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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at my dh

75 replies

Redyoyo · 08/07/2019 20:34

Its the summer holidays here, dh and i are doing the childcare between us. I get the shopping delivered on a Friday, food consumption is normal over the weekend whilst dh is working. On a Monday and Tuesday dh is off and by a Tuesday night we have no food left. Not even a biscuit, no snacks and I've just discovered he's eaten the Italian sausage for tomorrow nights dinner! I've spent £90 since friday and today he bought the kids a McDonald's! AIBU to be mad at him for being a greedy pig!

OP posts:

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 09/07/2019 13:27

The people suggesting 'just buy more' rather than having personal snacks and food allocated for meals have never lived with a person who eats like this. It doesn't matter how much you buy - if it is there they will eat until it is gone. If you buy one chocolate bar they'll eat it. If you buy one for every family member they will eat them all. If you buy 20 they will eat them all. It doesn't make it anymore likely that you will get a chocolate bar later in the week when you fancy it. You need to
A) mark it as off limits
B) be standing there ready to scoff your share as soon as the delivery arrives
C) miss our
D) hide it!! (I do D)

OP, I'd be super angry about him eating tomorrow's dinner, and him feeding the kids expensive crap because he ate their meal today. That's not ok.

Original poster

Redyoyo · 09/07/2019 13:35

He's not overweight in the slightest which i think annoys me more

OP posts:

RedDogsBeg · 09/07/2019 13:45

Since everyone is off school/work, more snacks are needed over the summer. Its not rocket science.

Why the hell are more snacks needed?

This obsession with snacks and people having to constantly shove food in their mouths is ridiculous.

IsAStormApporaching · 09/07/2019 13:50

This is my dh 100% when he is on days off.
He hoover's the kitchen fridge/cupboards of anything food wise out of 'boredom'
I once bought 24 muffins that came in a fancy Tupperware for the dcs packed lunches.
In 2 days both dc had once each in their lunch box.
He ate the other 20 in 2 frigging days!!
I honestly though I was going to ltb.
There is nothing more unattractive than a greedy man who will literally take the food out of their dcs mouths

2littleninjas · 09/07/2019 13:51

My DH does this. I’ve started only buying the food we need to make meals and we make fresh snacks rather than crisps etc. If he wants crisps/chocolate then he can get some for himself. I had no problem with him eating some snacks, but he ate everything we had, even fresh veg that we needed for tea. The way we do it is better now and he’s a lot more healthier.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 09/07/2019 13:51

Whenever there is a thread along these lines you always get people saying that its the greedy fuckers food too, you can't tell them what to eat, just need to buy more food yada yada.

Why can't the greedy fucker buy more snacks for themselves when they have eaten their share of the weekly treats? If I had bought chocolate bars and then I went to the cupboard and they were all gone, with me not even getting to eat 1 bar I would be fuming. It's just plain selfish and greedy.

OP you need to send him out to do a top up shop when he has eaten everything and pull him up on being so rude as to eat all the treats without leaving you anything.

mrsm43s · 09/07/2019 14:17

But why is it up to OP to decide how many snacks her DH is allowed? He's an adult.

She won't let him do the shopping because she thinks he buys too many snacks. Then she complains he's eaten food that she wanted for herself/for a meal. Well yes, because there weren't enough snacks - because she won't let him buy them!

There's no financial issues, he's not overweight and he's an adult. Surely he can decide for himself how many snacks he wants to eat?

It is very clear that he wants/needs more snacks when he is home all day than are currently being bought. So either buy more snacks, or let him buy more snacks. Why do you feel the need to control what another adult eats?

Ironically enough, I'm not actually a snacker. But I defend any adult's right to make their own choices about food. If there were financial or weight issues, it might be different. But there aren't. This is about control, nothing more.

TheGrapefulDread · 09/07/2019 14:22

It’s not about can you afford to replace it ? It’s about being actively disruptive with menu planning etc being incapable of leaving something for others. Having the same consideration for others that they have for you. About acknowledging other people are entitled to enjoy their treat in their own timeframe ( not have to quickly consume it so they get it at all ) kind of takes the treat element away. It’s disrespectful and entitled imho. I don’t police others re food but I expect the minimum of consideration re task duplication and ensuring others aren’t deprived because one person is only able to be self indulgent. It’s about the team not the individual in our house you finish it you furnish it. No one is begrudged at all, will share any stashed luxuries - but they have to be there to be shared out!

mrsm43s · 09/07/2019 14:30

I think everyone is missing this from the OP

I don't like like him doing the shop as he buys about 2 dinners and a load of snacks and chocolate.

She doesn't allow her DH to do the shopping because she thinks he buys too many snacks and too much chocolate.

There are no financial issues. He is not overweight. He is an adult. Why does OP get to decide how much he is allowed to eat?

He shouldn't eat meal ingredients. He probably wouldn't if he was allowed to buy the amount of snacks that he wants.

