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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect time off work for baby’s (non-urgent) medical appointments?

84 replies

coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 15:57

My 9 month old DS appears to be allergic to quite a lot of things (eggs, eczema, hay fever, nuts, unknown foods). He has been referred for blood testing, allergy clinic and dietitian appointments all of which happen to be in working hours. I have 3 appointments over the next few weeks and there will probably be follow ups too.

I’m fairly short on annual leave, so wondering if it would be unreasonable to ask for the time off (unpaid if necessary) and if my employer can say no to this? I don’t think it would class as ‘emergency time off for dependents’ as I will know in advance of any appointments, and allergies are quite common I can’t imagine my employer being too sympathetic.

I would of course share the appointments with DH but he has just started a new job and is still on probation (and was off with a stomach bug a couple of weeks ago), so it would be better if I can do these.

I work full time office hours and there isn't really a 'making up time' culture. We're expected to be available most of the time and work additional hours as required and paid a good salary to compensate for that. I don't really have another option but just wondered if IABU to expect the time off work?

OP posts:

Bemidji · 08/07/2019 16:25

If they are likely to be difficult about it, I might get DP to do one of the appointments and let them know so they can see you are not taking it all on yourself. DP could do the same with his employer Eg "someone has to go to these appointments. DC's mum is doing most of them because I am new here but her employer won't let her do every one"

Original poster

coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 16:28

Officially, the HR policy is that same as the Statutory one. i.e. 21 days notice, blocks of a week at a time.
I'm going to put some options to my boss re unpaid leave, and making up the hours. I'm also going to ask if I can 'buy' extra holiday part way through the year as they might be able to offer this (they offer at the start of each year). In hindsight I should have done this in January but I was on maternity leave and it didn't cross my mind.

OP posts:

Brefugee · 08/07/2019 16:32

H only just started a new job…
Oh that sucks. Hope you can get something sorted out

Ambydex · 08/07/2019 16:33

Blocks of a week at a time? As in you can't book individual days?

Magenta82 · 08/07/2019 16:33

We're expected to be available most of the time and work additional hours as required and paid a good salary to compensate for that.

There needs to be give and take, you work extra hours when needed and so should be able to take time when you need it. I think it is reasonable to ask for some accommodation. You could offer to take it unpaid if you really need to, but I don't think you should have to.

WidowTwonky · 08/07/2019 16:33

How much time off are you talking about?2 hrs here and there? Or a half day? Try and make an educated guess before you make any requests

megletthesecond · 08/07/2019 16:38

You must go to the appointments, as you know you can't muck around with allergies. Get it as unpaid leave if you have to.

It might be a rush this time but if you have 2 or 3 year follow ups you'll remember to get annual leave booked.

megletthesecond · 08/07/2019 16:40

FWIW ds's allergy appointments have taken between 2-5 hours. You need at least a half day for a lot of them.

Chovihano · 08/07/2019 16:42

Do you have any friends or family to take baby to appointments.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2019 16:48

When you mentioned "buying" time off, is this via money or time banked in lieu?

If the first, would it make any sense to swap that outlay for paying privately for any of the appointments, so you have more choice over the times? (for example, round here dieticians charge about £60ph)

Also do the blood tests have to be done at a particular time and clinic, or would a general phlebotomy department do - which can open from 7.30am in some areas?

dottiedodah · 08/07/2019 16:52

Can you fit any into your lunch breaks at all, say your appointment is at 2 pm. Take lunch at 1.30 to get to your appointment, then you have used only 1 hour instead of 2 or whatever .

Original poster

coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 16:56

Do you have any friends or family to take baby to appointments.

Unfortunately we don't as both families live too far away.

@puzzledandpissedoff that is actually definitely something we will consider first. Thanks for the tip. The buying time off is via money and might well be worth more than a private appointment if we could get one on a Saturday.

