Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel really pissed off and let down

80 replies

Pinkerbells · 08/07/2019 19:09

Apologises if this is long winded, I'm very hormonal and heavily pregnant and I don't think I am being unreasonable but it's hard to tell in the state I'm in, I'll try not to drop feed. Here goes.....

My best friend (Lets call her sue) and I have known each other for over 13 years. We worked together for most of that and I have always found she is the person I can talk to and confine in. About 2 years ago, we both left that particular job, and even though we no longer worked together, we spoke and met up all the time. She was like a second sister to be and she always says she feels the same. Over the last year, our contact has slowed down a bit but we are still there when we really need each other, and we pick up where we left off IYSWIM.
late last year, I discovered I was pregnant. Completely unplanned as my DP has had chemo so you can imagine the shock, plus I have a teenager from a previous relationship, and DP has taken the role of step dad wonderfully.
After telling my DP and DD, Sue was the next person I had to tell, and I also really wanted her as my birth partner as she is the level headed person you really need in labour, and I really wanted her to be apart of it. She was over the moon, said yes straight away and has generally been very excited about the entire thing. Over the last few months, we seem to have had less and less contact, she has been going through quite a few problems which I have tried to support her with but throughout it all, she has a ring the baby being born is going to 've amazing etc.
Jump forward a few months and I have such severe PGP and other health issues, my obstetrician has decided to induce me. The date I have been given is only 3 days before my due date, but they don't want me to go too far over. I was given tomorrow as a date 2 weeks ago, told sue and she was even more excited. Since then I have a wreck worrying about the logistics etc as the hospital is a good 45 minutes away.( I have been put under the peri mental team as my anxiety and depression has spiralled) but I wasn't concerned as I knew I could rely on sue, (My DP doesn't drive, and a taxi is about £50.). We were supposed to meet up at the weekend to chat about arrangements etc, but she went radio silent until 1am this morning, so rather than chat with her, I had to message her the plans. I then asked her if she was still ok to drive, to be met with silence again. Didn't know what to think, until 3 this afternoon when she announced she didn't know if she would have the car, as her DH might need it.!!!!!! I have no fucking idea how she was planning to get to the hospital tomorrow if labour was kick started early, and I'm now panicking and back to stage one.

My AIBU is this, should I tell her just not to fucking bother, and drive in myself (only other option) and ruin a long friendship or should I just maintain a silence and just let her get on with it in the knowlege she probably isn't going to be there.
Sorry for the long rant, hope it makes sense

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 08/07/2019 20:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Chocolateychocolate · 08/07/2019 20:19

Sorry, just seen your partner doesn't drive. Op, can't you drive yourself there?

MitziK · 08/07/2019 20:19

Were her problems DH related, by any chance?

That sounds like it might be him saying 'you can't have the car, I might need it'.

Maybe some of the cutting down of contact is him being resentful of your closeness, too.

Either way, you'll be best making your own arrangements and treating her coming as a wonderful bonus. But I wouldn't have a go at her, just in case him 'needing' the car is actually part of a pattern of trying to damage your friendship.

LauderSyme · 08/07/2019 20:21

Don't be rude to Sue but do drive yourself to the hospital. Understandably you are very wrapped up in your own feelings and experiences at the moment, and also understandably you feel very let down by her.

But from what you've said about your history with Sue, it would be an over-reaction and a huge shame to drop the friendship now, over this. You don't know exactly what she has got going on at the moment and there is every chance that she is still willing and able to be with you for the birth. I think she deserves at least the chance to explain and make it up to you, and you deserve not to lose a hitherto lovely, supportive friend.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 08/07/2019 20:22

So she has to-

Be available at the drop of a hat
Take annual leave
Drive you there
Pay for fuel
Pay for parking
X several days of induction isn’t quick
Be your birth partner
Presumably being you home from the hospital.....

It’s quite a lot to ask of someone!!

PepsiLola · 08/07/2019 20:22

I think you need to calm down.

She sounds like she's going through a lot, forgive her for not being great right now, some people can't give everyone 100% and it's not their fault.

Tbf on her, you have left it very last minute to tell her she's driving you.

