Row - reading list

[listquestion]

My American husband can not believe that my daughters school do not have a (year 8) summer reading list. We have explained they don't but he doesn't believe us. How can I prove that the list does not exist without embarrassing ourselves? Does your school set a reading list? Is it something we just don't do in the UK?
NB obviously my daughter will be doing her own reading over the summer, yes I'm really annoyed he 'doesn't believe' us.

Our DS is in year 7 of a state comprehensive school here in the UK. He was asked to read a certain book at both half term and Christmas break ready to start analysing it after the break.

Before he started he also was asked to read a particular book (along with the other 350 year 6 children going into year 7) and they give summer and Christmas project work too.

Can you just ignore him? It's nonsense isn't it, and he's being a bit of a bell end about it.
Despite the fact that my dh would never ask such a question, here's how it would go:
'Does dd get a summer reading list? We used to.'
'No. They don't really do that in state schools here. They just choose what they want to read themselves.'
'Ok, do you want a coffee?'

@arethereanyleftatall I know, that would be far more normal! Now we've all calmed down he agrees. He should have just left it, I have no idea why he gets such a bee in his bonnet sometimes, it is so upsetting. The whole start of the conversation was my daughter and I discussing ways she could use some of her holiday time productively. Totally unnecessary to go off on this pointless tangent which stopped the whole positive conversation.

All of my DC's homework type stuff is on a website/app called Firefly so it's fairly easy to prove something doesn't exist. I guess your DD's isn't though!

@SoupDragon It is, it's very clear. I just can't prove something that doesn't exist isn't there. That's why I didn't want to call the school or him to call the school because we would look stupid because it doesn't exist. The issue is in his head and not with whether there is or should be a summer reading list.

BigKiteFlying - I definitely would NOT do that. They will be studying them for 2 full years and be sick of them. It would be better to get something of a similar genre so they get used to the style etc but not the actual books/play etc they will be doing for the course.

You say my daughter, is your DH her father? If not it might be a case of, I understand what you are saying but I trust my daughter and I need this to be dropped.

@Karmin He's like a dog with a bone, it is bullying. We told him to drop it but he then threatened to call the head. Which engages us to get him not too... His behaviour is awful, I'm trying to make him see that and stop. I'm stuck.

OP why aren’t you saying if your DH is your DD’s father or stepfather?

@edgeofheaven Sorry, keep forgetting, he's her step dad. They generally get on very well.

BigKiteFlying - I definitely would NOT do that. They will be studying them for 2 full years

@OKBobbleThey sit half the English exams end of year 10 here at their school - (not in England). It’s not all subjects but a fair few subjects are having half the GCSE exams sat end of year 10.

They've already started reading and looking at one of the books - end of year 9 because they told them they will not have time to teach it next year. So they want them to make notes now and they'll do exam techniques on the area nearer the time.

So I think in our case it does make sense.

I had them growing up in America but we had 3 months off so it makes sense to set work to be done. Never heard of it in the UK.

BigKiteFlying - that is fair enough then

The comments on the lists (or absence of lists) cover all that aspect.

I think it's much more worrying about the "He does not believe me", or "He thinks I've had a list and not noticed it amoung all the school communications"

I'd say the problem isn't quite about lists, but his warped attitude to you.

Just think of how many school issues in future he may choose "not to believe" you on........

He's like a dog with a bone, it is bullying. We told him to drop it but he then threatened to call the head. Which engages us to get him not too... His behaviour is awful, I'm trying to make him see that and stop. I'm stuck.

You’re not “stuck”. Your kid is... for at least 4 years more years.

How long has he been her stepdad?

We told him to drop it but he then threatened to call the head. Which engages us to get him not to

I still don't see why. I get it that it would be embarrassing when he is shown up as a dickhead, but that's not your problem. I'm quite sure the headteacher has heard much worse and won't think any the worse of you or your daughter. It would have been so much better just to call his bluff and tell him to go right ahead - your anxiety about this probably just fuelled his suspicions by making him think you didn't want him to phone the head because they would tell him there is a reading list.

I'd let him call the head. It's him who'll look like a dick, not you.

If DH really didn’t believe me or the kids I’d welcome him to ring the school directly. Only he’d look like a knob as we would know we were right. Not sure why you were so reluctant for him to call the school.

The dynamic here seems very strange.

He doesn’t believe you about the reading list - but he’s not that familiar with the English school system and has married you recently so why is he insisting he’s right?

Why are you hesitant for him to call the school head? Surely that settles the issue?

We live in Scotland. I'm Scottish and went through the school system here. DH was educated elsewhere. So he often asks about things as I know more about how the school system works.

Go would never disbelieve me or think one of the kids is lying. It's all very odd.

I would have encouraged him to phone the the Head.

I'd let call the head and embarrass himself.

You have explain that the UK education system is different to the American one.

My DD1 is going into Yr 11 and has never had a reading list. She has got some books to read this summer but that is because she is doing a A Level English Lit along side her GCSE's so has been given some books she needs to read before September.

OP it sounds like an awful situation and I wish you all the best in getting rid of him/him improving somehow. You deserve better than this and so does your daughter.