OP posts:

MissB83 · 08/07/2019 16:57

Parental leave isn't applicable as it has to be taken in blocks of a week. You are right that it isn't emergency leave for planned appointments. Unpaid leave is probably your best bet but likely to be discretion of the employer otherwise you may have to take annual leave I'm afraid.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 08/07/2019 16:59

I would offer to make the time up, or ask for parental leave and see if they would be happy to grant it in individual days rather than complete weeks (tell them why it would be advantageous to them to do this - i.e. you'd be able to catch up on anything urgent the next day rather than needing to be covered for a whole week).

It's not really fair to people without kids who would probably also like time off. Where do you draw the line? Lots of elderly people have appointments that their working carers have to arrange.
Assuming the people without kids, or people who are carers, needed the time off to take a dependent to an appointment, they too could apply for leave to do so. If they are feeling miffed as they are viewing it as extra annual leave, then they are being unreasonable. It's pretty clear where the line is drawn.

Original poster

coffeeforone · 08/07/2019 17:01

Can you fit any into your lunch breaks at all, say your appointment is at 2 pm. Take lunch at 1.30 to get to your appointment, then you have used only 1 hour instead of 2 or whatever .

That wouldn't work as I have a 90 minute commute both ways. But if I I will try to get the appointments as early as possible when I can so can go straight to work afterwards. But I saw a previous poster mentioned 2-5 hours - that could be a full working day. Say a 10 am appointment lasts 4 hours, then it would be almost 4pm by the time I get to the office!

OP posts:

KitKat1985 · 08/07/2019 17:06

For non-urgent appointments, I'd offer to make the hours up or take the time unpaid.

SuperSara · 08/07/2019 17:08

I think YABU.

You should use annual leave for things like this. It's not an emergency and it's not going to be parental leave if you're not taking full weeks.

The fact that you'd rather not cancel your second holiday of the year to facilitate it is neither here nor there, really.

Just my opinion.

User8888888 · 08/07/2019 17:10

It’s really hard to manage especially as little ones are often so poorly when the first start nursery. I was lucky that I had friends that warned me to keep leave back for these sorts of things- although as you mentioned a toddler you probably should have known your leave would be stretched especially with your husbsnd’s new job. I’m not trying to be preachy by saying that btw- Your post has made me reconsider holiday plans for when I’m back off mat leave with no.2.

WishIwas19again · 08/07/2019 17:14

If you don't have holiday then ask for unpaid leave, or make the time up elsewhere.

I'd suggest you always keep a week of annual leave for random/medical stuff with kids, we only get 3 days paid for looking after sick children for example, and there's the 12 month health visitor appointment etc if you're in the UK.

DramaRamaLlama · 08/07/2019 17:14

As a manager, provided you are generally a good employee (don't turn up late/leave early every day, meet your objectives, pull your weight when additional hours are required) I wouldn't have an issue with your request.

WishIwas19again · 08/07/2019 17:18

Also just in case you didn't know, your annual leave would have continued to accrue whilst you were on mat leave, so you should have any holidays that wouldn't have taken during mat leave. Just to make sure you've calculated it right

Tallgreenbottle · 08/07/2019 17:18

You should be entitled to parental leave and most companies are accomodating op.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 08/07/2019 17:22

it's not going to be parental leave if you're not taking full weeks.

This is not necessarily true. Employers can use their discretion to allow employees to take parental leave in smaller chunks if they choose. If you wish to ask for this, it is important to focus on why a smaller chunk of time (e.g. single days) would benefit the employer when you apply for parental leave. The employer may say no, but if you can give a good enough reason, they may very well say yes.

Mammalian · 08/07/2019 17:24

This is what unpaid parental leave is for

Tistheseason17 · 08/07/2019 17:24

I'm a manager and if you suggested unpaid parental leave for these odd days I'd snap your hand off. This type of unpaid parental is much easier to facilitate than someone saying they would like a month off which is usually hard for a business to accommodate and is usually declined for business reasons.

Good luck.

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