To think a lot of young kids are over stimulated?

[jennymanara]

A lot of parents seem to worry about their young kids being stimulated, but I think a lot of young kids are over stimulated. Babies, toddlers and young kids need time to play alone and need quiet. For babies that might mean playing with their toes happily, or just sitting there burbling away happily to themselves. For toddlers playing with a toy, or looking at things on a walk. You also see it in parents who talk constantly. Toddlers being followed around by usually mums as the mum constantly talks to their child, asks questions and comments on what the child is doing. There is no silence, no chance for the child just to bumble about doing nothing much.

Yes I agree It's also tne case with older children having every eve and weekends filled with activity and clubs. Children need down time to just play.

YANBU. Imagination doesn’t have a chance unless you get a chance to be bored.

Yup. I have this constant battle with my DH who is always going on about DS being bored and what a travesty it is.

YANBU. I work with teenagers and it's ridiculous how many of them are completely unable to occupy their own time and expect to be entertained constantly. Coping with boredom is a life skill and these children who are used to parents providing a constant stream of exciting, stimulating, "magical" experiences are being set up for disappointment in adulthood.

YANBU

I do a lot with my kids, but they definitely need frequent windows of time to do their own thing and just be. They always have been good at getting on with playing, and I've always been happy to leave them to it if they're safe and happy.

I think there's a lot of self imposed pressure in parenting that's cropped up in the last generation and the lack of independence of children/ parents has a lot to do with poor maternal and children's mental health as personal space is important. We all want the best for our children but sometimes that includes taking a step back and letting them work things out for themselves.

For some children, yes, this is the case. Children need to be bored sometimes as it stimulates their imagination. Playing alone without constantly needing adult input is a good skill to have but I think many parents will stick the TV on when they leave the room, rather than let a child play alone. Its tempting because then you know they'll sit still and not cause trouble.

I also have a friend who constantly talks to her child. "Oh look theres a cow. What does a cow say? It's a big cow. It's a brown cow isn't it. Sometimes cows are brown and sometimes they're black and white... blah blah blah" poor kid can't get a word in edgeways! And although hes very well behaved and his speech is good, he doesnt do imaginative play or come up with his own ideas because someone is always there intervening.

I think the difficulty comes when your baby isn't particularly minded to sit playing with their toes and bubbling happily, and I don't want to leave them to cry.

I constantly carried and chatted to my babies. They now play fine on their own. I think you do have to adapt to your children.

As always, it's a balance between over anxious or overbearing parenting and neglectful parenting.

Babies and toddlers of course benefit from lots of play, parental attention and an interesting environment. As do teens. But I do agree with your point

Yes take the points that you have to adapt to your own children, and it is a balance.
I have a friend who did the constant talking. I found a short trip to the park with her exhausting.
I am not saying don't talk to babies or toddlers. I did. I have memories of going round supermarkets saying, okay what shall we buy today? Lets get some milk shall we?
But I did not talk all the time. And there were silences. The constant talking of my friend was exhausting to listen to. It was - Seb, look at the slide? Its a big slide isn't it? Would you like to go down the big slide? Lets go to the slide then - taking his hand. She was like that all the time.
I think over stimulation is not good for the child or the mother, and it is largely mothers I have seen that are responsible for this. It is exhausting for both parties.

Kids "mum we're bored, there's nothing to do"
Me "so? What do you expect me to do about it?"
Kids "we want something to do."
Me "then find something to do."

Life can't be one never ending trip to soft play/bowling/cinema/MacDonalds/swimming/park kids need to have down time. To play, to read, to make believe?

But then I'm one of those parents who's job ends at the park gates too. Like, I take them there, I'm there in case they hurt themselves and to provide drinks snacks and suncream but otherwise they are left to their devices. I hate when they hang about me like a wasp by an icecream. "Just go and play."

YANBU.

I’ve always made lots of effort to engage my DC in various activities over the years but have since realised they are genuinely happiest sitting on their tablets/games consoles .

I talk to my DS when we are out and about but that doesn't mean that I do that all the time he has plenty of quiet time to play and use his imagination at home. He has a fab imagination I love listening to the stories he makes up for his toys, they are hysterical.

I think sometimes people do this when they have anxiety. With my first I was so anxious I would just witter on all the time, like if we were on the bus or whatever. I'd be like "oh look a truck, can you see the truck? What colour is the truck?" Etc. Now mostly I'm more confident in my skin, but when I'm feeling a bit anxious and have over caffeinated myself I find myself doing it a bit again.

Yes and no. Yes my son needs time to himself and quiet time but when he is anxious ( he has autism and sld) he needs a lot of reassurance and also a familiar voice helps him stay calm.
So when I am out I talk more than when I am in the house because that is when he needs to hear my voice although it is to do the opposite of stimulation.

Overheard a mum day to her 4 year old..were u sad? Did u miss mama?
Rather than let the child express his own opinion or experience. Listen9ng to them is important too.

Other way round with us, my DD9 won't shut up. I can walk around quietly with no discussion, but she has to give a running commentary. I keep suggesting that she be quiet and enjoy the scenery etc, but she can't keep it up for more than a moment :-) She plays well on her own but has to again give a running commentary!

Benign neglect is really the gold standard for parenting.

In my opinion.

My husband (grew up on west coast of Scotland, rurally) told me his dad used to say to him “Aye, away and play in traffic”.

My FIL was definitely not a performance parent. How times have changed!!!! 😂😂😂

I agree but find it difficult to strike a balance. I SAH with DD, like all parents I want the best for her and that includes making sure that her language development etc is good. I am guilty of sometimes having monologues like the ones (very accurately!) drawn above, but that’s because sometimes when I am in the kitchen and she is in the living room doing not much I feel guilty that she is at home with me and therefore I should be facilitating something.

@essentialhummus I understand the guilt, but you really do not need to do anything. If she is happy, let her be.

I think I for one am slightly guilty of this. We do lots of activities outside of the home, which is great, but I do tend to feel guilty if we come and see just sitting in the house, I feel like I have to find things to educate and stimulate him.

When really he needs to be taught how to play on his own for 10 mins with his toys.😳😳😳😳😳

@lolaflores That is like my friend. Her kid does not actually get a chance to answer any of the many questions she asks. He just seems like he has learned to switch off actually from what she is saying most of the time.
Yes I hadn't thought this may be about anxiety.

I remember reading a mum on here talking about when she was fussing over her baby who was on a play mat on the floor, and her mum told her just to leave him alone for a second. She said her mum was right and since she had tried to stop herself fussing so much and just leave him when he seemed happy.
Obviously this is not good advice for truly neglectful parents, but I suspect most parents on MN will have a tendency to go the other way.

I remember being bored as fuck as a child.

And having very little to do to fill that time.

Children need to learn how to live and how to play.

We as adults don’t give them enough of a means for play - and by that I mean freewheeling, roaming around, messing about with friends type play.

And we don’t give them the opportunities to learn - school is just about testing - and we don’t have any skills to pass on beyond how to swipe a screen.

It’s pretty sad.

We soon learnt that saying we were bored would be met with a list of jobs that needed doing!

I don’t think it does a child any good to constantly have planned activities for them and not give them the chance to be bored and just switch off and find something mundane to entertain themselves