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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who won’t pay to get in anywhere

68 replies

StripeySocks29 · 09/07/2019 20:20

My parents are coming to visit this weekend, it’s a 6 hour drive to get here and I know we’re going to have to spend Saturday and Sunday either at the local garden centre or going to one of the small, boring towns nearby and walking around the shops, because they will not pay to get in anywhere or go anywhere that you have to pay for parking.

We’ve got at least 4 National Trust places the same distance away as the nearest town centre, plus a theme park and a couple of kids petting zoo type things. But if I suggest taking a picnic to any of them they always say it’s too expensive, yet they’ll walk around the town centre buying tat that they don’t need and spending at more on lunch at a chain restaurant than it would have cost to get in somewhere, so it’s not that they can’t afford it.

It was the same when we were kids, I can’t remember even once going somewhere that you had to pay to get in.

AIBU to be sick of them being so tight?

OP posts:

hondagirl500 · 10/07/2019 15:13

My hubby is a bit like this.

If ever on holiday I insist on at least one 'visit' to make me feel as though I have experienced the place properly - Eiffel Tower, Sagrada Familia, Gondola ride in Venice etc. But there have been many times I have had to just 'look' - he resents paying and queuing for ANYTHING. For those things above, I buy the tickets on-line, in advance so we don't have to Q, and then he can't moan (or at least not as much).
Sometimes its easier to just leave him at home - I went to Westminster Abbey on my own, and also New York!

dottiedodah · 10/07/2019 15:36

Solitude at Altitude I genuinely love NT places.I dont find them "Twee" at all .Lots of History, and lovely Beaches /Castles ,whats not to like?Stripey Socks .As far as in laws are concerned , treat them to a nice NT place near you, and see what they say when they are in there .Lots of older people can be like this. I think it stems from having to be careful when they were children, and watched their own parents struggling?!(On here recently ,cheaper to join Scottish NT and still covers admission to English properties!)

MissCharleyP · 10/07/2019 16:03

I also have a friend who refuses to pay for parking in the city centre even though she earns about 4 x my wage. I’d had my hair done one particular day and went to meet her and stay overnight, we were then going for lunch the next day in the city. I had spent £££ on my hair and usually don’t wash it/restyle for 2-3 days after. As we were getting closer it was looking like it was going to chuck it down. I begged could we please park on the indoor car park, instead of the street that was about 2 miles outside the city. She moaned about the cost (£12 as it was Sunday) and I pulled a twenty out and said “FFS. Just bloody park where we're going!” It got the message across (but she still took the money!).

A few weeks ago DH and I went to a nearby seaside town that has a park and ride for £2.50. As we were finding a space we saw an older couple sat by their car in fold out deckchairs having a picnic. I couldn’t believe it as 1) there is a park across the road and 2) there are plenty of cafes and places to eat in the town, as plenty of elderly people visit they are generally quite cheap to eat in. Unbelievable!

Idontwanttotalk · 10/07/2019 16:28

Maybe they don't enjoy visiting NT properties. I know I don't - I much prefer the outside of the properties to the inside so wouldn't want to waste an entrance fee on them. I think zoos are cruel (and over-priced).

Can you not think of something else you would all enjoy?

Loudlady34 · 10/07/2019 16:53

Are you talking about my parents? Lol. My eldest is 8 now and we see my parents every week. In 8 years we have only been to Chester zoo with them. I don't think my dad will ever stop moaning about the cost of that!!
Everything they do has to be free, and he's a millionaire!! He tells me that's why he's a millionaire! I don't think you should be out spending all the time and there are lots of things you can do for free. But sometimes they would rather miss out than pay. They will talk about something that they'd really like to see or do or go to, but as soon as they find out the cost they won't go.

Loudlady34 · 10/07/2019 16:59

Just thinking back to when I was a child, my parents could easily afford stuff. We never went anywhere that you had to pay admission unless you got a voucher or something. A few times they sneaked me in so as not to pay.
Weve driven round for ages arguing whilst dad tried to find a parking space in seaside resorts because he refused to pay on a carpark. I don't think he's ever paid parking his whole life. Have never been able to eat in a cafe, pub or restaurant either. We had to take sandwiches everywhere and they still do now.
They have a static caravan in Wales. They could afford to buy a beautiful one. Theirs is 30 years old, the oldest on the camp, my mum is embarrassed and won't let anyone visit. There's being miserly and then suffering for it. Drives me mad. Which in turn made me the opposite because when I left home I was free!! I spent money like there was no tomorrow and still do!

shumway · 10/07/2019 17:02

My dad is like this too.

zonkin · 10/07/2019 17:40

My parents are also very "careful" with money. My mum would drive for ages to a supermarket to save 2 pence. Not really taking account of the extra cost in petrol to get there.....She can't bear the thought of being ripped off.

She was visiting once and the Ocado delivery came (in the days when they did a paper receipt). She practically snatched the receipt out of my hand and then went on and on at me for days about how I must need my head testing because I spent x amount on potatoes, and I could have saved y amount by going to that is situated 10 miles away.

