To be devastated my dads getting married?

[ilovecheese1]

His been with her about 3 years, never been married before not even to mine & my sisters mum. She’s obsessed with how she looks, hair extensions, nails, a boob job, face lift. You name it, she’s had it - or she wants it. She’s not interested in our kids at all (dads granddaughters) she’s obsessed with germs when we’re all quite outdoorsy. I’m just utterly devastated after he told us they’re marrying next year. I can’t decide if it’s selfish of my dad to marry someone we all dislike or if it’s selfish of us to expect him not to. She’s just literally how the intolerable step mum is portrayed in films & I love my dad 😣

I imagine it'll be hurting that he never married the woman he had children with yet is happy to marry a woman he's known for 3 years.

I think you'll have to accept that he's happy and he's going to marry her, maybe even try to get to know her, accept her a bit more. She's obviously not your type of woman and doesn't care for grandchildren but don't let her come between your relationship with your father and that of his grandchildren.

He's made it through the children-stage and have grandchildren-stay without marrying so it's not his thing. They could end up not even marrying, it's still a year away...

I'd have to go with the majority and say yabu.
Just because she is not what you would chose for your dad doesn't mean he can't choose her. Maybe you need to try a bit harder, it sounds like you have been generally very defensive from the off and no doubt she has picked up on that. And if she's not interested in children then she just isn't, there's no law that says she has to be - would you rather that she forced that? Maybe if you act like an adult instead of a spoilt child she will begin to build a bond with your child. Let your dad be happy for goodness sake.

Why dont you draw a line under things and try to get to know her? Yes the past 3 years haven't been good but that doesnt mean the future cant be. So she's had a boob job - so what... there's probably loads of other aspects to her.

Why dont you ask your dad and her to go for a pub meal and some drinks, I bet your dad would be over the moon to do something like that. Try and have a fresh start. Life is short, wouldn't it be better if you all got along? Imagine that? Good luck.

I suppose I am more similar to the OP's father in this.
My AC only called at my house to drop DGC off to be babysit. Most invitations to their houses was for babysitting too.
They did not seek my approval when they chose their partners and I would not have dared to be truthful about my views on their choices.
When I met my partner, having brought them up alone since they were tiny, they were piling on the babysitting and other demands. They never kept me company and expected me to babysit at any time.
I met my partner I was taken out to places and this interfered with babysitting and they threw tantrums.

I don't babysit now. I still go out with my partner. His family have all been polite and warm to me. My AC are only ever seen shouting swearing and having tantrums. Maybe you OP need to look at how father puts in his time. Was he included in your lives? Was he kept company much through the weeks? Did he get annoyed with your choice of partner?
Your father is a person and deserves to enjoy his life.

@Shewhomustgowithoutname Well said!

The facts here, are that he has chosen someone quite different to your mum presumably.Not everyone is "outdoorsy "Im afraid!.Can you not meet her on some common ground at all?.The fact that your Dad loves her, and wants to marry her must mean she has at least some redeeming features?.If he marries her and you dislike her ,she will sense this and it could make things difficult for you and the children, so it would be worth a shot .You dont need to be best buddies but if you can get along it will make life for you and your dad a lot easier in the long run!