Please for the love of God, let this adult man go and buy whatever snacks he likes. You are not his mother!

whatswrongwithmyarm · 09/07/2019 14:35

She said she doesn't like him doing the weekly shop, presumably it's created more work in the past to then have to sort a shop out. She hasn't said she's taken his car keys and money away and physically stopped him going to the shop to buy his own junk food. He managed to make it McDonald's.

RedDogsBeg · 09/07/2019 14:37

Why is it up to her dh to be so inconsiderate and selfish as to eat everything in sight without any thought for anyone else mrsm43s?

Yes, he's an adult and part of a family why is it only his wants/needs that are to be prioritised? He can't be expected to think of others? He is equally controlling if you want to go down that road as he has consumed everything and made sure there is nothing for anyone else because he wants it all. The same when he shops, thinks only of what he wants not what the rest of the family want or need.

Greed and selfishness, not attractive traits.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 09/07/2019 14:39

@mrsm43s I missed the part where DH is completely incapacitated and incapable of buying his own snacks.

If access to limitless supply of snack food is essential to this man's happiness then he can use his presumably able body and apparently available funds to source it himself.

How is she controlling him? She just expects a grown man to show basic consideration by not taking all the food in the house for himself before she has a chance to feed the family with it.

It's her time and effort that led to that food being in the house. Him eating ingredients for the meals she has planned and shopped for doubles her workload because the DC inconveniently still require meals to live.

whatswrongwithmyarm · 09/07/2019 14:40

Agree @RedDogsBeg. Op is doing the only adulting re food shop! Her partner buys a heap of shit that doesn't feed his family, and when op buys properly for a week he eats it all then goes to McDonald's.

CassandraCross · 09/07/2019 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rezie · 09/07/2019 14:44

I think there is a massive difference between not liking someone to do the weekly shopping and not allowing them to.

I'm sure he is allowed to go to the shop and buy stuff. He just doesn't know how to meal plan. His way of shopping means that they have to do shopping several times a week. Beat solution is that he adds his snacks to the order or he goes and buys his own.

Eliza9919 · 09/07/2019 14:48

@mrsm43s Tue 09-Jul-19 14:30:10
I think everyone is missing this from the OP

I don't like like him doing the shop as he buys about 2 dinners and a load of snacks and chocolate.

She doesn't allow her DH to do the shopping because she thinks he buys too many snacks and too much chocolate.

She doesn't want him to do the main shop. He can still go to the shop to get his own snacks.

TheFlis12345 · 09/07/2019 14:55

My DH has a big appetite and loves a snack but if we had run out of snacks, he would pop to the shop and get more. He wouldn’t just eat all the sausages in the fridge as they are obviously intended to be used for a family meal. The OP’s husband is being very selfish and putting his own wants above the needs of the family.

Original poster

Redyoyo · 09/07/2019 14:56

He can eat the snacks i really don't mind about them, and he often comes home from work with snacks for the evening or something nice for a cup of tea, he is more than welcome to go to tesco and buy what ever he wants, however like most families i meal plan, i work full time and like to be organised, his Monday and Tuesday binge puts this right out the window, I'm annoyed at him eating the dinner ingredients more than anything else.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 09/07/2019 14:56

Sounds like his is bored and then just eating because he’s bored

He’s not hungry. If he was, he would cook a meal that everyone can eat.

He’s eating just because he can

YANBU

mrsm43s · 09/07/2019 14:57

Best solution is that he adds his snacks to the order or he goes and buys his own.

I'm in absolute agreement with this.

Original poster

Redyoyo · 09/07/2019 14:58

And my topics...

OP posts:

mrsm43s · 09/07/2019 15:00

I'm annoyed at him eating the dinner ingredients more than anything else.

I get that bit, I really do. I meal plan, and it would annoy me (but I'd pass it over to DH to solve).

What I don't get is why you (or he) don't just add more snacks to the weekly shop. Its clear he wants them.

TenDays · 09/07/2019 15:00

My ex would do this. I'd have all the food in and meals planned and he'd just raid the fridge and pig out.

I seem to remember my own father doing it too. He'd put any cooked meat he could find on a sandwich rather than just, say, a slice of ham.

I'm now with the second DH who recently texted me to say he'd eaten something he knew I'd been saving for lunch at work next day. He seemed to think it was very funny. I didn't.

There was a MAJOR row. He still doesn't understand why I was so angry.

With teenagers in the house the fridge needs to be stocked. If one of the kids ate everything the DH would rightly be furious. It applies to him too.

AlexaAmbidextra · 09/07/2019 15:05

Also, why are they your Topics, not family Topics to share?

Oh ffs. Please tell me you’re joking. I know MN is obsessed by ‘family money’ but can a person really have nothing for themselves once they’re coupled up?

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 09/07/2019 23:53

@AlexaAmbidextra second that.

Why does becoming a mother have to mean having nothing to yourself- not even a bloody biscuit!

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