway). DP's Dad was an alcoholic so it's something he's quite strict about.

My parents liked good wine but never saw them drunk. Except once on a campsite when mum misunderstood the strength of sangria in Spain. We got back to our tent and she threw dried spaghetti all over the tent shouting “make your own tea” then went for a lie down. It was actually quite impressive as usually the perfect dutiful mum

I think its about exposure to a healthy relationship with alcohol- not hiding it away like some huge taboo, but not being smashed in front of kids either. Grown ups can have a beer/wine but its not for children and too much is bad for you.

We were in traffic the other day and watched some guy off his face try to start a fight with a lamppost and had to explain to DC that that could be the consequence of drinking too much...they werent impressed!!

@MsTSwift your mum sounds brilliant!

There's an absolute world of difference between being completely hammered and being a bit merry.

Being hammered round kids is not on, but I can't get annoyed with adults that get a bit tipsy and loud on occasion.

This is an interesting thread.

I think being drunk around children normalises it. It's especially bad if you're a bad drunk. I think this effect would possibly be even worse with teenagers as they are at an age where they have the means to go out and copy you if they really want to.

However I do think that modelling responsible drinking has merit. Having a glass of wine with dinner and then nothing afterwards is a good example to set. Although I suppose if you do it regularly you are teaching your children to drink every day...

Also I'd be fine with getting a bit pissed on Christmas day later on, or on NYE, and I don't think it does kids any harm if they happen to see that for those very rare occasions.

I'm rambling. I don't know how I feel about it. Eagerly watching other people's responses to see what other's are doing.

My kids have seen me drunk at weddings and the like, more tipsy than smashed though - I can hold my alcohol and never get slurry and repetitive or anything, just a bit loud and merry!

They think it's fun and quite like it tbh.

At one of the weddings their dad and his partner were there too, she fell over twice and cut her knees badly so they did get to see the flipside that time!

Children learn from what they see their parents doing.

If my sons grow up drinking in the same way DH and I do, then that will be excellent.

We both enjoy a drink, in appropriate circumstances and (usually) in moderation.

TBH I feel like both DH and I have our shit together in most aspects of our lives, so again, if the boys grow up to be like us then I will consider that a job well done.

It is pretty good being me.

YAnbu

My ex drank about 80-100 units a week, every week. He was drunk regularly.

In the end I left because I didn’t want ds thinking that was normal.
So I agree with you

I never drank in front of my DD, only on nights out with friends when she was at home in bed. However we had a big bbq / housewarming a few months ago and I ended up mixing cocktails during the day and got much more drunk than I meant to. She was really upset by it and I feel terrible. We have spoken at length about it (because she is 10 and understands explanations). I have tried to explain that it is fine to drink a little bit but if you have too much it can build up and make you drunk. And I have apologised at length too. I have tried to reassure her that I won’t do that again but now when I go out at night (and leave her with the Sitter) she gets worried and upset and asks me not to drink in case I get drunk. She really didn’t like seeing me act so different (even though nothing bad happened). I used to see my parents drunk a lot as a child and found it annoying rather than upsetting but based on my DD’s reaction, I will be very careful not to get drunk around her again.