To have snapped

[woodlock75]

I imagine I am being unreasonable because I'm 6 months pregnant but hey. I work one day a week at DH's company. It gets me out the house, makes me feel like my life is more important than dirty nappies. There are a team of about 7 people who all do the same role, and I sort of slot into their team most of the time (unless other things desperately need doing).

Anyway, there is one girl (she's about 25) and she drives me crazy. Constantly complaining about work. How heavy her workload is (she actually does a hell of a lot less than everyone else), how much harder her workload is than everyone else's (the work is exactly the same), you cannot have a conversation with her without her talking about herself. She is physically incapable of asking anybody else a question about themselves, and every conversation is completely one sided. I walked to the shop with her the other day (45 min round trip) and I think said about 4 words because she just incessantly talks about herself. She's one of those people who if you have been to Tenerife, she's been to eleven-erife.

I came in 5 days last week because somebody was off sick. By the end of the week I was utterly drained by her. I came in today for my usual day and by 10am she was driving me crazy. She's just been screeching in my ear for 35 solid minutes about how stressful her workload is and how much harder the work she gets us and I have just snapped at her 'DO YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF' and stormed off. I am now sat in the disabled loos having a little cry because I feel bad for snapping but she was driving me up the wall. I know this was long, but I just needed to get it off my chest. Feel a bit guilty having a bitch about one of his employees so can't really talk to DH about it

Flipping out at work is never a good thing, and I think it's best you mention it to your DH (or your manager if he's not). It would be good to apologise to DH for your behaviour rather than keeping it hidden. Especially if she ends up claiming stress etc.

As the boss's wife, you do have a responsibility to the company. It's your livelihood too in the end. Is her behaviour disruptive, or is it just you personally? From what you mention there are 2 things. The bragging/Ego-chat, which is a personality trait and, however irritating, never a good thing to attack someone's personality. But the other trait: Wailing for hours about the workload and level. Does she actually do any work, at a decent level, does she bring the team down, etc etc.If that behaviour is affecting her work and that of others, it should be dealt with asap. Constructively (no hormones allowed ) She's young, dealing with this at the start of her career will, even if it's a bit embarrassing for her, help her no end.

So you, as the boss’s wife who works one day a week, had a go at a full-time employee, simply because you don’t like her chat. She didn’t actually do anything wrong here...it just so happens that she annoys you.
Must be great being in a position to be able to be rude to the staff like that with no threat of recrimination.
I’m sure the woman concerned feels absolutely torn to shreds now...but little she can do about it hey?

You wouldn’t dare behave like that to a colleague in another workplace and your pregnancy is no excuse.

Ah well you'll have given everyone else loads to gossip about - I'd be loving the drama as the work load sounds quite dry.

I think - well done! This was my scenario while pregnant (that was yonks ago mind you). I had to work opposite this girl who was very nice but talked about herself and her family and her activities constantly, always interrupting and going one better - plus she was so negative and moaned about everyone and everything! Banging and slamming stuff down etc. One day I couldn't take the noise and stress and burst into tears and took myself off to the loos.
When I came back she just stared at me. I said "Sorry but I'm not sure if you realise none of us can get a word in and you always look on the black side". She didn't change. But she did have a stroke at the age of 25 and people speculated if it was because she was always so wound up.

By the way OP, I love that if you went to Tenerife she's been to eleven-orife!! HAHA I am using that in future!

I think you were perfectly justified, the girl needed to be told. Hopefully others will tell her too and she'll think before opening her mouth. I agree it would have been better to just say it without snapping but it's done now and it might have made her realise how stupid she has been, especially if you are someone who doesn't usually lose her cool.

Please don't worry any more about it, you only did what a lot of people probably wanted to do.
Relax with

“I think you were justified, the girl needed to be told.”

How the hell do you know?

