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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect time off work for baby’s (non-urgent) medical appointments?

84 replies

coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 15:57

My 9 month old DS appears to be allergic to quite a lot of things (eggs, eczema, hay fever, nuts, unknown foods). He has been referred for blood testing, allergy clinic and dietitian appointments all of which happen to be in working hours. I have 3 appointments over the next few weeks and there will probably be follow ups too.

I’m fairly short on annual leave, so wondering if it would be unreasonable to ask for the time off (unpaid if necessary) and if my employer can say no to this? I don’t think it would class as ‘emergency time off for dependents’ as I will know in advance of any appointments, and allergies are quite common I can’t imagine my employer being too sympathetic.

I would of course share the appointments with DH but he has just started a new job and is still on probation (and was off with a stomach bug a couple of weeks ago), so it would be better if I can do these.

I work full time office hours and there isn't really a 'making up time' culture. We're expected to be available most of the time and work additional hours as required and paid a good salary to compensate for that. I don't really have another option but just wondered if IABU to expect the time off work?

OP posts:
Coralfish · 08/07/2019 15:59

Tricky. I would say YABU to expect it. YANBU to ask.

MyOpinionIsValid · 08/07/2019 16:00

You dont get if you dont ask.

Personally I would come at it with the making time up idea, followed by the unpaid if it has to be.

Chovihano · 08/07/2019 16:01

It's a pain, but nobody would be in work if they were all allowed time offf for everything to do with their kids.
It's not really fair to people without kids who would probably also like time off. Where do you draw the line? Lots of elderly people have appointments that their working carers have to arrange.
You need to use AL for things like this.

Ambydex · 08/07/2019 16:02

Medical appointments for DC are not exactly optional. Allergies may be common but that doesn't mean he doesn't need the appointments.

No harm in asking if you can make up the time in the evening or take it as unpaid leave, whichever they prefer. I don't think there needs to be a culture of making up time for this to be a reasonable question to ask.

lmusic87 · 08/07/2019 16:03

I don't think you would get that time, my workplace wouldn't be able to allow it because it would mean childless people wouldn't get the same opportunities for appts.

Di11y · 08/07/2019 16:04

ask away, they may appreciate the hours you put in. and being ft it's not like you can schedule them for when you're off with the baby.

at least should offer unpaid hopefully

Sooverthemill · 08/07/2019 16:04

Look at this information about parental leave

TheHumanSatsuma · 08/07/2019 16:06

Legally you are entitled to time off, but not paid time off.

SummerInSun · 08/07/2019 16:08

No idea what the law is on this, but I run a small office and can't imagine not allowing an employee time off for this, especially if they were offering to make up the time by coming in early / late, working through lunch or whatever. Or unpaid leave, as you say.

So I would ask, but do be as upfront as you have been in your post - so don't just ask for one appointment as it were a one off, then another, then another. Explain there are likely to be a series of these over a few weeks.

Welcome to life with kids - when it isn't ill health, it's sports day, speech day, the class play, parent teacher meetings, etc. Might be worth asking other parents in the office how they handle it. You may find that they have all quietly been slipping out or coming in late for these things for years without making a big fuss and without you noticing, and management is fine with that if they are otherwise hard working, efficient and reliable.

Justgivemesomepeace · 08/07/2019 16:08

It would be unpaid leave or work the time back where i work. You wouldnt believe the number of people that think this is unfair though, and think they should just be allowed paid time off though as its a medical apptmt.

DoraleeRhodes · 08/07/2019 16:09

Not unreasonable to ask, but they wouldn’t be unreasonable if they say no. It would be allowed in my work, but we have a very flexible approach to hours so adjusting them/making up time is standard.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 08/07/2019 16:09

YABU, unfortunate, but of you don't have any annual leave then you can often ask for parental leave, which is unpaid, for this sort of thing.

Original poster
coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 16:10

You need to use AL for things like this.

We have made a big mistake of pre-booking (and paying for) a two week long-haul holiday for later this year. Booking the time off work has used up the rest my annual leave.
We already had one holiday earlier this year, and I have already used the rest of my leave for kids related things (toddlers' health visitor check, dentist, initial GP appointments for eczema). Its ran out pretty quickly, and I really don't want to cancel the holiday later in the year.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 08/07/2019 16:11

Parental leave, it's unpaid though.

Original poster
coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 16:13

looking at the link from sooverthemill, i dont think I am legally entitled to it am i?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 08/07/2019 16:13

OP can your child's other parent take annual leave for these appointments, or is theirs all used up too?

Lllot5 · 08/07/2019 16:14

Well all you can do is ask really. Offer to be unpaid.

OakElmAsh · 08/07/2019 16:16

As others have said, you can ask, but not expect. Your choosing to use your AL for a holiday is a totally normal thing to do - but it is still a choice.

You can try to work something out with your employer, but I would approach it as a "request", without any sense of being entitled to it.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 08/07/2019 16:17

While not an emergency, it still isn’t optional. It’s not like you can just not go to the appointment, and if you’re full time then there’s no option to go outside your working hours. I guess you just need to speak to your boss and come to an agreement about flexitime / unpaid time off / parental leave.

sotired2 · 08/07/2019 16:17

i would ask but offer to make up/ unpaid. your dc cant take themselves so is a dependent so not unreasonable just try to give as much notice as possible

Original poster
coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 16:19

OP can your child's other parent take annual leave for these appointments, or is theirs all used up too?

DH only just started a new job, and is using his entire pro-rated holiday allowance on the holiday we have booked for later in the year and the compulsory leave he has to take at Christmas. He also had a stomach bug in his first month of starting, so we don't really want him to take any more time off in his probation period if at all possible.

OP posts:
NCforpoo · 08/07/2019 16:22

Check your HR policy on parental leave
If you've worked there a year you are entitled to it unpaid but your company may have additional leave for parents.
www.gov.uk/parental-leave

NCforpoo · 08/07/2019 16:23

But offer to make it up first if you have a friendly boss. Sounds reasonable to me

Loveislandaddict · 08/07/2019 16:23

Can you make time up at a later time?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/07/2019 16:24

You can but ask.
But they might say no.
Or they might say you can take it as unpaid leave.
Worst case is they refuse outright.

Personally I think they should let you have it because it's not like you can make these appointments outside of working hours (or school hours, for that matter, for later on) - but just because they should let you (morally, compassionately, humanely, whatever) doesn't mean they will, and they don't have to.