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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who won’t pay to get in anywhere

68 replies

StripeySocks29 · 09/07/2019 20:20

My parents are coming to visit this weekend, it’s a 6 hour drive to get here and I know we’re going to have to spend Saturday and Sunday either at the local garden centre or going to one of the small, boring towns nearby and walking around the shops, because they will not pay to get in anywhere or go anywhere that you have to pay for parking.

We’ve got at least 4 National Trust places the same distance away as the nearest town centre, plus a theme park and a couple of kids petting zoo type things. But if I suggest taking a picnic to any of them they always say it’s too expensive, yet they’ll walk around the town centre buying tat that they don’t need and spending at more on lunch at a chain restaurant than it would have cost to get in somewhere, so it’s not that they can’t afford it.

It was the same when we were kids, I can’t remember even once going somewhere that you had to pay to get in.

AIBU to be sick of them being so tight?

OP posts:

HappilyHarridan · 09/07/2019 23:06

They’re traveling 6 hours to see you, you should definitely treat them to tickets to places you want to go!

Notnownotneverever · 09/07/2019 23:12

Can't you just explain to them that the price of lunch is the same as the admission fee and have an adult conversation with them?

JADS · 09/07/2019 23:21

YANBU. My pil (and dh to a lesser extent) are like this. Boring days spent wandering around shops not buying anything then a 'meal out' (said in hushed tones like it is the most decadent thing ever) at a Weatherspoons. I barely see them now. Life is too short to be miserable.

DianaT1969 · 09/07/2019 23:23

Another vote for you hosting as a grown up and buying some entrance tickets in advance They are travelling 6 hours to see you. That's dedication, effort and expense

I would assume they've known times when money was tight and this is a hang up from that.
I'm not a foodie, so don't enjoy going to expensive restaurants. Others might think it is totally worth it to splash out. Everyone to his own...

SarahAndQuack · 09/07/2019 23:31

Also, I don't actually like NT places (twee, smug and no dogs allowed)

Dogs are allowed in at least some of them? I've not yet been to one where dogs weren't allowed.

@StripeySocks29, they remind me of my parents. However, I do think you are unfair to say they buy tat they don't need so they could therefore afford entry to these places - who are you to say how they want to spend their money? If they like buying tat, then why not?

(Still think telling them it is free - because you've already bought entry - is the way to go!)

Buddytheelf85 · 09/07/2019 23:32

They also never ever buy anything full price in the shops, but will buy tons of crap they’ll never use if it’s got a discount sticker on, it must be psychological.

Omg, this is my mum. Tight as a duck’s arse, but whack a discount or sale sticker on some crap nobody needs - a battered box of Christmas baubles in a disgusting colour or a foul-smelling scented candle or something - and she’ll pounce on it.

KittyWindbag · 09/07/2019 23:40

I don’t think you are being unreasonable in the slightest. It’s your weekend too, they’re being selfish. My granddad is 100 percent like this. He recently went on and on at my mum about wanting to visit a particular historical city. She didn’t really want to go as she’s been before but she took him because she wants to spend time together doing things he likes, and she’s at her wits end. She drove all the way there with him and they did fuck all because he refused to go into the cathedral because you had to pay.

What do people expect? All these lovely places and things require upkeep.

Breathlessness · 09/07/2019 23:42

Buy them a joint NT membership for Christmas/Birthday/their Anniversary. Then it would be a waste not to visit the places near you when they come to stay

schnubbins · 09/07/2019 23:48

My FIL is like that but only on holidays funnily enough.Once when we lived in California I drove them from San Francisco down to Carmel, so about a 2.5 hour drive .I got parking in a parking lot about 20 min walk from the town centre.It cost a dollar an hour.I only had one dollar in change and I asked him to give me another dollar so that we could take our time and he said no that he would walk back to the car and pay the extra dollar if we ended up staying longer.i was fuming.I drove 5 hrs in total to stay an less than an hour in a really pretty town
Other than that he has also sat outside museums and castles in various places because he just refuses to pay to enter .the fact that all these places are still there because the money is used to finance their upkeep falls on deaf ears.He is a war child so i give him the benefit of the doubt (sometimes)

Mammajay · 09/07/2019 23:51

I don't mind paying for parking or cinema or theatre if I expect to like the performance. I am more reluctant to pay for NT ( boring) or museums and galleries ( the ones you pay for are often not very good).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/07/2019 23:51

Urgh what kid wants to be trailed round shops all day? Tell them "we are going here, here are your tickets, are you coming?"

Bookworm4 · 09/07/2019 23:58

Why are people pushing NT? They allow fox hunting on their land; wouldn’t give them a penny 🙁

leiderhosen · 10/07/2019 00:01

If you always spend the time with your parents walking round the shops, then I'm not surprised you're bored. Surely there should be a compromise. One day doing what you want and the other day, doing the garden centre or shops. I'd use the children as an excuse. We have to do what they enjoy, at least one of the times.

thegreylady · 10/07/2019 08:20

My dd buys us NT membership as part of our Christmas present every year. Maybe you could do that for your parents.