Theirs loads of people like that, I've met thousands. if shes that bad then the manager of the office needs to tell her straight or your DH should tell her.
I don't think it was for you to tell her really, but I can see where you are coming from because its horrible when someone is self obsessed and you have to listen all the time. She needs to meet my neighbour she will better you on anything, every time.

Every single workplace has some twat who can only speak from their own anus. We all just have to grit our teeth and maintain politeness.
Unless you are the boss’s wife of course. Then you let rip because you know you can.

Then you let rip because you know you can without the fear of being sacked and not being able to pay the bills.

Finished that for you @pictish

If she's 25 she's a woman, all this girl stuff is extremely patronising

also yeah what pictish said

Oh bloody hell. You said what everyone else would be thinking well done for glossing over it and carry on.

I was only saying to DH the other day that so many people I bump into only ever talk at me about themselves, I do tend to deflect and ask them how they how do it could be my fault but I can’t get a word in. It’s all me me me me me!

I'm guessing this is your first child, OP? Because if you already had kids you'd already be an expert at switching your ears/brain off during 45-minute journeys and just saying "oh yeah?", "really?", "wow, that's amazing" every few minutes.

I'm assuming it's not her first child. This one a day a week is to get out of the house away from dirty nappies.

I'm going against the grain as I think you were unfair and rude - this is her job, even if it's just a break from childcare to you.
Why haven't you or anyone else asked dh to have a word by now?

In the real world of not being the bosses wife, you would have been hauled over the coals for being unprofessional and not trying to resolve things in a civil manner before following company procedures. Very few people have the privilege of being able to yell at their co-workers.

I'm assuming it's not her first child. This one a day a week is to get out of the house away from dirty nappies

Oh yeah. Well, give it a few years OP and you'll be an expert.

How professional is this 25 year old employee being by constantly whining and whinging about her workload to all and sundry and especially the wife of the boss? How about the 25 year old just got on with the work in hand instead of spending 35 minutes talking about it? If this employee has a legitimate grievance about her work load she should take it up with those in a position to do something about it rather than moan and whinge constantly to those who can't.

Can you imagine what workplaces would be like if we all just snapped and lost our shit at annoying people? Yes the employee should stop, she sounds exhausting, but in no work place (outside Eastenders) is it acceptable to yell at a colleague and I'd hazard a guess that if the OP wasn't the bosses wife she would have known she had to hold it together and would have managed.

I think livebythecoast has got it right. Sometimes you have to 'sod calm and get angry' and it sounds like it was justified under the circs. You also got a bigger dose of her than normal last week and had just had enough. Don't be too hard on yourself - it may make her stop and think.

Sorry I said 'girl' instead of woman, I didn't mean anything negative by it.

Also I know nothing about this issue except what the op has written and am prepared to believe her but I wasn't there, neither was anyone else on here as far as I know. I don't want the op to be beating herself up because she had a momentary lapse in the form of a 'snap'; crying in the toilet shows she wishes she hadn't, feels bad about it.

@ginghamtablecloths - great minds think alike 🤗

Meh, can't get worked up on the behalf of the 25-year-old, especially after the OP apologized for her outburst. If she's going on and on as the OP says, it was only a matter of time before someone snapped at her, and maybe this will help her see how she's coming across to others. She might benefit from the startling knowledge that people don't like incessant whining.

Also, it's never particularly tactful to complain endlessly about work while at work, but to do so to the boss's wife?

I'd tell her if she stfu and stopped moaning about how hard her work is and how much work she had to, she might actually get through it.

Or is it too hard and she's incapable of doing the job, in which case, would she like to resign?

So who is the 25yr olds immediate superior, and why haven’t they picked up on the fact that she isn’t doing the job she’s paid to do but talking instead? I think there are grounds for a verbal warning to the woman. There is no point employing her if everyone else is picking up her slack. They could say to her that unless there is a marked improvement in her work output they will have to let her go. She might apply herself and shut up if she thinks she could lose her job.