Stop texting and call eachother, don't be hot headed, she may have an explanation

Sorryisntgoodenough · 08/07/2019 20:24

she announced she didn't know if she would have the car, as her DH might need it.!!!!!! I have no fucking idea how she was planning to get to the hospital tomorrow if labour was kick started early,

Maybe, as you had asked her to be birthing partner, she assumed you would organise transport for you all rather than use her as a free taxi service Hmm if her DH needs their car what are you expecting him to do? If she drove you in would be sat it a hospital car park for hours/days.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 08/07/2019 20:24

All of the above from me. Hate to say it but Sue may be posting tomorrow with a CF thread.

LegionOfDoom · 08/07/2019 20:25

Absolutely ridiculous that you expect her to be there for you in such an intense way. You have a dh. You have a teen. You have support. Tbh it sounds like you’re just pissed off because she can’t drive you. Maybe she’s annoyed with you presuming she would take you to the hospital

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2019 20:26

Your partner is useless and you are expecting WAY too much of Sue. Your partner should be the one contending with all of these issues.

MrsMiggins37 · 08/07/2019 20:28

I’d have assumed you were driving. OK there might be logistics in getting your car back from hospital as you may not be able to drive back but I don’t think I’d have assumed I’d have to drive.

Really don’t spoil a great friendship over something like this x

Nonnymum · 08/07/2019 20:28

Wouldn't a taxi make more sense? Even if it is expensive. Parking is usually very difficult and expensive near hospitals

FertilitySchmertility · 08/07/2019 20:30

Oh yeah hang on of course you can drive. You won’t be in active labour!

Bowerbird5 · 08/07/2019 20:30

Ring the hospital. Most hospitals have volunteer drivers to ferry people who can't or are unable because of medication/operations etc.My friend's retired policeman and husband did this for years.

Hopefully Sue can get to the birth. Could you put her on your insurance so she could pick you up afterwards? You can do a week, fortnight or month.

TSSDNCOP · 08/07/2019 20:31

I think as it's an induction and you won't be in labour you have to drive yourself. Call Sue when you're in active labour.

You'll need a back up plan for getting you and the car home though. Maybe Sue could drive you and let her husband have their car.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/07/2019 20:33

I agree with everyone else. You’re expecting a lot and I don’t understand why your dp isn’t your birth partner. Tbh it would probably be easier to find someone to look after your eldest. Sue would probably be a better bet doing that.

VenusTiger · 08/07/2019 20:38

Sue probably went quiet on you because she didn’t know how to tell you she wouldn’t have the car.
Maybe she was trying to sort something else out.... either way, birthing partner is just when you are in active labour and about to give birth.
I presume your partner will be there.
Send her a message saying, no worries, can I call you (even if middle of night) when I’m nearing birth.

howdyalikemenow · 08/07/2019 20:42

Agree with others. Sorry OP but you're being way too intense and your expectations are unreasonable

Apolloanddaphne · 08/07/2019 20:43

I too think you are expecting too much from your friend.

Pinkerbells · 08/07/2019 20:44

Taken people's advice and said no worries. I have just hugely over reacted.it was agreed that she would be there for my mental health and because DP has seroius health issues which might cuase him not to be around the entire labour.DP is going to be there as well and initially she did say she would drive me there. We had agreed to pay parking and petrol.

OP posts:
NothingBreaksLikesAHeart · 08/07/2019 20:45

@Pinkerbells when I was signed up to be induced, I had to ring on the day to see if they had a bed. They didn't, nor the day after so I went in 2 days later. Pessaries etc did nothing for over 48 hours. Then I had to wait for a delivery suite to become available. All in all I delivered one week to the day after I was booked in to go into hospital. Just to give you an idea of timescales involved. PP have covered everything else re: driving, parking, Sue's own problems

icanthelpyou · 08/07/2019 20:46

Great good luck with it all Smile

cstaff · 08/07/2019 20:50

She may have her own reasons for not being available the last few days and to take you to the hospital and just doesn't want to stress you anymore then you are already by filling your head with her issues. It could be something genuine. Give her a chance. Also a good long term friendship is not worth ruining over some, hopefully small issue.

Good luck op Flowers

GrabbyGertie · 08/07/2019 20:55

Taken people's advice and said no worries

Sounds like the right idea. Births can be tricky things, you really can’t plan things that well. It’s best to try and go with the flow. Do you have anyone else who could offer to drive your husband to and from the hospital? Hospitals are usually well served by public transport.

Hope everything goes well for you all. 💐💐😅

GrabbyGertie · 08/07/2019 20:56

Sorry didn’t mean to post the 😅 face