My wedding was shit, aibu feeling like this?

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With our first anniversary approaching I'm feeling all down again. We got married last year and it was sooo stressful. Firstly I had my sd 13 tell me she hated me 2 weeks before, it came as a shock and I was really upset. Then my husband to be just one week before the wedding had a heart attack and was in hospital having heart surgery. Against my better judgment we didn't cancel it, the drs said he would make it, the money we had spent was ridiculous, so it was hard to cancel.
My dad died the Xmas before and my mum died 2 years before that. Then my sister who has always let me down in the past said she wasn't coming because her dp couldn't make it 🤷‍♀️. I was devastated. I had a few family members there but people I wasn't really close to. I felt sad on the day but kept smiling. It also decided to rain allllll day, we had that fantastic summer and it was one of the only days it rained and rained!
My husband obviously wasn't himself he was tired and it wasn't the day it was supposed to be as I just wanted to get him through it and look after him. He managed to make a speech but and I know he was ill but I just felt he didn't mention me at all . Yeh I know that sounds selfish and at the time I don't think I thought too much but now it's just another horrible memory. We had to cancel our honeymoon as he couldn't fly, I said to him we have all our life to go don't worry but now it's just another thing on top.
We've had an up and down year with his health and mine suffered too tbh. He has been tired and not feeling great so he has been so moody not his fault but I'm just saying it's been tough!

Surely though I should be grateful he's still alive we had a nice day ish it's just one day it's the marriage that's the important bit right! But no I don't feel like that.... why? And AIBU!!!!

Yanbu

I feel similar about my wedding last year due to DC in hospital the week of the wedding and other stresses going on with family.

My DH is sad that I look back on it with some regrets so I try not to mention it but one day I think we will do a celebration of sorts.
I really wanted to do a handfasting and think That would be a good idea of renewing vows in some years to come

I had a horrible wedding day back in 1998, so much so I set fire to all my wedding photos in a fit of rage! I never really got over the shameful embarrassment of it all. Firstly, my Dad didn't want to come as he didn't want to take time off work (we don't get on!), my Ex had 4 sisters who weirdly all wore red jackets on the day and I did too so it looked like a Redcoats Convention! Add to this the 75 photos of me smiling with a piece of chive in my teeth and no-one told me. I have to admit I didn't look at bride and at the reception people were taken pictures of a guest thinking SHE was the bride because she looked more of a bride than me. Add to this my Ex was violently ill in the bathroom all night due to drinking to much whiskey. Finally, finding out about 4 weeks later that my mum who was tipsy on wine had spent the evening asking all the men if they'd slept with me! I haven't been able to feel the same about my mother since!

My friend missed his own wedding reception because he was in A&E due to a severe allergy.

There's so much expectation that a wedding day will be this magical fairytale day and the best day of your life but sometimes it doesn't work out that way but of course it's upsetting. Also as you've had a tough year that doesn't help. I know it's difficult with health issues and such but can you plan some things to look forward to?

It's a shame that your wedding wasn't what you wished for. I think that many of us look back with at least a little disappointment, mine wasn't perfect either. I try to concentrate my thoughts on the marriage instead which is more important.

I would consider renewing, but doing it just the two of you, or maybe with the kids, as there’s less to stress about then.

Yanbu i've been feeling like this. Ive changed so much since my wedding so its normal id do things different. Its only a day and too much focus is put on it in my opinion.

I'm sorry you had such a rough experience OP. FWIW I know so many women who ending up not enjoying their wedding days, even when everything went according to plan. Myself and DH actually eloped after spending a year getting stressed about wedding planning, so we quit and decided to elope to a favourite city destination. While I love how our actual wedding went, I still feel a bit of wistful regret that we didn't do the ceremony/reception thing even though I know that I would have spent the day feeling extreme anxiety and stress.

The thing is that bloody weddings are built up into this massive life event experience so that many people end up feeling they didn't have the experience they were hoping for.

My advice OP, Open up a savings account and put a little in each month and aim for a big anniversary (5th, 10th anniversary etc) and renew your vows with a big party or at a destination. So the next time you feel down about how your wedding went you can think about how great your future event will be.

Aw, that sounds horrible

Mine was rubbish too, we had a big falling out about potentially moving for jobs that overshadowed the ceremony and honeymoon. Also my MIL drove me a bit mad on the day.

Five years later though I mainly remember it in a positive light as I am glad we are married. There certainly were nice things about the day too.

I have caught myself by surprise a couple of times looking at the photos and seeing how tired and fat I look in them :-/

Probably in another 5 years I will think I look OK in the photos in comparison to 10 years/ 2 kids older!

I'm sorry to hear about everything that you and your husband has gone through.
The wedding is over, and there's no reason to dwell (you can't change it now).
I'd focus on your health (and his), and once you're both feeling better plan a lovely Honeymoon, and maybe get a blessing when you're there.

I'd feel a bit flat after all that.

Could you plan a lovely relaxed holiday somewhere sunny and peaceful for your anniversary next year ? Just the two of you.

What about having a special day out on each anniversary, take nice photos and make special memories. If DH is on board you could plan nice days/ evenings to look forward to.

I have seen people complaining weddings were a let down and it seemed they were being ridiculous, but I can understand why you feel so gutted in this case.

I agree with others suggesting that you find other ways to make happy memories as a couple so you can look back on those and not the wedding. I hope you can find some.

Oh thank you I love all these suggestions it's had a positive effect on me already, dh wanted to have a bbq on our anniversary with his brother and family. I'm not keen as well again it's his family and his brother can be a bit rude to me sometimes plus I'd get a bit stressed with all that!

I think I'd prefer to do something just the 2 of us, a renewal, blessing or just a holiday. I don't mean to be horrible but without the kids as much as I love them all, they all teenagers and at that selfish stage. On the wedding I paid for their hair and makeup they all looked lovely and my son 13 gave me away which was a special moment. But the girls really just cared about themselves and once they were ready they just disappeared lol 😂. Typical teenagers. My dd15 was slightly better but she went last to have her make up done so wasn't ready in time to help me, I was helping her but all that doesn't really bother me it's their age. I'd just prefer to go off on our own and not having the stress of them being happy. My 2 can stay with their dad and dh 2 can stay with their mum. It's not easy to arrange but it's possible, maybe not for our 1st anniversary but at some point. And no I won't be involving my sister !