Definitely won't pay for parking even though my dad can't actually walk that far.

We don't take her to eat out any more. Even if we insist on paying for them, she'll spend the entire meal moaning about the expense and that she could have cooked it at home for x amount. It rather sucks the joy out of it.

Apparently anything that costs more than it did in 1972 is a complete rip off.

If I buy anything, her first question is always "How much did that cost?". I actually lie so that she won't go on and on at me.

A result of that upbringing means that I do probably spend too much. But I would rather enjoy life.

IrmaFayLear · 10/07/2019 17:40

Yesterday I encountered a prize pair. I was going into an exhibition, price £5. The woman on the desk explained that there was an entrance fee of £5 to the exhibition (the rest of the place was free entry). The couple were quite belligerent and said they'd take a look at the exhibition first to see if it was worth seeing (!). The desk lady was a bit taken aback and said no, they'd have to buy tickets. The man stood foursquare in the doorway and said he was going to look in at the exhibition for free; he wasn't paying.

It's fine deciding not to pay an entrance fee, but making a song and dance about it and trying to sneak in - not fine. I bet this pair take their own tea bags to cafes and ask for cups and hot water (for nothing).

LellyMcKelly · 10/07/2019 18:07

If they’re driving places for 6 hours you should go to places they want to go to, not you. You have no idea if they even like NT places. The odd one now and again is fine, but for a lot of people they’re quite boring. So, you know they don’t like paying to get in and they don’t like paying for parking - that literally makes them happy. That’s what they actively want to do. So:

Are any of the following nearby:

A playpark
A common
A forest
A museum
A country fair or car boot sale
A beach or port
Some interesting local monuments

You can bring picnics to all of those, they’re free or cheap, and the kids will like them.

I remember realising that my parents pottered around towns and went for coffee every day because that’s whey liked to do. They still like to do it. It makes them happy. Yours don’t need anything else except to spend time with you and the grandchildren. And to be fair, a 6 hour drive can knock the stuffing out of people for a day or two. They probably just want to do a few fairly gentle things before having to prepare for the trip back.

LellyMcKelly · 10/07/2019 18:09

When my mum visits she’d honestly prefer to come with us to Tesco to get ham than wander round someone else’s stately home for 4 hours.

Yessers · 10/07/2019 18:22

If I gave someone a lift and put them up for the night and they used it as an opportunity to make out I was tight for preferring to walk a couple of miles than to pay £12 parking I wouldn't give them a lift or invite them back to my house again. Manners do not cost anything.
Also, thinking walking 2 miles is even a walk is why people are so unfit and overweight.

Original poster

StripeySocks29 · 10/07/2019 19:00

Thanks for all the replies, to everyone suggesting they wouldn’t like NT, it was only one example and they’re my parents, I wouldn’t suggest somewhere I thought they wouldn’t like!

I just can’t understand driving all this way to then spend a day wandering around TK Max and M&S when they have that at home, and it would be much nicer for the kids to have fun exploring somewhere with their grandparents than being dragged around the shops.

OP posts:

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/07/2019 19:57

People like this often end up with plenty of savings BECAUSE they choose not to spend unnecessarily, and they like the safety net of having those savings.

Their choice, I expect they regard you as lavish, or wasteful, or poor with money by comparison

IrmaFayLear · 11/07/2019 09:45

As others have said, this is fete season. Yes, you might have to spend a bit of money once in there, but entrance is cheap and that might suit people who are a bit "near" (a Dickens term which I like!). You can google any that are on locally.

zonkin · 11/07/2019 14:02

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland - for sure my mother thinks I am wasteful and lavish. She's quite vocal about it.

She does have savings but I'd like to see her enjoy life a bit more. Her parsimony does suck the joy out of some events. I don't think it would be so bad if she didn't insist on pointing out what she considers over spending at every opportunity.

gotmychocolateimgood · 11/07/2019 14:07

Are there any country parks near you?

We have 3 locally. All have at least one adventure playground, cafe, toilets, acres of space to play games. One also has a beach, another has a go ape facility, another has a model railway. They are about £5 to park for the day. Ice cream vans and trails for £2 ish. Could be what you all would enjoy?

michaelbaubles · 11/07/2019 14:19

I'm not good at paying for days out. There are stately home places near us - not top-tier quality - where we'd easily pay £30 for us all to get in, for what? So the DC can run about on the grass, we can get a coffee, and look at some fairly dull interiors that the kids will race past and not let us appreciate? I'd rather take the kids to the park with a flask for free and not come out feeling like I've not had any value for money from the day. Ditto any "experience" type place - with the exception of Eureka, which was really fun, I've never been to one i can hand on heart say was worth the entrance fee. Take The Deep in Hull - it's lovely but you have to pay for parking and we were round in about 30 minutes. Then we walked into town and spent longer in free museums nearby.

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