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AIBU?

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Original poster

For this to bother me so much?

32 replies

SugarHockeyIcedTea · 08/07/2019 19:46

I was at my ILs yesterday with my kids and I was wearing shorts and T-shirt as it was really warm.

I was in the garden and my DMiL made comment about how pale my legs were. I laughed, I have Highland blood in me and I like my pale skin (it's taken a while)

She then made comment about how it was 'brave' of me to wear shorts above the knee considering how big my legs are. I laughed it off but I'm really hurt and it's been doing a constant run in my head. I'm a size 12-14 and I admit I have a stomach but I've had two kids and I actually like how I look normally ( this,again, has taken a long time).

I'm annoyed that I'm still worrying about it, annoyed that I'm letting it annoy me and I just wish I'd said something instead of laughing it off.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
Atalune · 08/07/2019 19:48

She’s being nasty. The worst kind of woman- one that enjoys putting other women down!

MaryPopppins · 08/07/2019 19:48

You aren't being unreasonable at all.

She's being a cow.

It would definitely upset and annoy me too.

But just shake it off. That's not an acceptable way to talk to anyone and she should be ashamed. Well done to you for not being rude back to her. I wouldn't have been able to help myself!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/07/2019 19:49

Yes. SIlly to let her in. Don't do it.

Keep smiling and telling her that Celtic Maids are all milk skinned, moon tanned and beautiful!

And 'big legs' are great for chasing down rude MILS... run MIL, run!

EKGEMS · 08/07/2019 19:50

My MIL has said same about how pale I am hah she needs saddle soap to wash her sun exposed skin now

Summertimeatthebeach · 08/07/2019 19:50

I would say she admires you but won't admit it.....
And I thought Highland folk were blue??!

NoSauce · 08/07/2019 19:57

That’s really unkind of her. Is she like this usually? You need to practise “ oh fuck you “ in the mirror Wink when the dc are out of earshot obviously Grin

I don’t understand why anyone would say that, there’s nothing in that comment that you could decipher as a joke or well meaning. Try not to let it keep eating away at you OP.

Whatsername7 · 08/07/2019 19:57

YANBU. There is nothing like than a passive agressive dig from your mil to get under your skin. Next time tell her you aren't brave, you are Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way. Or tell her to fuck off. Grin

PickAChew · 08/07/2019 19:58

She is bloody rude.

Wolfiefan · 08/07/2019 19:59

She was being spiteful. I’m much bigger than you and I wear shorts. Don’t like my legs? Look away. (They aren’t so big they could fill your field of vision. Grin)

Original poster
SugarHockeyIcedTea · 08/07/2019 19:59

@Summertimeatthebeach I'm normally so pale/blue that I'm practically translucent but the recent sun has given me a subtle 'hint' of more pale than blue!

I love my skin, I used to hate when I was at school but my gran used to tell me how people would pay to have pale skin as her and me and it shocked me as, at the time, I didn't understand why anyone would want to look like me when I hated looking like me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SugarHockeyIcedTea · 08/07/2019 20:00

@Whatsername7 that's the best comeback I've heard in years!

OP posts:
georgialondon · 08/07/2019 20:02

She was being a bitch!

ChilliAndRiceIsVeryNice · 08/07/2019 20:02

How big is your MIL? Is she quite big or slim?

BazaarMum · 08/07/2019 20:02

Wow. What a bitch! I have never actually managed a decent reply to my MIL’s comments but I have been preparing to say:

“That really is very rude, and you have made me embarrassed and self conscious. Why do you feel the need to say those things?”

As loudly and in front of as many people as I can. Not sure if I’d have the balls to say it after the fact, but I think you could. That’s just intended to be nasty.

Is she self conscious about wearing shorts?

SandAndSea · 08/07/2019 20:07

"Sorry, can you repeat that?"

Make her repeat herself.

(Tbh, I wouldn't be rushing back there.)

Cyberworrier · 08/07/2019 20:10

My Step mIL has made horrible comments before, backhanded compliments about having lost weight (nope! Must have just looked like a whale last time, every time I see her). My new response is to turn to FIL and laugh and say things like, goodness, she has no filter has she? Or “what a personal comment!” “What a funny question!”Plus Light giggles.

Montsti · 08/07/2019 20:17

Either she’s a complete bitch or more likely jealous...my mil always goes on about my height e.g. “gosh this sofa is so deep, Montsti won’t be able to touch the floor etc...”...she’s a good 6 inches taller than me and much broader. Recently she has admitted (after knowing her for 14 years!!) that she has always wanted to be more petite...basically takes out her insecurities on me...charming!!

Original poster
SugarHockeyIcedTea · 08/07/2019 20:31

My Mil is a relatively 'normal' size as far as I can see. I don't really think of her in that way if you know what I mean.

Our relationship is very basic, I am friendly, she's the way she is and then that's it. I'm really annoyed at myself that I let it worry me so much. I have a chronic pain issue and am struggling to sleep well at the moment so think that may be why it has bothered me.

And for what it's worth, my legs are just legs- they help me stand,walk and run after my kids. I don't really see them as being as issue, unless they are really bloody sore!

OP posts:
Branster · 08/07/2019 20:55

You should have said “Darling MIL I’m sure you could get away with wearing the same probably a bit worse than what you think I look like but who cares at your age”

What a mean woman! She wanted to make you feel bad, she was probably a bully and a bitch to all the girls at school back in the day because she herself feel inadequate and insecure.

You keep them beautiful pale legs in shorts and be proud of it girl! I tanned skin looks beautiful and young.

JassyRadlett · 08/07/2019 20:58

‘Gosh, MIL, I think you’re the one being brave at this moment...’

Original poster
SugarHockeyIcedTea · 08/07/2019 23:25

Ah hindsight is a wonderful thing but now I have a bunch of things to use if she ever does it again.

(And let's face it she probably will!)

OP posts:
GibbonLover · 09/07/2019 00:23

If you have Highland blood in you, use it to tell her to 'get tae fuck'.

Snog · 09/07/2019 00:41

Do you think you may have dementia? Have you been checked recently?
That's not something anyone with normal manners would say even to a stranger let alone a DDIL

justilou1 · 09/07/2019 00:46

Mutton-lamb much, MIL?

Rachelover40 · 09/07/2019 01:21

You're not being silly but I hope you have reassured yourself that you're absolutely fine as you are, after those insensitive comments. I wish parents - especially mothers - didn't feel they can say whatever comes into their heads! They have zero tact and diplomacy when it comes to their children/children in law. My mother was VERY like that and, occasionally, mother in law - father in law less so but still opened his mouth when he shouldn't. at times They were good people but that tendency really got on my nerves.

(I of course am a perfect mother as I'm sure you are :-).)

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