NoSauce · 10/07/2019 08:35

It’s their mindset, you won’t change it unfortunately. I would say we’re going to a NC for a picnic/day out and that I would pay for them personally, rather than tracking round the town.

LastInTheQueue · 10/07/2019 12:53

Other than paying yourself, I don’t think there’s anything else to be done.

My ex-PILs were like this. We once had to park outside town and catch a bus in because they did not want to pay for a car park (I said I’d pay btw). A bus for four people cost more than 3hrs parking.

There was also the time they stopped at a supermarket on the way to a lovely French seaside town. They wanted to buy plastic sandwiches for a picnic. Which they dutifully ate while sitting on a car park bench, while I waved to them from my table at the cheap and delicious seafood restaurant I found. I told them I’d pay for lunch, but they were insistent on not “wasting” their pre-packaged sandwiches.
My lunch was delicious btw.
Sometimes life is just too short and in trying to save a penny or two, you a) end up spending more, and b) suck all the joy out of things.

Shoxfordian · 10/07/2019 12:59

Sounds annoying
Just buy the tickets for them and say its your treat

Oldraver · 10/07/2019 13:06

We had a family friend like this, very well off but wouldn't part with a penny if he had too.

One time he wouldn't pay to get into a bird of prey place so wandered around while we were in there. I can still see his face eating an ice cream trying to look over the gate while we watched a flying display.

He had three ice creams, equivalent to the entrance fee while we were in there

Loopytiles · 10/07/2019 13:12

Bird of prey places are horrible. Ice cream is a far better use of money!

5foot5 · 10/07/2019 13:27

Kind of surprised how many people rule out the whole of NT as boring. They are not all the same you know!

Also many of the places near us have large parkland and you can pay a parking fee then spend all day just roaming, picknicking and playing if that's what you prefer.

PILs had friends like this and complained that when they holidayed with them they missed out on so much because they had such an aversion to paying. E.g. went to Versailles but wouldn't pay to go in the palace; went to Avignon but wouldn't go in the Palais de Papes, went to Venice but refused to go in a gondola etc. Ironically these people were really well off.

itsallgoingsouth · 10/07/2019 13:41

My parents were like this. It was almost pathological and probably came from their insecurity and poor backgrounds.

We took them out one day and when we suggested going into a cafe for a cup of tea they refused even when we offered to pay. They said we could go in and they'd wait outside! Why? Tea is 'free' at home! Just ridiculous. Too mean, too proud, too out of touch with the going rate for things. Spoils it for others but they consider it a principled stand against exploitation, FFS.

cptartapp · 10/07/2019 14:00

PIL are like this and they didn't grow up poor!. Only ever eating where they've got a voucher for, usually Harvester, refusing to pay for hot tea from a van on a long cold day out (because they had a flask back in the car half an hour away), trudging the streets with difficulty because they won't pay for parking. All the while thousands and thousands sit untouched in the bank. Tight.

BlueMerchant · 10/07/2019 14:09

YANBU.
My OH's relatives do this.
Take soggy sandwiches and flasks of tea rather than go in a cafe on 'treat' days out at local seaside where they will share a fish from the fish shop and allow DC to get chips only!
Refuse to go to events/shows if there's an enterance fee.
Park miles away.
Spend hours doing the weekly shop going between supermarkets depending what's on offer they need at each one.
Yet they go on extravagant holidays- maybe that's how they can afford to!

dontgobaconmyheart · 10/07/2019 14:10

At the end of the day OP, frustrating though it might be- they're adults and can do what they want with their own money. Trying to spend it for them or scrutinising what they buy isn't necessary, you don't need to make sense of what they buy, it only needs to make sense to them.

I have NT membership and it's used a lot but it is true that entry prices without are extortionate, and some of the places are just parks really or a quick visit rather than a day trip. I wouldn't put their historical or art information on the same level as a museum either in the majority of instances. We love having it for the beautiful gardens and views and live nearby to some of the properties we most love to visit but I can see why others would find it boring. All their shops and cafes are the same, it's very identikit and the accessibility irks me.

I think you're right to just pay, if you want them to go, or gift a membership for xmas/birthday if you really believe they would happily go if it were free.

AnnaMagnani · 10/07/2019 14:20

So you have met my ILs then?

Identical, except they don't buy the tat. Insist on parking miles from anywhere - fine when I first met them, bonkers as FIL became more and more doddery. Never go anywhere that charges, have looked at stately homes outside from the car park and then gone away.

DH inherited this tendency but I have beaten it out of him.

In comparison my DM is never short of companionship as she has a disabled parking badge, National Trust and Historic Houses memberships. Her mates are fighting to take her as they can park at the front, get in free as her 'carer' and they all head straight for the cafe and giftshop

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